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It’s hard to admit, but we have a drinking problem here in UK. A recent study by Bbentleysoflondon established that marriages end in divorce 45 percent of the time, when one of the spouses drinks heavily. You hear the term ‘Binge Drinking Culture’ thrown around all the time in the media, but you only have to […]

The post 7 Deadly Sins of Drinking on a Night Out appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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It’s hard to admit, but we have a drinking problem here in UK. A recent study by Bbentleysoflondon established that marriages end in divorce 45 percent of the time, when one of the spouses drinks heavily. You hear the term ‘Binge Drinking Culture’ thrown around all the time in the media, but you only have to go out on a Friday or Saturday night to know that this is true. Wave after wave of drunk revelers, staggering aimlessly up and down the streets like victims of a zombie outbreak. And why? All in the name of getting laid.

“But I just want to have a laugh with my mates”. Maybe so, but this is a by-product. The main reason people consume so much alcohol at the weekend, is to attempt to lower their inhibitions and to try and meet someone. Why do I know this? Because I used to be exactly the same. By getting absolutely obliterated each weekend, I somehow thought this would assist me in plucking up the courage to talk to men. What did it do instead? It usually meant that by the time I did gather this ‘Dutch courage’, I was usually so inebriated that whatever slurred, incomprehensible message I shouted in a girl’s ear, failed to do justice to the great first impression I knew I was capable of making.

The reason this problem exists, is because we as a society have come to accept it. Its ‘mob mentality’ that causes people to think “As long as everybody else is doing it, then it’s alright’”. People are conditioned to think that they need to drink in order to have a good time and, if they don’t, they become very self-conscious and uncomfortable. It also allows us a convenient excuse for our behavior. Whether we do something bad (argue with our friends) or fail to do something good (successfully attract a woman), we are able to blame it on “Oh well, I was battered”.

This unhealthy dependency on alcohol is one of the number one reasons men fail to attract men and is something that, if you ever want to be truly successful with the opposite sex, you need to cut down considerably or stop altogether.

So here are the 7 deadly sins of drinking on a night out:

  1. You cannot take ownership of your achievements. This means any success you do have with men on a night out, you cannot claim entirely as your own. If you can kiss a man in a club, but you can’t even talk to one in a shop, clearly there is a reliance on some external factor.
  2. Embarrassing yourself. One of the side effects of lowering your inhibitions is that you will be much more likely to behave in an undignified way. This includes anything from rubbish fancy dress costumes, to full on nudity and passing out in the street (all of which I see on a regular basis).
  3. Poor judgement. I’m sure you’ve all either experienced or know people who have experienced waking up next to somebody they wish they’d rather not have. As well as lowering your inhibitions, alcohol also lowers your standards and means you’re much more likely to sleep with someone that you may regret.
  4. With the price of alcohol constantly rising to subsidies the strain on the NHS that it causes, it’s not uncommon to hear of people spending 100+ on a night out. Once you factor in the drinks, the taxis because you can’t drive, the cigarettes you wouldn’t normally smoke and all of the other associated costs, it quickly becomes a very financially inefficient way to meet men.
  5. This is certainly one of the darker sides of alcohol and one that should be taken very seriously. Alcohol increases aggression and when this is combined with the frustration most men feel from their lack of success with men, it doesn’t take much for sparks to start flying. Seriously, when was the last time you saw a brawl in Starbucks?
  6. Health. This is another factor that should be taken very seriously. The damage that alcohol causes your body is extreme and can lead to liver disease and even cancer. Not to mention the impact it can have on your appearance with the average beer weighing in at 250kcal per pint! Combine five or six of those with a kebab at the end of the night and you’ve probably exceeded your daily allowance in one evening alone.
  7. Hangovers. As if all of the above reasons weren’t bad enough, paying for it the next morning with a thumping headache, feeling of a nausea and a mouth that feels like something died in it, hardly strikes me as an attractive deal.

We’re not saying you shouldn’t ever have a drink again. The occasional beer or cocktail can be very pleasant if enjoyed in moderation. However, if you rely on drinking in order to have a good time when you’re out or to be successful with local single men, then you still have internal issues that need resolving. Take it from a reformed binge-drinker whose self-esteem, disposable income and confidence with men have all sky-rocketed since cutting out the booze.

The post 7 Deadly Sins of Drinking on a Night Out appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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It’s hard to admit, but we have a drinking problem here in UK. A recent study by Bbentleysoflondon established that marriages end in divorce 45 percent of the time, when one of the spouses drinks heavily. You hear the term ‘Binge Drinking Culture’ thrown around all the time in the media, but you only have to […]

The post 7 Deadly Sins of Drinking on a Night Out appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5826) "

It’s hard to admit, but we have a drinking problem here in UK. A recent study by Bbentleysoflondon established that marriages end in divorce 45 percent of the time, when one of the spouses drinks heavily. You hear the term ‘Binge Drinking Culture’ thrown around all the time in the media, but you only have to go out on a Friday or Saturday night to know that this is true. Wave after wave of drunk revelers, staggering aimlessly up and down the streets like victims of a zombie outbreak. And why? All in the name of getting laid.

“But I just want to have a laugh with my mates”. Maybe so, but this is a by-product. The main reason people consume so much alcohol at the weekend, is to attempt to lower their inhibitions and to try and meet someone. Why do I know this? Because I used to be exactly the same. By getting absolutely obliterated each weekend, I somehow thought this would assist me in plucking up the courage to talk to men. What did it do instead? It usually meant that by the time I did gather this ‘Dutch courage’, I was usually so inebriated that whatever slurred, incomprehensible message I shouted in a girl’s ear, failed to do justice to the great first impression I knew I was capable of making.

The reason this problem exists, is because we as a society have come to accept it. Its ‘mob mentality’ that causes people to think “As long as everybody else is doing it, then it’s alright’”. People are conditioned to think that they need to drink in order to have a good time and, if they don’t, they become very self-conscious and uncomfortable. It also allows us a convenient excuse for our behavior. Whether we do something bad (argue with our friends) or fail to do something good (successfully attract a woman), we are able to blame it on “Oh well, I was battered”.

This unhealthy dependency on alcohol is one of the number one reasons men fail to attract men and is something that, if you ever want to be truly successful with the opposite sex, you need to cut down considerably or stop altogether.

So here are the 7 deadly sins of drinking on a night out:

  1. You cannot take ownership of your achievements. This means any success you do have with men on a night out, you cannot claim entirely as your own. If you can kiss a man in a club, but you can’t even talk to one in a shop, clearly there is a reliance on some external factor.
  2. Embarrassing yourself. One of the side effects of lowering your inhibitions is that you will be much more likely to behave in an undignified way. This includes anything from rubbish fancy dress costumes, to full on nudity and passing out in the street (all of which I see on a regular basis).
  3. Poor judgement. I’m sure you’ve all either experienced or know people who have experienced waking up next to somebody they wish they’d rather not have. As well as lowering your inhibitions, alcohol also lowers your standards and means you’re much more likely to sleep with someone that you may regret.
  4. With the price of alcohol constantly rising to subsidies the strain on the NHS that it causes, it’s not uncommon to hear of people spending 100+ on a night out. Once you factor in the drinks, the taxis because you can’t drive, the cigarettes you wouldn’t normally smoke and all of the other associated costs, it quickly becomes a very financially inefficient way to meet men.
  5. This is certainly one of the darker sides of alcohol and one that should be taken very seriously. Alcohol increases aggression and when this is combined with the frustration most men feel from their lack of success with men, it doesn’t take much for sparks to start flying. Seriously, when was the last time you saw a brawl in Starbucks?
  6. Health. This is another factor that should be taken very seriously. The damage that alcohol causes your body is extreme and can lead to liver disease and even cancer. Not to mention the impact it can have on your appearance with the average beer weighing in at 250kcal per pint! Combine five or six of those with a kebab at the end of the night and you’ve probably exceeded your daily allowance in one evening alone.
  7. Hangovers. As if all of the above reasons weren’t bad enough, paying for it the next morning with a thumping headache, feeling of a nausea and a mouth that feels like something died in it, hardly strikes me as an attractive deal.

We’re not saying you shouldn’t ever have a drink again. The occasional beer or cocktail can be very pleasant if enjoyed in moderation. However, if you rely on drinking in order to have a good time when you’re out or to be successful with local single men, then you still have internal issues that need resolving. Take it from a reformed binge-drinker whose self-esteem, disposable income and confidence with men have all sky-rocketed since cutting out the booze.

The post 7 Deadly Sins of Drinking on a Night Out appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Some women respond better to the direct approach, and can handle overtly sexual behaviour and are open to flirting. But there are a lot of women who are uncomfortable with this, and prefer the indirect approach, and are attracted to men who can connect with them mentally first before emotionally and of course physically. This type of girl, […]

The post Connecting With Women Through Conversation appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(12313) "

Some women respond better to the direct approach, and can handle overtly sexual behaviour and are open to flirting.

But there are a lot of women who are uncomfortable with this, and prefer the indirect approach, and are attracted to men who can connect with them mentally first before emotionally and of course physically.

This type of girl, many pick up artists  and dating coaches ignore, in fact pick up artists often tell men to be sexual with women straight away and to show their intention in the first few moments, which of course can work well on some women BUT NOT ALL.

Perfect the Art of Conversation

If I had one piece of advice to pass on to men it would be to improve and refine conversation skills, for the sheer reason that they are the backbone of every type of relationship but are severely underestimated in the Pick-up community.

