Example Output

• Love Addicts Often Need Support
• To Connect And Exchange Information
• Early Experiences Of Connection
• We Can Understand Our Deepest Needs
• The End To An Old Pattern
• Personal Challenge And Freedom
• When Did You Choose The Direction You Are Going In Now?
• The Opportunity To Grow And Evolve
• A Lonely Life Of Struggle
• Look For The Gifts
• Assumptions Are Often Unhealthy
• Afraid Of Doing Things Wrong
• Uncovering Your Systemic Sentences
• We Should Be Creating Our Destiny
• Reoccurring Problem Of Art
• What's Not To Like?
• Tiny Hands Have Filth And Disease On Them
• Do What Needs To Be Done
• A List Of New Words
• Focus On Feeding Yourself Healthy Nutrients
• Multivitamin And B Vitamins
• Using Nutrients And Herbs To Restore Health
• Laughter Is One Of The Best Medicines
• Sound Sleep Is Within Your Reach
• Eating Clean Means Minding The Details

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      string(29) "2022-06-25T04:00:00.001-07:00"
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      ["title"]=>
      string(31) "Love Addicts Often Need Support"
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      string(89754) "An anxious person’s response to the intensity and desperation of their narcissistic partner may be to step beyond codependency and fall into love addiction. Even though we know we need to walk away, we will not always be able to do that. An addiction is something we repetitively do  to protect  us  from  feeling  old  pain  and  fear.  The  neurochemicals  that  get  released  in  the  early  phase  of relationships  feel  extra  potent  because  as  children  we  did  not  receive  enough  of  them,  so  our  reaction  when  we  feel  them  release  is  heightened.  In  the  grip  of love  addiction,  our  focus  narrows  until  nothing  else  matters.  All  we  can  think  about  is  finding  and  keeping  a  partner  who  will  satisfy  our  craving  for  love.  This  urgent  need  is  what  keeps  us  coming  back  for  more,  even  when  we  logically  know  the  relationship  is  not good  for us. When  we get to this point, we’re in danger of losing ourselves entirely  in the search for  love’s momentary soothing. We are a perfect  match  for the narcissist’s  need  for a constantly adoring  person who will  endlessly  provide worshipful attention, no matter how damaging  to  us. What  is going on  within our  system when  we  find ourselves  captured by love  addiction?  First  of  all,  not  only  is  it  normal  to  crave  a  relationship  with  a  loving  partner,  it’s  equally  normal  to  devote  a  lot  of  time  to  him  or  her  in the beginning. You’re  in love and your partner is all you can think about. It becomes  hard  to focus  on  work,  and  this  person  is  all  you  talk  about  to  your  friends.  


Get It Right  The First Time
You  obsess  over  his  or  her  social  media  feeds  and  want  to  spend  all  of  your  time  with  her  or  him,  hanging  on  their  every  word.  You  even  begin  to  start  looking  into summer  versus  fall  weddings.  In  the  very  early  stages  of  a  new  love,  we  are literally  high  on  a  cocktail  of  neurochemicals  and  hormones  designed  to  help  us  form  an  attachment with this person.  Simply  put,  we can’t  get  enough.  Next up, norepinephrine  floods  our  system  with  energy,  with  an effect  like  being  on  amphetamines.  We can’t eat,  we can’t  sleep,  and  we mistake our racing  heart for  a  sign  of  true  love.  This  person  becomes  all  we  can  think  about,  and  we  start  coming  up  with  ways  we  should  change  to  fit  in  with  what  we  perceive  as  her  or  his  needs.  It  makes  sense  that  it’s  easy  to  become  addicted  to  this  feeling.  Who  wouldn’t  want  to  feel  like  the  luckiest  person  in  the  world  every  day?  A  natural  transition  is  trying  to  happen  as  a  couple  moves  from  constant  seeking  to  feeling  a  trusting,  ongoing  bond  with  each  other.  As  a  relationship  moves  into  the  realm  of  lasting  attachment,  oxytocin,  the  cuddle  hormone  that’s  also  released  during  orgasm,  childbirth,  and  breastfeeding,  helps  us  form  the  trust  necessary  for monogamous  bonds.  For  those  of us whose injuries leave us most  vulnerable  to love  addiction,  that  initial  high feels  so  good  and  so  absolutely  necessary  that  it  can  easily  be  mistaken  for  the  answer  to  our  prayers,  even  though  we  are  handing  over  our  power  in  exchange  for  all  these  potent  and  exciting  feelings.  The  chemicals  combine  to  give  us  the sensation of  having  met  somebody  who  is  madly  in  love  with  us  and  seems to know instinctively  how  to  fulfill  our  emotional  needs.  