As human beings we communicate in many ways, verbally, physically and visually are the most basic and obvious methods. To have a conversation with another person is a fundamental skill we learn from our primary education. To talk about various subjects with the people around us is a necessity of life in order to live. However, we must also converse for other reasons than to just fulfill a need or a whim, we must also converse to persuade, to befriends, to argue, to cause conflict, to educate and to understand. Thus conversation is of vital importance when it comes to representing ourselves and our needs to others particularly; strangers. Thus, conversation is perhaps the most necessary tool in seduction.

Despite this, many students I first meet are unaware and sometimes, skeptical about the importance of conversation skills or (as I like to call it), ‘The Art of Conversation’. When asked how they would rate their own skills, most people are quite sure of themselves, judging by their conversations with close friends and acquaintances within their own social circle. However, one of the main sticking points most students possess is ‘running out of things to say’. This is simply because having a conversation with a stranger is a very different scenario to that of speaking with someone you know something about, who is willing and prepared to speak to you. It is not enough to simply have a good opener, that won’t win a girl, nor will a great closing line – those skills (which can be bottled and rehearsed), will not alone seduce a girl.

The ‘dreaded’ mid-game that students avoid learning, and many PUAs avoid teaching is difficult because it is unpredictable and requires quick thinking with unpredictable answers. It has to entertain but not be a circus act. It requires a balance of questions and discussion (it is not an interrogation). One cannot rely on routines during mid-game conversations, although they can be implemented. To master conversation during the mid-game, requires the skill of working with whatever response you receive from the girl, trying to get as much information from her as possible and make her interested in you. The minimum you should achieve is that by the end of the conversation, before you close, you are no longer strangers. Here I will give you the techniques that I pass on to my students, to give you the grounding and the ability to master the Art of Conversation with most types of girls you will encounter.

Avoid Interrogation

My first piece of advice would be. DO NOT ASK TOO MANY QUESTIONS. This is because the conversation can easily turn into an interrogation. Imagine if a complete stranger approached you and started asking question after question. Then imagine after these questions, that person asked for your number, or tried to close you. After answering questions about yourself, you don’t know anything about the person you are actually talking to so you’re unlikely to give your number to someone who is still fundamentally a stranger. It is easy to fall back on questions because they are safe and usually guarantee a response from a girl. So as you ask question after question, you may think, “Yes I’ve kept this conversation going for a while, how great! I must be doing well, she must be into me!” If she hasn’t made her excuses to leave at this point, then she’s probably just very polite. The other problem with asking too many questions, and also asking the most obvious questions (a point I shall come back to) she will simply fall back on auto pilot mode. This is even worse than being interrogated, as she isn’t even thinking about her opinions. She is literally just quoting herself. To be more specific I will include this real example of myself.

Guy: …So what do you do?
Me: I’m a student.
Guy: Oh yeah? What do you study?
Me: Japanese
Guy: Oh wow! So how did you get into that?
Me: I’ve been interested in Asia since I was eight years old and….(etc etc) The biggest problems with this conversation are:

1. Too many questions.

2. I am clearly on autopilot

If I had a penny for every time I was asked the question “How did you become interested in Japanese?” I would be a very wealthy woman now. Not only am I asked this by acquaintances and guys trying to pick me up and get to know me but also on every single university application and CV. Although it is understandable that one may like to show interest, try to ask a specific question to make a girl think, something that she may not have asked herself before, or if she has; not very often.

Example:

Guy: I bet you study fine art; you dress a bit like a Parisian artist. (1) Girl :What? How? No…I study Japanese.

Guy: That’s interesting, I was completely wrong. Tell me three things that interest you most about Japan. (2)

Girl:….oh…three things….let me think uh…the first would be… (3)

1) The use of an assumption is detailed, therefore it can be as wild as one sees fit, it also doesn’t matter if you have assumed wrong, the more detail – the more wrong you are allowed to be. If you are vague, the assumption is thoughtless and impersonal and seems like a line you use on all girls.

2)  Admitting you were wrong, and moving straight on to the hook “Japanese” that was given to you. Asking for “Three things” is giving the girl a task that she must complete. She needs to acquiesce to your demands – this puts you in a higher position and also requires the girl to think about the answers.

3)  In the girl’s response, there is clear evidence that she is not on ‘autopilot’ mode. She may look up to the side while she racks her brain to think of impressive answers. You have stood out from the crowd.

Suddenly the autopilot mode has broken and I have to think. When a girl suddenly has to think of an answer that she did not have on the tip of her tongue, you may notice her eyes look up to the side as she racks her brain. This, you could say, is the indicator that the autopilot mode is broken. You have suddenly stood out as a person who made her think and question a large aspect of her life.

Also when using the “tell me three things…” remember that she is fulfilling a task; she is doing something for you. In the previous example, when the guy was asking all the questions, he was doing all the work – now the shoe is on the other foot.

Reading Between the Lines

It is important to look behind a girl’s responses rather than taking them on face value. For example;

Example:

Guy: Give me three reasons why cats are better than dogs.
Girl: uh…They’re much cleaner, they’re independent, and they’re very soothing

Looking at these answers, one could either continue on by discussing the other benefits of owning cats, or perhaps the benefits of owning dogs or snakes instead. Or one could look at how these reasons are a product of her personality. She says she likes how independent cats are; does she therefore perhaps dislike responsibility? Does she not like children either? Or keeps a busy lifestyle? Or perhaps she’s stressed easily and needs a calming influence from the ‘soothing’ nature of a cat.

Offering these assumptions (again assumptions are stronger than questions) you are making an attempt to read into who she is inside. It may seem false at first, but girls appreciate being read. You are making an honest attempt to understand her as a person.

Example:

Girl: I work in a bank.

Guy: Is that something you always wanted to do? Or did you parents pressure you into it?

This is a very strong example, it may be a sensitive subject, however, if you are bold enough to bring this up then you are more likely to receive a deep and interesting response. High risk? High reward.

Connecting with WomenYou must also offer personal or emotional details of your personality as well; otherwise she will be as much a stranger to you as when you first met, it will also encourage her to speak openly about herself to you. Remember you are much more likely to close successfully having been able to connect with her beneath the surface.

Of course, this is a very small snapshot of the conversation skills one can learn. This is not the full answer by any means but my intentions in explaining these few tips are to emphasize how easily mistakes are made and bad habits are formed and also to explain some of the reasons why talking to a girl who is a complete stranger can be so difficult and how one can rectify this situation. The Art of Conversation is a very broad topic which is difficult to break down alone but with training becomes an invaluable lesson. In the Pick Up community, you will find many trainers who give you lists of routines. I can speak from experience that routines, although fun and useful, are not the backbone of a conversation, neither do they give you much opportunity to get to know the girl or entice her to want to know you. Also in routines, one unexpected reaction can throw you off course (I have seen top Pick Up Artists fail when I gave them an unexpected reaction!). With conversation skills, you can be prepared for any response and entice a girl to deliver information and share a moment with you when two people cease to be strangers any more.

By John’s Special Guest: Kezia Noble
Kezia Noble, world’s leading dating expert for men, published author of best selling book “Noble Art Of Seducing Women” is a regular newspaper and magazine columnist as well as frequently appearing as a guest expert on TV shows across the globe.

The post Connecting With Women Through Conversation appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Some women respond better to the direct approach, and can handle overtly sexual behaviour and are open to flirting. But there are a lot of women who are uncomfortable with this, and prefer the indirect approach, and are attracted to men who can connect with them mentally first before emotionally and of course physically. This type of girl, […]

The post Connecting With Women Through Conversation appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(12313) "

Some women respond better to the direct approach, and can handle overtly sexual behaviour and are open to flirting.

But there are a lot of women who are uncomfortable with this, and prefer the indirect approach, and are attracted to men who can connect with them mentally first before emotionally and of course physically.

This type of girl, many pick up artists  and dating coaches ignore, in fact pick up artists often tell men to be sexual with women straight away and to show their intention in the first few moments, which of course can work well on some women BUT NOT ALL.

Perfect the Art of Conversation

If I had one piece of advice to pass on to men it would be to improve and refine conversation skills, for the sheer reason that they are the backbone of every type of relationship but are severely underestimated in the Pick-up community.

As human beings we communicate in many ways, verbally, physically and visually are the most basic and obvious methods. To have a conversation with another person is a fundamental skill we learn from our primary education. To talk about various subjects with the people around us is a necessity of life in order to live. However, we must also converse for other reasons than to just fulfill a need or a whim, we must also converse to persuade, to befriends, to argue, to cause conflict, to educate and to understand. Thus conversation is of vital importance when it comes to representing ourselves and our needs to others particularly; strangers. Thus, conversation is perhaps the most necessary tool in seduction.

Despite this, many students I first meet are unaware and sometimes, skeptical about the importance of conversation skills or (as I like to call it), ‘The Art of Conversation’. When asked how they would rate their own skills, most people are quite sure of themselves, judging by their conversations with close friends and acquaintances within their own social circle. However, one of the main sticking points most students possess is ‘running out of things to say’. This is simply because having a conversation with a stranger is a very different scenario to that of speaking with someone you know something about, who is willing and prepared to speak to you. It is not enough to simply have a good opener, that won’t win a girl, nor will a great closing line – those skills (which can be bottled and rehearsed), will not alone seduce a girl.

The ‘dreaded’ mid-game that students avoid learning, and many PUAs avoid teaching is difficult because it is unpredictable and requires quick thinking with unpredictable answers. It has to entertain but not be a circus act. It requires a balance of questions and discussion (it is not an interrogation). One cannot rely on routines during mid-game conversations, although they can be implemented. To master conversation during the mid-game, requires the skill of working with whatever response you receive from the girl, trying to get as much information from her as possible and make her interested in you. The minimum you should achieve is that by the end of the conversation, before you close, you are no longer strangers. Here I will give you the techniques that I pass on to my students, to give you the grounding and the ability to master the Art of Conversation with most types of girls you will encounter.

Avoid Interrogation

My first piece of advice would be. DO NOT ASK TOO MANY QUESTIONS. This is because the conversation can easily turn into an interrogation. Imagine if a complete stranger approached you and started asking question after question. Then imagine after these questions, that person asked for your number, or tried to close you. After answering questions about yourself, you don’t know anything about the person you are actually talking to so you’re unlikely to give your number to someone who is still fundamentally a stranger. It is easy to fall back on questions because they are safe and usually guarantee a response from a girl. So as you ask question after question, you may think, “Yes I’ve kept this conversation going for a while, how great! I must be doing well, she must be into me!” If she hasn’t made her excuses to leave at this point, then she’s probably just very polite. The other problem with asking too many questions, and also asking the most obvious questions (a point I shall come back to) she will simply fall back on auto pilot mode. This is even worse than being interrogated, as she isn’t even thinking about her opinions. She is literally just quoting herself. To be more specific I will include this real example of myself.

Guy: …So what do you do?
Me: I’m a student.
Guy: Oh yeah? What do you study?
Me: Japanese
Guy: Oh wow! So how did you get into that?
Me: I’ve been interested in Asia since I was eight years old and….(etc etc) The biggest problems with this conversation are:

1. Too many questions.

2. I am clearly on autopilot

If I had a penny for every time I was asked the question “How did you become interested in Japanese?” I would be a very wealthy woman now. Not only am I asked this by acquaintances and guys trying to pick me up and get to know me but also on every single university application and CV. Although it is understandable that one may like to show interest, try to ask a specific question to make a girl think, something that she may not have asked herself before, or if she has; not very often.

Example:

Guy: I bet you study fine art; you dress a bit like a Parisian artist. (1) Girl :What? How? No…I study Japanese.

Guy: That’s interesting, I was completely wrong. Tell me three things that interest you most about Japan. (2)

Girl:….oh…three things….let me think uh…the first would be… (3)

1) The use of an assumption is detailed, therefore it can be as wild as one sees fit, it also doesn’t matter if you have assumed wrong, the more detail – the more wrong you are allowed to be. If you are vague, the assumption is thoughtless and impersonal and seems like a line you use on all girls.

2)  Admitting you were wrong, and moving straight on to the hook “Japanese” that was given to you. Asking for “Three things” is giving the girl a task that she must complete. She needs to acquiesce to your demands – this puts you in a higher position and also requires the girl to think about the answers.

3)  In the girl’s response, there is clear evidence that she is not on ‘autopilot’ mode. She may look up to the side while she racks her brain to think of impressive answers. You have stood out from the crowd.

Suddenly the autopilot mode has broken and I have to think. When a girl suddenly has to think of an answer that she did not have on the tip of her tongue, you may notice her eyes look up to the side as she racks her brain. This, you could say, is the indicator that the autopilot mode is broken. You have suddenly stood out as a person who made her think and question a large aspect of her life.

Also when using the “tell me three things…” remember that she is fulfilling a task; she is doing something for you. In the previous example, when the guy was asking all the questions, he was doing all the work – now the shoe is on the other foot.

Reading Between the Lines

It is important to look behind a girl’s responses rather than taking them on face value. For example;

Example:

Guy: Give me three reasons why cats are better than dogs.
Girl: uh…They’re much cleaner, they’re independent, and they’re very soothing

Looking at these answers, one could either continue on by discussing the other benefits of owning cats, or perhaps the benefits of owning dogs or snakes instead. Or one could look at how these reasons are a product of her personality. She says she likes how independent cats are; does she therefore perhaps dislike responsibility? Does she not like children either? Or keeps a busy lifestyle? Or perhaps she’s stressed easily and needs a calming influence from the ‘soothing’ nature of a cat.

Offering these assumptions (again assumptions are stronger than questions) you are making an attempt to read into who she is inside. It may seem false at first, but girls appreciate being read. You are making an honest attempt to understand her as a person.

Example:

Girl: I work in a bank.

Guy: Is that something you always wanted to do? Or did you parents pressure you into it?

This is a very strong example, it may be a sensitive subject, however, if you are bold enough to bring this up then you are more likely to receive a deep and interesting response. High risk? High reward.

Connecting with WomenYou must also offer personal or emotional details of your personality as well; otherwise she will be as much a stranger to you as when you first met, it will also encourage her to speak openly about herself to you. Remember you are much more likely to close successfully having been able to connect with her beneath the surface.

Of course, this is a very small snapshot of the conversation skills one can learn. This is not the full answer by any means but my intentions in explaining these few tips are to emphasize how easily mistakes are made and bad habits are formed and also to explain some of the reasons why talking to a girl who is a complete stranger can be so difficult and how one can rectify this situation. The Art of Conversation is a very broad topic which is difficult to break down alone but with training becomes an invaluable lesson. In the Pick Up community, you will find many trainers who give you lists of routines. I can speak from experience that routines, although fun and useful, are not the backbone of a conversation, neither do they give you much opportunity to get to know the girl or entice her to want to know you. Also in routines, one unexpected reaction can throw you off course (I have seen top Pick Up Artists fail when I gave them an unexpected reaction!). With conversation skills, you can be prepared for any response and entice a girl to deliver information and share a moment with you when two people cease to be strangers any more.

By John’s Special Guest: Kezia Noble
Kezia Noble, world’s leading dating expert for men, published author of best selling book “Noble Art Of Seducing Women” is a regular newspaper and magazine columnist as well as frequently appearing as a guest expert on TV shows across the globe.

The post Connecting With Women Through Conversation appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1603726370) } [2]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(42) "Make the First Ten Seconds of a Date Count" ["link"]=> string(81) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/10/26/make-the-first-ten-seconds-of-a-date-count/" ["comments"]=> string(89) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/10/26/make-the-first-ten-seconds-of-a-date-count/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 26 Oct 2020 15:18:31 +0000" ["category"]=> string(70) "Relationship Adviceadviceconversationdatingfirst daterelationshipstalk" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6162" ["description"]=> string(591) "

For you men who always seem to have great first dates, you probably already know this important, unspoken rule. For those of you who always seem to blow it on the first date, I have one very important thing you need to remember:  The very first moments are not about you. But first, this actually happened […]

The post Make the First Ten Seconds of a Date Count appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4910) "

For you men who always seem to have great first dates, you probably already know this important, unspoken rule.

For those of you who always seem to blow it on the first date, I have one very important thing you need to remember:  The very first moments are not about you.

But first, this actually happened to me, and it’s a prime example of what not to do:

I’m on a first date with a guy.  The bodybuilder type.  Not necessarily my type, but hey, we’ll give him a try.  About ten minutes into our shallow conversation he grabs my hand and slowly places it on his upper arm.  He looks down at my hand, looks me in the eyes, and says, “I just love the way a woman’s hand looks on my bicep”.

I start laughing because he just made a joke, right?  Apparently, it wasn’t a joke, and I didn’t stick around much longer to hear any of his other non-jokes.

Guys, we know if you have gorgeous eyes or great hands.  We know if you spent an hour color coordinating your clothes.  We know if you’ve been eating loads of spinach and have achieved Popeye arm status.  We also know if we aren’t ready to give you a compliment because you’ve failed to acknowledge anything about us.

Do you have any idea how much time we just spent getting ready for this date with you?  And by the way, many parts of it were really painful.

This may sound obvious to many of you, but if you’ve been out of the dating scene for a while, let me just give you a quick refresher.  The first ten seconds of the date are strictly about the female and complimenting her on her appearance.  You get the next three seconds.  Four if you’re lucky.  Of course, I fully expect a woman to reciprocate the compliment, but some women just don’t get it.  Don’t blame me if she doesn’t spend the next four seconds petting your perfectly sculpted Civil War sideburns.  They are in style again, aren’t they?

Sometimes you’re nervous and you forget, I understand.  However, if you don’t compliment her immediately, I guarantee she will be waiting for it.  All night long.  Seriously.  And you’ll begin wondering why she isn’t engaging in the conversation.  And you’ll be wondering why her responses consist of a bunch of mmm hmmms.

We’re simply hardwired for this initial conversation, starting with you:

  “Hello.” 
– “Hi!”
  “You look beautiful.”  (gorgeous – stunning – striking – right-click, synonyms)
– “Thank you!”

We blush and we feign bashfulness because we were totally not expecting that.  Not at all.

So, yes, she needs to hear this, and no, it doesn’t mean she’s self-centered.  If she is, you’ll find out quickly enough and probably regret the “Man, you’re hotter than Megan Fox in the first Transformers movie” comment.  (Do not say that.)

first dateBut, this is what romancing a woman is all about, and it should start immediately.  If you really are into her, compliment her a couple more times throughout the date, but don’t pile them on.  It gets uncomfortable and just a little creepy for us after that.

Why can’t we women just make up our minds?

So, you’ve complimented her and conquered the most crucial kick-off part of the date.  And now you’ve got your foot in the game.  Continue being the gentlemen that you’re pretty sure you can be, and maybe then we can talk about your biceps.

The post Make the First Ten Seconds of a Date Count appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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For you men who always seem to have great first dates, you probably already know this important, unspoken rule. For those of you who always seem to blow it on the first date, I have one very important thing you need to remember:  The very first moments are not about you. But first, this actually happened […]

The post Make the First Ten Seconds of a Date Count appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4910) "

For you men who always seem to have great first dates, you probably already know this important, unspoken rule.