Give Up the Ghost
This  sounds  exactly  like  what  happens  between  parents  and  a  new  baby  who  are  forming  a  secure  bond.  Meanwhile,  the  restless  energy  of  the  norepinephrine puts us on high alert for  the  first signs that they may be pulling  away.  Coupled  with  a  drop  in  serotonin,  we have more difficulty  settling  and  begin  to  obsess  about  his  or her  every  move  until  we  can’t  think  about  anything  else.  The  responses  of  a  narcissistic  partner  only  intensify  this  process  with  their  ongoing  behaviors  to  keep  us feeding  their  wounds.  Before  we  know  it, a biological  process  designed  to  help  us  form  a lasting attachment is actually stirring up our deepest fears of abandonment, seeded  in  our  early  relationships.  Deep  down  inside,  our  wounded  Little  Me  is being called up, while  back  in  the  relationship, we begin to modify  our  behavior  to  try  to  keep  getting  even the  most  momentary  infusion  of  this  love  cocktail.  Both  the  narcissist  and  the  love  addict  are in  the grip  of  childhood  wounds  so  severe  that  they  are  not  in control of  their  responses  to  each  other.  It  is  a  blessing  when  the  relationship  breaks  apart,  as  there  is  virtually  no  hope  for  healing  such wounds  within  the  relationship.  Love  addicts  often  need  support  in leaving,  but  then  the  door is  open  to  taking  steps  toward  healing.  The  main difference  between  people  with  an avoidant attachment  style and pathological  narcissists  is that the former often have the ability to look at their  behaviors  and  take  responsibility  for  their  part.  Their  wounds  aren’t  so deep that  it makes  it  impossible  to  do  that. Many avoidant people  can  also  feel  empathy  and vulnerability. 
Stuck Inside  A Cloud
This was  the  situation with Lauren  and  Peter,  who  couldn’t  find their way through  their difficulties  to lasting partnership. However, it is also true that many avoidant people will be able to get the  help  they  need  to  heal  these old wounds. I have  seen  people  invested  in this work  come  out  the  other side  with a greater  depth  of  caring,  understanding, and  empathy  than  many couples  who  started from a healthier  place.  This  is  very  good  news  indeed.  Perhaps  we  can  picture  our body as a home, one that has the potential to be a sanctuary  for  us.  A place to be quiet, to feel at ease, to get deeply in touch  with  our  wounds  and  our  needs.  But  for  anybody  who  has experienced  trauma,  including  emotional  neglect,  being  fully  in our  body  often  feels unsafe.  As  we  have  learned,  our  earliest  experiences  create  different  sensations  and  feelings  in  our  bodies,  which  send  messages  to  our  brains.     "
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      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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      string(29) "2022-06-24T16:00:00.001-07:00"
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      string(29) "2022-06-24T16:00:19.131-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(35) "To Connect And Exchange Information"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(91631) "Entering  into  a  partnership  with  the  energy  of  our  core  wounds  taking  the  lead  means  that  rather  than  choosing  a  mate  who  will  help  us  to  open  up  and  grow,  we  are  simply  using  the  relationship  as  another  quick  fix.  Simply  put,  their  beliefs  about themselves  and the world  make them an energetic match for us. For example, if Hunter subconsciously  believes I must work  hard to earn love,  then she will  be  projecting the energy of  this belief into her world, thus attracting  situations  and relationships  that prove  this to be true.  Our own  emotional energy is  not flowing  freely or being  replenished  again.  As a result  of  this  stagnant  energy,  we  also  begin  to  lack  creativity  and  spontaneity,  and  can  feel  deflated,  uneasy,  and  feel  unfulfilled.  We  struggle  to  access  our  higher  self  or  to  find  any kind of spiritual connection or meaning in the whole world. We become disconnected from our intuition  and  our innate  sense  of  knowing  when  something  is  right  or  wrong  for  us,  making  it  impossible  to  make  decisions  that  are  in  our  best  interest.  Even  when  we  think  we  are  doing  something  beneficial  for  ourselves,  we  may  actually  be  causing  more  harm.  Essentially,  we  are  living  in survival  mode,  and  as  a  result  life  feels  empty  of  authentic,  lasting  joy  and  fulfillment.  At  first,  we  may  feel  distracted  or  temporarily  soothed  by  the  new  energy  that  this  new person brings into  our  life.  Maybe,  as  the  relationship  inevitably  sours,  we get  some  relief  from  being  able  to blame  our pain on  them.  But the longer  we avoid facing  the  root cause of this  trapped energy  and  actively  working  to  release  it,  the  longer  we  will  remain  stuck  in  it.  