For those of you who always seem to blow it on the first date, I have one very important thing you need to remember:  The very first moments are not about you.

But first, this actually happened to me, and it’s a prime example of what not to do:

I’m on a first date with a guy.  The bodybuilder type.  Not necessarily my type, but hey, we’ll give him a try.  About ten minutes into our shallow conversation he grabs my hand and slowly places it on his upper arm.  He looks down at my hand, looks me in the eyes, and says, “I just love the way a woman’s hand looks on my bicep”.

I start laughing because he just made a joke, right?  Apparently, it wasn’t a joke, and I didn’t stick around much longer to hear any of his other non-jokes.

Guys, we know if you have gorgeous eyes or great hands.  We know if you spent an hour color coordinating your clothes.  We know if you’ve been eating loads of spinach and have achieved Popeye arm status.  We also know if we aren’t ready to give you a compliment because you’ve failed to acknowledge anything about us.

Do you have any idea how much time we just spent getting ready for this date with you?  And by the way, many parts of it were really painful.

This may sound obvious to many of you, but if you’ve been out of the dating scene for a while, let me just give you a quick refresher.  The first ten seconds of the date are strictly about the female and complimenting her on her appearance.  You get the next three seconds.  Four if you’re lucky.  Of course, I fully expect a woman to reciprocate the compliment, but some women just don’t get it.  Don’t blame me if she doesn’t spend the next four seconds petting your perfectly sculpted Civil War sideburns.  They are in style again, aren’t they?

Sometimes you’re nervous and you forget, I understand.  However, if you don’t compliment her immediately, I guarantee she will be waiting for it.  All night long.  Seriously.  And you’ll begin wondering why she isn’t engaging in the conversation.  And you’ll be wondering why her responses consist of a bunch of mmm hmmms.

We’re simply hardwired for this initial conversation, starting with you:

  “Hello.” 
– “Hi!”
  “You look beautiful.”  (gorgeous – stunning – striking – right-click, synonyms)
– “Thank you!”

We blush and we feign bashfulness because we were totally not expecting that.  Not at all.

So, yes, she needs to hear this, and no, it doesn’t mean she’s self-centered.  If she is, you’ll find out quickly enough and probably regret the “Man, you’re hotter than Megan Fox in the first Transformers movie” comment.  (Do not say that.)

first dateBut, this is what romancing a woman is all about, and it should start immediately.  If you really are into her, compliment her a couple more times throughout the date, but don’t pile them on.  It gets uncomfortable and just a little creepy for us after that.

Why can’t we women just make up our minds?

So, you’ve complimented her and conquered the most crucial kick-off part of the date.  And now you’ve got your foot in the game.  Continue being the gentlemen that you’re pretty sure you can be, and maybe then we can talk about your biceps.

The post Make the First Ten Seconds of a Date Count appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1603725511) } [3]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(17) "Talk, Talk, Talk?" ["link"]=> string(53) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/10/26/talk-talk-talk/" ["comments"]=> string(61) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/10/26/talk-talk-talk/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 26 Oct 2020 14:27:18 +0000" ["category"]=> string(48) "Relationship Advicebody languageconversationtalk" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6158" ["description"]=> string(571) "

If you’ve been a subscriber for awhile, you know there are two types of people in the world: talkers and doers. Talkers talk a lot (especially about themselves), but when you examine their actions, you find they do little, and talk to cover that up. Interestingly, though, when it comes to attraction, some of the best doers also talk […]

The post Talk, Talk, Talk? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4085) "

If you’ve been a subscriber for awhile, you know there are two types of people in the world: talkers and doers.

Talkers talk a lot (especially about themselves), but when you examine their actions, you find they do little, and talk to cover that up.

Interestingly, though, when it comes to attractionsome of the best doers also talk a lot…but not in the way talkers do.

When it comes to women, if you wish to attract them, you have to talk to them. Women are attracted to the sound of a man’s voice the way men are attracted to looks. They are also attracted to the way a man uses his words, much as a man is attracted to how a woman dresses.

Talking to women is like writing—to get and stay good, you have to constantly do it. That means you never miss an opportunity to talk with a woman, even for a brief time.

The more you talk to women (and pay close attention to them), the more you realize they communicate much differently from men. Facial expressions, gestures, tonality, and structure of language are much different with women than they are with men.

When you talk to other men, it’s in a straightforward manner. But with women, a large part of the conversation is through intrigue, innuendo, inference, and shading the meaning of your words.

After all, if you come right out and tell a woman you like her, what does it do? It kills the attraction dead—there is no intrigue, no vagueness, no buildup, no anticipation, no activation or imagination, all important to the female mind.

Obviously you don’t start out good at talking to women—no man does. But the more you do it, and the more you pay attention to her reactions based on your inputs, the more you evaluate your communication and calibrate, the better you’ll get.

Most men don’t think about talking to women as a skill to be learned. They think it’s just like talking to their guy friends, then are mystified when women are not interested in them. Ask any woman about her bad dates, and more than likely she’ll say he went on and on and on about nothing. Ask her about her good ones, and she’ll often say he was funny, and they had amazing chemistry.

conversationWhat is interesting about this is, during both the good and the bad dates, a man was talking. But what made the difference between utter boredom and chemistry was how he talked, what he said, and the way he said it.

The only way you can get good at talking to women is by talking to women, with the mindset that you are getting better and better at it, that you are learning a skill, not filling in the time. But when you pay attention to this, and start deliberately improving, you’ll eventually learn to speak the language of women, opening up a whole new world most men are never privy to.

The post Talk, Talk, Talk? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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If you’ve been a subscriber for awhile, you know there are two types of people in the world: talkers and doers. Talkers talk a lot (especially about themselves), but when you examine their actions, you find they do little, and talk to cover that up. Interestingly, though, when it comes to attraction, some of the best doers also talk […]

The post Talk, Talk, Talk? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4085) "

If you’ve been a subscriber for awhile, you know there are two types of people in the world: talkers and doers.

Talkers talk a lot (especially about themselves), but when you examine their actions, you find they do little, and talk to cover that up.

Interestingly, though, when it comes to attractionsome of the best doers also talk a lot…but not in the way talkers do.

When it comes to women, if you wish to attract them, you have to talk to them. Women are attracted to the sound of a man’s voice the way men are attracted to looks. They are also attracted to the way a man uses his words, much as a man is attracted to how a woman dresses.

Talking to women is like writing—to get and stay good, you have to constantly do it. That means you never miss an opportunity to talk with a woman, even for a brief time.

The more you talk to women (and pay close attention to them), the more you realize they communicate much differently from men. Facial expressions, gestures, tonality, and structure of language are much different with women than they are with men.

When you talk to other men, it’s in a straightforward manner. But with women, a large part of the conversation is through intrigue, innuendo, inference, and shading the meaning of your words.

After all, if you come right out and tell a woman you like her, what does it do? It kills the attraction dead—there is no intrigue, no vagueness, no buildup, no anticipation, no activation or imagination, all important to the female mind.

Obviously you don’t start out good at talking to women—no man does. But the more you do it, and the more you pay attention to her reactions based on your inputs, the more you evaluate your communication and calibrate, the better you’ll get.

Most men don’t think about talking to women as a skill to be learned. They think it’s just like talking to their guy friends, then are mystified when women are not interested in them. Ask any woman about her bad dates, and more than likely she’ll say he went on and on and on about nothing. Ask her about her good ones, and she’ll often say he was funny, and they had amazing chemistry.

conversationWhat is interesting about this is, during both the good and the bad dates, a man was talking. But what made the difference between utter boredom and chemistry was how he talked, what he said, and the way he said it.

The only way you can get good at talking to women is by talking to women, with the mindset that you are getting better and better at it, that you are learning a skill, not filling in the time. But when you pay attention to this, and start deliberately improving, you’ll eventually learn to speak the language of women, opening up a whole new world most men are never privy to.

The post Talk, Talk, Talk? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1603722438) } [4]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(14) "Forget Forever" ["link"]=> string(53) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/10/26/forget-forever/" ["comments"]=> string(61) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/10/26/forget-forever/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 26 Oct 2020 14:20:00 +0000" ["category"]=> string(46) "Relationship AdviceattractionDivorcemeet women" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6154" ["description"]=> string(589) "

The message is always there, although it gets worse over the holidays: when you meet a woman and feel intense attraction, it will last FOREVER. If it doesn’t, either you’re a failure OR she misrepresented herself and fooled you. Therefore she must pay. What a crappy message. Sure, it lines the pockets of jewelry stores, wedding planners, bridal shops, […]

The post Forget Forever appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4432) "

The message is always there, although it gets worse over the holidays: when you meet a woman and feel intense attraction, it will last FOREVER.

If it doesn’t, either you’re a failure OR she misrepresented herself and fooled you. Therefore she must pay.

What a crappy message. Sure, it lines the pockets of jewelry stores, wedding planners, bridal shops, the state, private investigators, divorce attorneys, and everyone else who makes their living from the Marriage-Divorce Financial Complex.

However, it has absolutely nothing to do with reality, no matter how much we might wish it to. And while the Marriage-Divorce Financial Complex is all too real, in the end, it is YOUR choice whether to participate in it or not. I have no issue with exchanging goods or services if someone wants to buy or someone wants to sell, but along with that comes the personal responsibility of being an informed consumer.

The reality is this: intense attraction fades over time, and the blindness that comes with it wears off. It is a scientific fact that this initial attraction is completely gone after three years, and it doesn’t come back. People who make legal relationship decisions based purely on this feeling AND the constant bombardment of messages claiming it will last forever inadvertently find themselves sucked into the Marriage-Divorce Financial complex, set up to feed that beast by assigning blame to the other party.

However, when you recognize the reality that attraction does, indeed, fade over time, you prepare yourself for it AND you can make better relationship decisions. I have no issue with marriage at all, but I do have a huge issue with the way people make decisions to get into it, and how it’s sold.

Very few people make it to “death do us part.” Most, at some point, break up, get divorced, or simply grow apart into roommates who tolerate each other while remembering there used to be an attraction there. If you recognize this decidedly unromantic reality, you can make very good relationship decisions, and decide whether or not marriage is for you.

People whose marriages tend to last take reality into the situation—whether they have like minded goals, sex drive, ways to handle conflict, negotiation, etc. In other words, they have business skills applied to what is a business environment, and those skills can make the “business” (marriage) last. But even then, it might not last forever, and when you realize this is simply a human condition, you can end the agreement with no malice and move on.

experience with womenWhen you get the idea of “forever” out of your mind, and concentrate on the present and near futureyour experiences with women change. When a relationship “ends,” you don’t take it personally, which sets you up for the next one. And when you realize attraction fades but can be replaced with a good working relationship and fondness for each other, you give yourself to approximate forever, just not in the way you thought.

Never get into a relationship based on the expectation of forever. It’s a good way to quickly destroy one. Get into one based on reality, and strangely, you might find you last a hell of a lot longer than all those wide eyed fools wondering why their forevers have a definite expiration date.

The post Forget Forever appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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The message is always there, although it gets worse over the holidays: when you meet a woman and feel intense attraction, it will last FOREVER. If it doesn’t, either you’re a failure OR she misrepresented herself and fooled you. Therefore she must pay. What a crappy message. Sure, it lines the pockets of jewelry stores, wedding planners, bridal shops, […]

The post Forget Forever appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4432) "

The message is always there, although it gets worse over the holidays: when you meet a woman and feel intense attraction, it will last FOREVER.

If it doesn’t, either you’re a failure OR she misrepresented herself and fooled you. Therefore she must pay.

What a crappy message. Sure, it lines the pockets of jewelry stores, wedding planners, bridal shops, the state, private investigators, divorce attorneys, and everyone else who makes their living from the Marriage-Divorce Financial Complex.

However, it has absolutely nothing to do with reality, no matter how much we might wish it to. And while the Marriage-Divorce Financial Complex is all too real, in the end, it is YOUR choice whether to participate in it or not. I have no issue with exchanging goods or services if someone wants to buy or someone wants to sell, but along with that comes the personal responsibility of being an informed consumer.

The reality is this: intense attraction fades over time, and the blindness that comes with it wears off. It is a scientific fact that this initial attraction is completely gone after three years, and it doesn’t come back. People who make legal relationship decisions based purely on this feeling AND the constant bombardment of messages claiming it will last forever inadvertently find themselves sucked into the Marriage-Divorce Financial complex, set up to feed that beast by assigning blame to the other party.

However, when you recognize the reality that attraction does, indeed, fade over time, you prepare yourself for it AND you can make better relationship decisions. I have no issue with marriage at all, but I do have a huge issue with the way people make decisions to get into it, and how it’s sold.

Very few people make it to “death do us part.” Most, at some point, break up, get divorced, or simply grow apart into roommates who tolerate each other while remembering there used to be an attraction there. If you recognize this decidedly unromantic reality, you can make very good relationship decisions, and decide whether or not marriage is for you.

People whose marriages tend to last take reality into the situation—whether they have like minded goals, sex drive, ways to handle conflict, negotiation, etc. In other words, they have business skills applied to what is a business environment, and those skills can make the “business” (marriage) last. But even then, it might not last forever, and when you realize this is simply a human condition, you can end the agreement with no malice and move on.

experience with womenWhen you get the idea of “forever” out of your mind, and concentrate on the present and near futureyour experiences with women change. When a relationship “ends,” you don’t take it personally, which sets you up for the next one. And when you realize attraction fades but can be replaced with a good working relationship and fondness for each other, you give yourself to approximate forever, just not in the way you thought.

Never get into a relationship based on the expectation of forever. It’s a good way to quickly destroy one. Get into one based on reality, and strangely, you might find you last a hell of a lot longer than all those wide eyed fools wondering why their forevers have a definite expiration date.

The post Forget Forever appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1603722000) } [5]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(49) "Why You Should Never Settle for Minimum Standards" ["link"]=> string(88) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/10/26/why-you-should-never-settle-for-minimum-standards/" ["comments"]=> string(96) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/10/26/why-you-should-never-settle-for-minimum-standards/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 26 Oct 2020 14:13:30 +0000" ["category"]=> string(13) "Dating Advice" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6150" ["description"]=> string(614) "

Decades ago, when a woman was asked about what kind of man she’d like to meet, she’d say a doctor or a lawyer or some other kind of accomplished man. She’d list the attributes she wanted in him, things like smart, funny, ambitious, stable, etc. Today when you ask a woman about what kind of man she’d like […]

The post Why You Should Never Settle for Minimum Standards appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4390) "

Decades ago, when a woman was asked about what kind of man she’d like to meet, she’d say a doctor or a lawyer or some other kind of accomplished man. She’d list the attributes she wanted in him, things like smart, funny, ambitious, stable, etc.

Today when you ask a woman about what kind of man she’d like to meet, she starts by naming what kind of man she does NOT want to meet. No whiners, no liars, no unemployed guys, no guys who live with their Mother, and so on.

Even when you do ask her what she wants in a man, she’ll often say, a guy with a job and a guy with a car.

Pretty pathetic, huh? But that’s the sorry state of men today, most of them are whiney little babies who moan about how bad it is to be born into prosperity (and we ARE prosperous, especially in comparison to other countries) or who have weak, damaged, small self images.

Of course women still would like to meet an accomplished man, a man who takes charge, creates his own life, believes the best is yet to come, and is a lot of fun to hang around. But there are so few men like that today, that a guy with a job and a car appears accomplished in comparison to the soft minded males who are out there.

This is bad news for society (the military has actually done studies on this, worried about the shrinking pool of eligible recruits), but it IS good news for you, and any man who wants to be an accomplished man.

Becoming an accomplished man starts with your attitude, and attitude really is what’s attractive to women. A man who makes himself mentally tough, a man who seeks out opportunity while withstanding failure, a man who prides himself on his ability to earn (and improving that ability), a man who likes to have a lot of fun, and who truly likes women is a rare, rare gem.

Obviously that man is very much in demand, and when you make yourself that man, you suddenly have a lot of choice with women. When you adopt this attitude, you discover something interesting, something the girlie men in the media don’t want you to know: it feels right.

I’ve known guys who bought into the whole idea that angst was cool, that mumbling was cooler, and that being broke was the coolest who took a look at their results, decided they didn’t like them, and decided to adopt a whole new attitude.

Minimum StandardsThey started walking upright, started speaking clearly, started looking people in the eye when they spoke, and got serious about learning how to earn and accomplish. Then they got results with women, and their demeanor is completely different. They felt the difference between accomplishment and entitlement, and they will never, ever go back to their whiney ways. They are no longer minimum or substandard men—they are accomplished men with an accomplished attitude who have no tolerance for the minimum. They want the maximum out of life, are willing to do what it takes, and have discovered the rewards along the way.

This is the kind of man you want to be, the kind of man you can choose to be.

The post Why You Should Never Settle for Minimum Standards appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(93) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/10/26/why-you-should-never-settle-for-minimum-standards/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(614) "

Decades ago, when a woman was asked about what kind of man she’d like to meet, she’d say a doctor or a lawyer or some other kind of accomplished man. She’d list the attributes she wanted in him, things like smart, funny, ambitious, stable, etc. Today when you ask a woman about what kind of man she’d like […]

The post Why You Should Never Settle for Minimum Standards appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4390) "

Decades ago, when a woman was asked about what kind of man she’d like to meet, she’d say a doctor or a lawyer or some other kind of accomplished man. She’d list the attributes she wanted in him, things like smart, funny, ambitious, stable, etc.

Today when you ask a woman about what kind of man she’d like to meet, she starts by naming what kind of man she does NOT want to meet. No whiners, no liars, no unemployed guys, no guys who live with their Mother, and so on.

Even when you do ask her what she wants in a man, she’ll often say, a guy with a job and a guy with a car.

Pretty pathetic, huh? But that’s the sorry state of men today, most of them are whiney little babies who moan about how bad it is to be born into prosperity (and we ARE prosperous, especially in comparison to other countries) or who have weak, damaged, small self images.

Of course women still would like to meet an accomplished man, a man who takes charge, creates his own life, believes the best is yet to come, and is a lot of fun to hang around. But there are so few men like that today, that a guy with a job and a car appears accomplished in comparison to the soft minded males who are out there.

This is bad news for society (the military has actually done studies on this, worried about the shrinking pool of eligible recruits), but it IS good news for you, and any man who wants to be an accomplished man.

Becoming an accomplished man starts with your attitude, and attitude really is what’s attractive to women. A man who makes himself mentally tough, a man who seeks out opportunity while withstanding failure, a man who prides himself on his ability to earn (and improving that ability), a man who likes to have a lot of fun, and who truly likes women is a rare, rare gem.

Obviously that man is very much in demand, and when you make yourself that man, you suddenly have a lot of choice with women. When you adopt this attitude, you discover something interesting, something the girlie men in the media don’t want you to know: it feels right.