All Or Nothing At  All
Now  let’s  compare  this  with  the  experience  of  creating  an  intimate  bond  from  an  emotionally  healthy  place.  When  we  become  conscious  of  our  core  wounds,  we  can  recognize  what  areas  of  our  lives  require  attention  and  then  heal  these  wounds  with  the  support  of  caring  others.  For  example,  Rachel  begins  to  feel  isolated  from  her  peers.  Her  job  leaves  her  too  tired  to  get  out  much,  so  while  she  has  a  partner,  there  is  no  real  sense  of  community  in  her  life.  She  is  aware  that  she  often  felt  this  way  in  her  childhood  and  notices  that  these  feelings are as  old  as  she is. She shares these feelings with  her  best  friend,  who is  really  good at  listening  without  fixing.  This  keeps  her  from  reacting  by  running  to  her  partner  to  fix  her,  or  blaming  her  partner  for  her  feelings  of  loneliness.  As  her  Little  Me  feels  met  and  cared  for,  Rachel  begins  to  attend  to  her  need  for community. Recognizing  her  own  unmet  need  for  community,  she  takes  positive  steps  to  create  this for herself. But  without  this  awareness  and  movement  toward  healing,  her  own  energy  flow  becomes  blocked  or  inaccessible  to  her,  and  Rachel’s  automatic  reaction  may  be  to  immerse  herself  more  deeply  in  her romantic relationship. She chooses to spend  even  more time with her partner, doting on  him  in  the  hope  that  he  will  give her what she  needs  in  return.  She  may  grow  frustrated  and resentful  when he wants to  spend  time  with  friends  or  go  to  the  gym  on  his  own.  
All Together Now
As  a  result,  she  becomes  depressed  and  their  relationship  becomes  strained.  The  second  version  of  Rachel’s  story shows a classic example  of  somebody  slipping  into  codependency,  the term used to describe relationships in which one or both partners  are  focusing  on  the  other’s  needs  in  order  to  protect  themselves  from feeling their own pain  and  fear.  Yes,  we are interdependent beings and  we  all  need  connection  with  others,  but  when this  connection  is based  on  fear  or  when  our  partner  becomes  our  sole  source  of  emotional  and  energetic  nourishment  and  support,  codependency  sets  in.  As  a  result,  we  unconsciously  attract  others  who  need  us,  mistaking  this for  them  loving  us. Responding  from  fear  blocks  the  flow  of  energy  and overwhelms  our  intuition.  To  help you  picture  the  way  energy  works,  let’s  imagine  a  solid  line of  energy  connecting  your head  to  your  heart.  Interestingly,  this  is  also  the neural  pathway  that  activates  when we are in the ventral state and open to safe connection. This line of energy begins above our head, connecting  us to the universal  energy  flow,  runs  through  our brain, and  to our  heart.  When  we  are  centered and in alignment,  energy  flows  easily  between  these three centers, allowing  them  to connect and  exchange  information  with  one  another. When this system is running smoothly, we are able to replenish our own energetic resources by connecting to the inner resources we have  developed  in  our  healing.  Now  let’s say that one of  these  energy  centers  has become blocked  as  a  result  of an  unexamined  core wound.  Or  we  knowingly  lie to  our  partner  to avoid  his  or her criticism,  creating  a tight  knot  of  paranoia  in  our  belly  and  brain.  