I’ve known guys who bought into the whole idea that angst was cool, that mumbling was cooler, and that being broke was the coolest who took a look at their results, decided they didn’t like them, and decided to adopt a whole new attitude.

Minimum StandardsThey started walking upright, started speaking clearly, started looking people in the eye when they spoke, and got serious about learning how to earn and accomplish. Then they got results with women, and their demeanor is completely different. They felt the difference between accomplishment and entitlement, and they will never, ever go back to their whiney ways. They are no longer minimum or substandard men—they are accomplished men with an accomplished attitude who have no tolerance for the minimum. They want the maximum out of life, are willing to do what it takes, and have discovered the rewards along the way.

This is the kind of man you want to be, the kind of man you can choose to be.

The post Why You Should Never Settle for Minimum Standards appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1603721610) } [6]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(15) "Assessing Blame" ["link"]=> string(54) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/10/26/assessing-blame/" ["comments"]=> string(62) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/10/26/assessing-blame/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 26 Oct 2020 14:02:35 +0000" ["category"]=> string(19) "Relationship Advice" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6147" ["description"]=> string(564) "

People LOVE to assess blame, especially in this day and age of entitlement. Assessing blame is an easy way to avoid responsibility, an easy way to avoid failure, and something those with weak self images love to do. Nowhere do people assess more blame than in relationships. If it didn’t work out, it was HIS fault because he’s […]

The post Assessing Blame appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4054) "

People LOVE to assess blame, especially in this day and age of entitlement.

Assessing blame is an easy way to avoid responsibilityan easy way to avoid failure, and something those with weak self images love to do.

Nowhere do people assess more blame than in relationships. If it didn’t work out, it was HIS fault because he’s an ass or it was HER fault because she was a bitch.

Or, what you hear just as often is, “we got married and he or she changed.” Or, “we committed to each other, and he or she turned out not to be the person I thought they were.” In all of these statements, there is an assessment of blame, usually on the other person.

One of the biggest reasons people assess blame when a relationship ends is to conform to the relationship narrative they’ve been bombarded with all their lives. That narrative is that there is ONE special person, your SOULMATE, you will meet, who will complete you in every way, and you will spend the rest of your life with. You will know them when you meet them because you will feel chemistry like you’ve never felt.

Now, when a relationship with a purported soulmate ends, there are two explanations. 1) That person PRETENDED to be your soulmate for nefarious reasons, emotionally defrauded you and scammed you, it’s their fault, and now they must PAY. Divorce lawyers love this explanation. 2) The whole idea of one soulmate is complete nonsense, and the reality is attraction waxes and wanes.

People do NOT like explanation #2 because it clashes with narrative. Furthermore, there is an entire industry I call “The Marriage Divorce Financial Complex” consisting of everything from diamond hockers to wedding planners to divorce attorneys who make a very nice living from people getting married and divorced and married and divorce. They profit from blame, and do everything they can to encourage it.

Now, I’m an avowed capitalist, and I have no issue with people making a market. However, as a consumer, it is up to YOU to do your due diligence, and make an informed buying or non-buying decision. And when it comes to blame and relationships, the best thing you can do is to NOT buy into it.

You see, the reality is, most of the time (not always) no one is to blame when a relationship dissolves, any more than anyone is to blame when the sun sets. It is a natural phenomenon, with the feeling of attraction reaching a peak, then naturally diminishing.

No one is to blame for this, it’s simply how attraction works. If you recognize it, and understand that almost every relationship you have will eventually end, then you can let them end amicably, and perhaps start them again at a future time. There is no such thing as one soulmate, but the good news is this: there are a lot of really cool women out there to spend time with, so that when one relationship ends, no blame needs to be assessed…just go spend time with another great woman, and what you will find as your life progresses is your life is full of great women, and that because assessed no blame, no relationship ever truly ends.

The post Assessing Blame appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(59) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/10/26/assessing-blame/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(564) "

People LOVE to assess blame, especially in this day and age of entitlement. Assessing blame is an easy way to avoid responsibility, an easy way to avoid failure, and something those with weak self images love to do. Nowhere do people assess more blame than in relationships. If it didn’t work out, it was HIS fault because he’s […]

The post Assessing Blame appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4054) "

People LOVE to assess blame, especially in this day and age of entitlement.

Assessing blame is an easy way to avoid responsibilityan easy way to avoid failure, and something those with weak self images love to do.

Nowhere do people assess more blame than in relationships. If it didn’t work out, it was HIS fault because he’s an ass or it was HER fault because she was a bitch.

Or, what you hear just as often is, “we got married and he or she changed.” Or, “we committed to each other, and he or she turned out not to be the person I thought they were.” In all of these statements, there is an assessment of blame, usually on the other person.

One of the biggest reasons people assess blame when a relationship ends is to conform to the relationship narrative they’ve been bombarded with all their lives. That narrative is that there is ONE special person, your SOULMATE, you will meet, who will complete you in every way, and you will spend the rest of your life with. You will know them when you meet them because you will feel chemistry like you’ve never felt.

Now, when a relationship with a purported soulmate ends, there are two explanations. 1) That person PRETENDED to be your soulmate for nefarious reasons, emotionally defrauded you and scammed you, it’s their fault, and now they must PAY. Divorce lawyers love this explanation. 2) The whole idea of one soulmate is complete nonsense, and the reality is attraction waxes and wanes.

People do NOT like explanation #2 because it clashes with narrative. Furthermore, there is an entire industry I call “The Marriage Divorce Financial Complex” consisting of everything from diamond hockers to wedding planners to divorce attorneys who make a very nice living from people getting married and divorced and married and divorce. They profit from blame, and do everything they can to encourage it.

Now, I’m an avowed capitalist, and I have no issue with people making a market. However, as a consumer, it is up to YOU to do your due diligence, and make an informed buying or non-buying decision. And when it comes to blame and relationships, the best thing you can do is to NOT buy into it.

You see, the reality is, most of the time (not always) no one is to blame when a relationship dissolves, any more than anyone is to blame when the sun sets. It is a natural phenomenon, with the feeling of attraction reaching a peak, then naturally diminishing.

No one is to blame for this, it’s simply how attraction works. If you recognize it, and understand that almost every relationship you have will eventually end, then you can let them end amicably, and perhaps start them again at a future time. There is no such thing as one soulmate, but the good news is this: there are a lot of really cool women out there to spend time with, so that when one relationship ends, no blame needs to be assessed…just go spend time with another great woman, and what you will find as your life progresses is your life is full of great women, and that because assessed no blame, no relationship ever truly ends.

The post Assessing Blame appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1603720955) } [7]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(47) "Boomers: How to Become More Attractive to Women" ["link"]=> string(85) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/10/26/boomers-how-to-become-more-attractive-to-women/" ["comments"]=> string(93) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/10/26/boomers-how-to-become-more-attractive-to-women/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(12) "Guest Author" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 26 Oct 2020 13:56:42 +0000" ["category"]=> string(55) "Dating AdviceAttracting A WomanattractivenessOlder Guys" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6143" ["description"]=> string(584) "

Cool Older Guys Go Natural I’m a boomer guy in my later sixties, and I’ve addressed aging, as have most of my fellow boomers. What I know with certainty, and I mentioned in the New York Times article, is that an older guy who dyes his hair just looks silly. Even someone with Coke bottle […]

The post Boomers: How to Become More Attractive to Women appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(7437) "

Cool Older Guys Go Natural

I’m a boomer guy in my later sixties, and I’ve addressed aging, as have most of my fellow boomers. What I know with certainty, and I mentioned in the New York Times article, is that an older guy who dyes his hair just looks silly. Even someone with Coke bottle glasses will immediately notice your foolish attempt to look youthful.

So what can a boomer guy to be attractive to women?

My suggestions are based on twenty-five years working with men in groups, two decades of dating in between several relationships, and tens of thousands of comments on my articles about sex, dating, and relationships in The Huffington Post.

While men don’t fret about hair as much as women, Donald Trump’s comb-over must require a team of weavers, albeit with questionable results. It’s been suggested his hair is actually an animal of sorts that sits on his head. My point is that what’s so obvious in terms of hiding reality is also the least effective.

The Key To Sexy

What is far more effective, and would even help chubby Donald appear younger and more attractive, is getting into shape. A bald man who’s in shape is automatically appealing. Sean Connery has been the handsomest man in the world several times, and he’s bald, but always in shape, as are Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, and Vin Diesel, all bald actors who understand that what appeals most to women is being in shape, not hair.

Don’t Do A Belly Flop

I don’t know this with scientific certainty, but my personal experiences with women suggest that none consider making love with a big belly resting on them, sexy. A man’s sex appeal needn’t be limited by his body. How does a man know whether or not he’s overweight? Forget the charts. Get naked, stand straight, and look down. If all you see is the floor, you’re not in shape for sex or anything strenuous for that matter. If you can see your toes, you’re approachingin shape, and if you can see your feet, you’re in shape and physically ready to make love with abandon. Trust me, women will notice and appreciate your in shape body for lots of reasons other than sex.

But There’s More Than The Physical

The emotional component of successful aging for men follows right behind the physical, in terms of being considered attractive by women. A boomer guy who’s done some amount of inner, personal growth work is highly prized by women for several reasons. Women automatically presume he has at least minimal relationship skills, which are necessary to resolve issues as they arise.

A simple question from a woman can be telling. “How are you feeling about our relationship?” remains unanswered when a man offers what he’s thinking instead. And if that’s the best a man can do because he never considered her emotions worth exploring, he goes to the bottom of most women’s lists. Sure, looks matter, but they’re not more important than emotional availability.

You Can’t Think Your Way

You can’t think your way through a relationship. You have to navigate it with your feelings. In case you haven’t figured this out yet, what you need to know is that nearly every woman has. And while you may appeal to a woman because you’re charming or handsome, the conversation will eventually come around to your ability to express your feelings effectively. 

Finding Your Way

Since I’ve run men’s groups for decades I appreciate the huge value associated with men sharing their issues with each other in confidence. If individual therapy isn’t an option, then a men’s group is a terrific alternative. And, since far too many men are loners anyway, joining a men’s group can solve two problems at the same time. The learning curve is steep if you’ve never talked with other men in a confidential setting, but once trust is established, a lifetime of angst flows like water, and listening to other men’s experiences in your situation is enormously helpful.

Isn’t this wimpy?

What’s wimpy is a man who has unresolved issues he inflicts on people close to him because he lacks the courage to work through them.

The other benefit is that you’ll no longer be a loner, which isn’t a type of man most women prefer anyway since your lone wolf status automatically makes a woman your entire universe, which few consider positive. Having friends you can trust and confide in isn’t the same as guys you play golf with on Saturday, or go to ball games with. These are guys who accept you unconditionally, without opinion or judgment, and who will literally stand by you whenever you need them.

Getting Older Isn’t For Wimps

older manDealing with the realities of aging for men isn’t the sweetest part of getting older, but it shouldn’t be ignored just because it isn’t fun. It’s never too late to get your physical and emotional self in shape. And it isn’t entirely about being attractive to women either.

It’s feeling good about yourself in every way, and knowing that you aren’t willing to grow old ungracefully just because the clock is ticking.

By John’s Special Guest: Ken Solin
Ken Solin is a Dating Expert for AARP.org. , and writes about sex, dating, and relationships for The Huffington Post. He has worked with men in groups for thirty years, helping them to move beyond the issues that prevent them from enjoying successful relationships.

Ken is a father, grandfather, and an entrepreneur, and lives in the San Francisco Bay Area. He just completed his new book, You Gotta Have Heart-To Find Your True Love Online. He is a dating coach for boomers.

The post Boomers: How to Become More Attractive to Women appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(90) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/10/26/boomers-how-to-become-more-attractive-to-women/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(584) "

Cool Older Guys Go Natural I’m a boomer guy in my later sixties, and I’ve addressed aging, as have most of my fellow boomers. What I know with certainty, and I mentioned in the New York Times article, is that an older guy who dyes his hair just looks silly. Even someone with Coke bottle […]

The post Boomers: How to Become More Attractive to Women appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(7437) "

Cool Older Guys Go Natural

I’m a boomer guy in my later sixties, and I’ve addressed aging, as have most of my fellow boomers. What I know with certainty, and I mentioned in the New York Times article, is that an older guy who dyes his hair just looks silly. Even someone with Coke bottle glasses will immediately notice your foolish attempt to look youthful.

So what can a boomer guy to be attractive to women?

My suggestions are based on twenty-five years working with men in groups, two decades of dating in between several relationships, and tens of thousands of comments on my articles about sex, dating, and relationships in The Huffington Post.

While men don’t fret about hair as much as women, Donald Trump’s comb-over must require a team of weavers, albeit with questionable results. It’s been suggested his hair is actually an animal of sorts that sits on his head. My point is that what’s so obvious in terms of hiding reality is also the least effective.

The Key To Sexy

What is far more effective, and would even help chubby Donald appear younger and more attractive, is getting into shape. A bald man who’s in shape is automatically appealing. Sean Connery has been the handsomest man in the world several times, and he’s bald, but always in shape, as are Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, and Vin Diesel, all bald actors who understand that what appeals most to women is being in shape, not hair.

Don’t Do A Belly Flop

I don’t know this with scientific certainty, but my personal experiences with women suggest that none consider making love with a big belly resting on them, sexy. A man’s sex appeal needn’t be limited by his body. How does a man know whether or not he’s overweight? Forget the charts. Get naked, stand straight, and look down. If all you see is the floor, you’re not in shape for sex or anything strenuous for that matter. If you can see your toes, you’re approachingin shape, and if you can see your feet, you’re in shape and physically ready to make love with abandon. Trust me, women will notice and appreciate your in shape body for lots of reasons other than sex.

But There’s More Than The Physical

The emotional component of successful aging for men follows right behind the physical, in terms of being considered attractive by women. A boomer guy who’s done some amount of inner, personal growth work is highly prized by women for several reasons. Women automatically presume he has at least minimal relationship skills, which are necessary to resolve issues as they arise.

A simple question from a woman can be telling. “How are you feeling about our relationship?” remains unanswered when a man offers what he’s thinking instead. And if that’s the best a man can do because he never considered her emotions worth exploring, he goes to the bottom of most women’s lists. Sure, looks matter, but they’re not more important than emotional availability.

You Can’t Think Your Way

You can’t think your way through a relationship. You have to navigate it with your feelings. In case you haven’t figured this out yet, what you need to know is that nearly every woman has. And while you may appeal to a woman because you’re charming or handsome, the conversation will eventually come around to your ability to express your feelings effectively. 

Finding Your Way

Since I’ve run men’s groups for decades I appreciate the huge value associated with men sharing their issues with each other in confidence. If individual therapy isn’t an option, then a men’s group is a terrific alternative. And, since far too many men are loners anyway, joining a men’s group can solve two problems at the same time. The learning curve is steep if you’ve never talked with other men in a confidential setting, but once trust is established, a lifetime of angst flows like water, and listening to other men’s experiences in your situation is enormously helpful.

Isn’t this wimpy?

What’s wimpy is a man who has unresolved issues he inflicts on people close to him because he lacks the courage to work through them.

The other benefit is that you’ll no longer be a loner, which isn’t a type of man most women prefer anyway since your lone wolf status automatically makes a woman your entire universe, which few consider positive. Having friends you can trust and confide in isn’t the same as guys you play golf with on Saturday, or go to ball games with. These are guys who accept you unconditionally, without opinion or judgment, and who will literally stand by you whenever you need them.

Getting Older Isn’t For Wimps

older manDealing with the realities of aging for men isn’t the sweetest part of getting older, but it shouldn’t be ignored just because it isn’t fun. It’s never too late to get your physical and emotional self in shape. And it isn’t entirely about being attractive to women either.

It’s feeling good about yourself in every way, and knowing that you aren’t willing to grow old ungracefully just because the clock is ticking.

By John’s Special Guest: Ken Solin
Ken Solin is a Dating Expert for AARP.org. , and writes about sex, dating, and relationships for The Huffington Post. He has worked with men in groups for thirty years, helping them to move beyond the issues that prevent them from enjoying successful relationships.

Ken is a father, grandfather, and an entrepreneur, and lives in the San Francisco Bay Area. He just completed his new book, You Gotta Have Heart-To Find Your True Love Online. He is a dating coach for boomers.

The post Boomers: How to Become More Attractive to Women appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1603720602) } [8]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(23) "Beware of Best Friends?" ["link"]=> string(61) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/10/26/beware-of-best-friends/" ["comments"]=> string(69) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/10/26/beware-of-best-friends/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 26 Oct 2020 13:49:41 +0000" ["category"]=> string(58) "Relationship AdviceattractionBEST FRIENDSfriendsfriendship" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6139" ["description"]=> string(550) "

It’s a story as old as the hills: boy meets girl, falls in love, catches girl sleeping with his best friend. Same thing applies with women: girl meets boy, falls in love, catches boy sleeping with her best friend. What gives? Surely if you’re friends with someone, the last thing you should do is make […]

The post Beware of Best Friends? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4437) "
It’s a story as old as the hills: boy meets girl, falls in love, catches girl sleeping with his best friend. Same thing applies with women: girl meets boy, falls in love, catches boy sleeping with her best friend.

What gives?

Surely if you’re friends with someone, the last thing you should do is make a move on their girlfriend or wife, and if the girlfriend or wife was truly in love with them, they’d say no 100% of the time.

Yet, people sure do seem to catch their significant other sleeping with their best friends a LOT. Heck, if you check out the cotton candy for the mind site, http://www.fmylife.com/ you will see a significant percentage of the stories are about best friends and significant others.

To an extent this tracks with the recent study that people who date other people within tight, closed social circles tend to break up at a much higher rate. People get bored, and when they get bored, they look for something new (and forbidden) and often that is a dalliance with a best friend.

People underestimate and gloss over the biological imperative to mate, but it is one of the most powerful human urges and the reason there are 7 billion people on this planet. There is an old saying about stiff pricks and consciences, and this is a saying that is more true than most people would like to admit.

Obviously, you don’t want your girlfriend or wife sleeping with your best friend, and neither do you want to be sleeping with your friends girlfriends or wives. It’s just not cool and, more importantly, aggrieved friends tend to have guns or knives or clubs and use them in such situations.

It is, however, easier to say no when you know you have a lot of options, options you’d consider more appropriate for you than ruining a relationship with a friend forever. The man who can get a yes whenever he desires (and knows it) finds it easier to say no should the situation come up. Secondly, he knows not to put himself in a situation where he has an opportunity that might be hard to resist. Learning the skill of attraction tends to keep you out of trouble.

But what about your wife or girlfriend and your friends? First off, don’t be naïve enough to think one of your male friends might take a liking to your wife or girlfriend, and don’t ever be naïve enough to think she won’t take a liking to him. Biological impulse often overrules reason.

best friendsYou can, however, manage the “risk” by having lots of different friends you spend time with, and not constantly seeing the same people every damn day or weekend. That’s when these things start, when he appears more exciting than you (because she sees you all the time and him some of the time), and that’s reinforced when you associate on a semi-regular basis. But when you have lots of different friends and lots of variety, the risk decreases.