Out Of Touch
Perhaps  we ignore the calling  of our soul for fear of being alone,  deaf  to our intuition  and making life choices that are not for our highest good. In each of  these  examples,  a  core  wound  is  being  activated,  our  energy  flow  has  become  blocked,  and we may  begin  to rely  solely  on  our partner  to  regulate  our  energy  system.  When  we  continually  only  look  to  an  external  force  to  stabilize  and  give  us  energy,  we  lose our center and  the relationship will become lopsided. This means that if we enter a relationship  placing all our safety in our  romantic  partner  without  developing  the  ability  to  regulate  and  charge  our  own  energy  system,  our  relationship  will  run  out  of  steam.  If  our  only  sense  of  safety  comes  from  the  relationship  and  suddenly  the  relationship  struggles,  we’re  likely  to  immobilize  our  energy  system  and  frantically  do  whatever  it  takes  to  gain  access  to  the  other  person’s.  Now  we  start  giving  all  this energy  away  because  we’re  scared  and this leads us to feeling  completely  depleted.     "
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      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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      string(29) "2022-06-24T04:00:00.001-07:00"
      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-24T04:00:17.455-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(31) "Early Experiences Of Connection"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(91528) "It  may  become  a  journey  that  is  powerful  far  beyond  finding  a  partner  to  create  a  home  with  or  getting  your  daily  needs  met.  Instead,  the  health  of  your  union  comes  down  to  how  you  handle  conflicts when  they do arise.  Many people discover  there is a spiritual  dimension  to this work. Eventually,  you may find yourself  aligning energetically  with a universal source of  love  and support so much  greater than you even believed possible, a  connection  you will begin to see reflected in the  quality of  all your relationships.  When you  set out  to  cultivate  healthy  romantic relationships, make  no  mistake,  you  are  setting  out  on  a  path  that  can  lead  to  spiritual  transformation.  Entered  from  a  place  of  inner  stability,  our  relationships  can  be  a  pathway  to  understanding  ourselves  as spiritual beings, connected to all that is. As people become closer to each other,  they  gradually  feel safe  enough  to  reveal  more  of  their  inner  worlds,  including  parts  of  themselves  they’re  afraid  their  partners  may  not  like.  Perhaps  one  person  begins  to  show  that  he  or  she  gets  frustrated  about  certain  things.  At  this  time  of  increased  vulnerability,  the  ways  each  of  them  learned to  love  and  be  loved  as  children  begin  to  stir  within  them.  And  the  emotional  pacts  they  made  the  last  time  they  felt  this  vulnerable,  in  early  childhood,  become  an  important part of the  relationship.  If  you think  about  it, every interaction  we perform  throughout  our  day  involves  some  kind of exchange.  Whether  it’s  paying  for groceries in  the store, showing  up  for work in exchange  for a  salary,  or  trading  gossip  with  our  friends,  every  investment  of  our  time,  energy,  or  cold,  hard  cash  is  made  with  the  expectation  that  we  will  receive  something  in  return.  


Just In Time
This  doesn’t  make  us  calculated,  manipulative,  or  greedy.  It’s  just  the  way  the  world  works.  The  same  way  the  trees  breathe  in  carbon  dioxide  and  pump  fresh  oxygen  back  out  into  the  atmosphere,  giving  and  receiving  is  a  part  of  life.  Seen  this  way,  it  makes  sense  that  this  dynamic  also  forms  the  basis  of  our  romantic  relationships.  While  a  mutual  exchange  of  understanding,  support,  and  unconditional  love  is  what  we  all  want  when  we  enter  into  a  contract  with  a  potential  life  partner, our capacity  to  experience  this is profoundly impacted by our childhood  experiences  and  the  attachment  style  we  have developed  as  a  result.  Since  connection  is  a  biological  imperative,  we  devote  all  of  our  energy  to  staying  as  attached  to  our  parents  as  we  can.  This  is  the  origin  of  the  emotional  pact  we  bring  into  our  intimate  relationships.  Let’s  look  more closely at  how  these  get  established.  We  are  so  open  and  vulnerable  in  our earliest days, and so  dependent  on  the  support  of  our  caregivers.  By  the  time  we’re  one  year  old,  we  have  already  developed  patterns  of  interaction  with  our  parents  based  on  how  they  are  able to be with us. If our  parents  can sense our needs, if they can  be  warmly  curious  about  who  we  are  as little beings, welcoming  every  part  of  us,  if  they  are  able to  respond  to us when  we  reach  out,  we are  on  the  way  to  being  securely  attached.  This  ingrains  the  expectation  that  we  will  be  met,  valued,  and  supported  in  relationship  with  others.  