Obviously not all women will sleep with your best friend (would you sleep with hers, hmmmm?), but don’t be naïve or arrogant enough to think one you’re with won’t do it. The biological urge to reproduce overrides a lot of good character traits when you give it a chance to flourish…be mindful of it and it’s power at all times. Hell, it’s the reason YOU are here.

The post Beware of Best Friends? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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It’s a story as old as the hills: boy meets girl, falls in love, catches girl sleeping with his best friend. Same thing applies with women: girl meets boy, falls in love, catches boy sleeping with her best friend. What gives? Surely if you’re friends with someone, the last thing you should do is make […]

The post Beware of Best Friends? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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It’s a story as old as the hills: boy meets girl, falls in love, catches girl sleeping with his best friend. Same thing applies with women: girl meets boy, falls in love, catches boy sleeping with her best friend.

What gives?

Surely if you’re friends with someone, the last thing you should do is make a move on their girlfriend or wife, and if the girlfriend or wife was truly in love with them, they’d say no 100% of the time.

Yet, people sure do seem to catch their significant other sleeping with their best friends a LOT. Heck, if you check out the cotton candy for the mind site, http://www.fmylife.com/ you will see a significant percentage of the stories are about best friends and significant others.

To an extent this tracks with the recent study that people who date other people within tight, closed social circles tend to break up at a much higher rate. People get bored, and when they get bored, they look for something new (and forbidden) and often that is a dalliance with a best friend.

People underestimate and gloss over the biological imperative to mate, but it is one of the most powerful human urges and the reason there are 7 billion people on this planet. There is an old saying about stiff pricks and consciences, and this is a saying that is more true than most people would like to admit.

Obviously, you don’t want your girlfriend or wife sleeping with your best friend, and neither do you want to be sleeping with your friends girlfriends or wives. It’s just not cool and, more importantly, aggrieved friends tend to have guns or knives or clubs and use them in such situations.

It is, however, easier to say no when you know you have a lot of options, options you’d consider more appropriate for you than ruining a relationship with a friend forever. The man who can get a yes whenever he desires (and knows it) finds it easier to say no should the situation come up. Secondly, he knows not to put himself in a situation where he has an opportunity that might be hard to resist. Learning the skill of attraction tends to keep you out of trouble.

But what about your wife or girlfriend and your friends? First off, don’t be naïve enough to think one of your male friends might take a liking to your wife or girlfriend, and don’t ever be naïve enough to think she won’t take a liking to him. Biological impulse often overrules reason.

best friendsYou can, however, manage the “risk” by having lots of different friends you spend time with, and not constantly seeing the same people every damn day or weekend. That’s when these things start, when he appears more exciting than you (because she sees you all the time and him some of the time), and that’s reinforced when you associate on a semi-regular basis. But when you have lots of different friends and lots of variety, the risk decreases.

Obviously not all women will sleep with your best friend (would you sleep with hers, hmmmm?), but don’t be naïve or arrogant enough to think one you’re with won’t do it. The biological urge to reproduce overrides a lot of good character traits when you give it a chance to flourish…be mindful of it and it’s power at all times. Hell, it’s the reason YOU are here.

The post Beware of Best Friends? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1603720181) } [9]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(31) "Why It Is REALLY All Your Fault" ["link"]=> string(70) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/10/26/why-it-is-really-all-your-fault/" ["comments"]=> string(78) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/10/26/why-it-is-really-all-your-fault/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 26 Oct 2020 13:34:47 +0000" ["category"]=> string(47) "Personal Growthfaultphilosophysuccessful people" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6135" ["description"]=> string(569) "

I have, for a very long time, subscribed to the philosophy of “whatever happens, no matter how bad, it’s all your fault.” This is a little shocking to some people who believe that things happen that are 100% beyond your control, but when you dig into the mindset behind it, you understand why it is a […]

The post Why It Is REALLY All Your Fault appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4460) "

I have, for a very long time, subscribed to the philosophy of “whatever happens, no matter how bad, it’s all your fault.”

This is a little shocking to some people who believe that things happen that are 100% beyond your control, but when you dig into the mindset behind it, you understand why it is a very useful philosophy.

If it’s not always all your fault, that means you don’t have control over your outcomes in life, that it’s all up to random chance. People who choose to live in a floodplain, for example, are always shocked when they get flooded out, believing it was simply out of their control. But it’s not—they chose to live in a known floodplain, and would not have been flooded had they chosen to live elsewhere.

I had two, personal, aggravating experiences this week that let me know I was not taking my “it’s all your fault” philosophy quite as seriously as I should have.

The first one happened on Wednesday. It got cold here in Austin, and when I started my car, it took a little while for the battery to turn over. I figured it’d warm up, and it would be no big deal (having both a degree in electrical engineering AND having worked in the oilfields of Alaska, I feel like a moron in hindsight). I was in a hurry, and had a dental appointment at 2:30.

One thing I absolutely hate to be is late. As I was taught in the Navy, there is no excuse for not being on time, every time, and I pride myself on ALWAYS being on time. So, I got out of the gym at 2:10, with plenty of time to get to the dentist, pushed the ignition button in my car and…got a bunch of clicking. Immediately I knew I was not going to make my dental appointment.

I called them and rescheduled (pissed at myself- my dentist was a Naval officer, and hates people who are late too) for the next day. Then I got a jump, and immediately went to the auto repair shop to get a new battery.

The second thing happened yesterday. I signed up for a webinar on Facebook ads that started at noon sharp. I racked out at 11:30, went to my computer, and discovered the internet had died a miserable death. I did everything I knew how to do to restore it, but no luck. I logged onto the webinar at 12:19, mad as hell that I was late for the second time that week. Yes, the webinar was recorded, and yes I will review it, but I was late again.

Now, the question is, were these events beyond my control?

The answer is no, they were not.

Had I invested on a $100 power storage unit, I could have jumped my car myself, made it to the dentist on time, then gone to get my battery replaced. Had I racked out at 10:30 am instead of 11:30, I could have made it to a Starbucks or my apartment complex and used the Wi Fi there. In other words, I was improperly prepared both time, and both times I was late, it was my own damn fault, not something out of my control.

All successful people I know have this philosophy because it forces you to think in terms of prevention and solutions and looking at every little detail so you can have a lot more control in your life— and success comes from control. So, I will get a power storage unit, get up earlier for a scheduled webinar, and closely examine all the other things I do. The lessons of the week will serve me well…but I am still pissed I was late twice, and both time were absolutely, positively, my own…damn…fault.

The post Why It Is REALLY All Your Fault appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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I have, for a very long time, subscribed to the philosophy of “whatever happens, no matter how bad, it’s all your fault.” This is a little shocking to some people who believe that things happen that are 100% beyond your control, but when you dig into the mindset behind it, you understand why it is a […]

The post Why It Is REALLY All Your Fault appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4460) "

I have, for a very long time, subscribed to the philosophy of “whatever happens, no matter how bad, it’s all your fault.”

This is a little shocking to some people who believe that things happen that are 100% beyond your control, but when you dig into the mindset behind it, you understand why it is a very useful philosophy.

If it’s not always all your fault, that means you don’t have control over your outcomes in life, that it’s all up to random chance. People who choose to live in a floodplain, for example, are always shocked when they get flooded out, believing it was simply out of their control. But it’s not—they chose to live in a known floodplain, and would not have been flooded had they chosen to live elsewhere.

I had two, personal, aggravating experiences this week that let me know I was not taking my “it’s all your fault” philosophy quite as seriously as I should have.

The first one happened on Wednesday. It got cold here in Austin, and when I started my car, it took a little while for the battery to turn over. I figured it’d warm up, and it would be no big deal (having both a degree in electrical engineering AND having worked in the oilfields of Alaska, I feel like a moron in hindsight). I was in a hurry, and had a dental appointment at 2:30.

One thing I absolutely hate to be is late. As I was taught in the Navy, there is no excuse for not being on time, every time, and I pride myself on ALWAYS being on time. So, I got out of the gym at 2:10, with plenty of time to get to the dentist, pushed the ignition button in my car and…got a bunch of clicking. Immediately I knew I was not going to make my dental appointment.

I called them and rescheduled (pissed at myself- my dentist was a Naval officer, and hates people who are late too) for the next day. Then I got a jump, and immediately went to the auto repair shop to get a new battery.

The second thing happened yesterday. I signed up for a webinar on Facebook ads that started at noon sharp. I racked out at 11:30, went to my computer, and discovered the internet had died a miserable death. I did everything I knew how to do to restore it, but no luck. I logged onto the webinar at 12:19, mad as hell that I was late for the second time that week. Yes, the webinar was recorded, and yes I will review it, but I was late again.

Now, the question is, were these events beyond my control?

The answer is no, they were not.

Had I invested on a $100 power storage unit, I could have jumped my car myself, made it to the dentist on time, then gone to get my battery replaced. Had I racked out at 10:30 am instead of 11:30, I could have made it to a Starbucks or my apartment complex and used the Wi Fi there. In other words, I was improperly prepared both time, and both times I was late, it was my own damn fault, not something out of my control.

All successful people I know have this philosophy because it forces you to think in terms of prevention and solutions and looking at every little detail so you can have a lot more control in your life— and success comes from control. So, I will get a power storage unit, get up earlier for a scheduled webinar, and closely examine all the other things I do. The lessons of the week will serve me well…but I am still pissed I was late twice, and both time were absolutely, positively, my own…damn…fault.

The post Why It Is REALLY All Your Fault appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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