Any Which Way But Lose
Clearly, we are lovable. Rather  than  being  based  on  a thought or belief, this knowing is generated by the feelings in our  bodies  in  relationships.  It  might  include  warmth  in  the  chest,  a  relaxed  belly,  a general sense  of  openness,  and  easy laughter. It will also  include  tears  that  are  met  with  concern,  validation,  and  help.  But some  parents  are  too  wounded  to  provide  that kind  of  care.  If  one or  both of  our  parents  are  anxious,  they  may  be  able  to  be with us  sometimes,  but  they  will  get pulled  away  by  their  own  inner  upset  unexpectedly  and  frequently.  This  unpredictability  leaves  us  not  knowing  when  they will  next  disconnect  from  us,  making  us  frightened  and  hypervigilant.  When we  are  young,  we soon  learn  which  of our  behaviors  lead  to  our parents’  disappearances  and  begin  to suppress those parts. With no thought involved at all, we can begin to stop ourselves from healthy expressions  of joy or sadness  or anger  in  the  effort  to  keep our parents  with us.  We  bring  this  legacy  into our adult relationships,  tucked  away  in  our  subconscious, until it becomes  activated  with the prospect  of intimacy.  Now,  everything  we never learned about how to connect rises to the surface. Kids whose parents are wrapped up in their careers, and who value good  behavior  and  success  above  all  else, also learn early on  that  relationships  aren’t  important compared to  being  able  to  do well  in the world.  
Put A Smile Upon Your Face
Left  on  our  own, we  will  often  play quietly,  without  joy, and when our parents  return,  we  show  little  interest  in  connecting  with  them.  While  these parents are often interested  in helping us develop skills, they are at a loss when we are sad or scared. It’s as though half of us, the intellectual  part,  is  supported,  while  the  other  half,  the  emotional,  relational  part,  is neglected.  We  have  gotten so used  to  constant  pressure  and  the  threat of  shame  that  it  seems  normal  to  us,  but  researchers  tell  us  that  this  kind  of  emotional  abandonment  leads  to  almost  constant  sympathetic  arousal.  When we  come into relationships  as adults, we find ourselves lost and bewildered in the face of intimacy. We may be  quite  competent  in  the  world,  yet  struggle  to  understand  why  this  isn’t  enough  to  make  our  partner  happy.  When  our  partner’s  neediness  increases,  we  get  freaked  out  and  turn  to  work  as  the  only  source  of  connection  we  know.  Each  of  us  is  unique,  and  each  of  our  early  experiences  of  connection  will  be  different.  But  as  you  read  this,  you  may recognize  invisible  tendencies  that  developed  very young as you sought to  connect  with your caregivers.  Many  ways  in  which  we  could.    "
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      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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      string(29) "2022-06-23T16:00:21.656-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(35) "We Can Understand Our Deepest Needs"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(90990) "Depending  on  the  influences  of  our  parental  and  cultural  upbringing,  we  can  struggle  to  form  these  secure  and  healthy  attachments.  In  this  way,  our  close  relationships  become a mirror in which to meet our whole selves. Secure in this whole self,  we  can  understand our  deepest  needs  and  seek  to  have  them  met  as  we  confidently  stake  out  our  place  in  the  world.  When  this  is  the  case,  conflicts  are  seen  as  a  way  to  build  the  empathy  and  understanding  that  can  bring  us  even  closer  together.  Perhaps  as  children  we experienced  a  sense  of  disinterest  in  us,  so  we  learned  how  to  cope  on  our own.  Or  maybe  we  were  only  intermittently  attended  to,  so  we  anxiously  cling  to  any  scraps of attention and  affection  that  come our  way,  not trusting that  there  will  always  be  enough.  When the  foundation  for  our connections  has  been  built on shaky  ground, we must  heal  these  core wounds so  we can  create  the  secure  relationships  we  desire.  Attachment  theory,  also  known  as  the  science  of  how  we  connect  in  early  childhood,  was  pioneered  by  the  psychologist  in  the  1950s.  This  can  affect  the  way  we  relate  with  others  throughout  childhood  and  into  adulthood.  At  an  emotional  rock  bottom,  I  knew  the  time  had  come  for  me  to  make  a  change.  I  realized  I  needed  to  forge  an  inner  sense  of  security  that  had  been  lacking  all  my  life  as  I  discovered  that  my  own  anxious  attachment  style  was  at  the  heart  of  my  unhappiness.  As  I  described  in  the  introduction,  those  who  experienced  being  anxiously  attached  are  frightened  of  being  abandoned  because  their  parents were so  inconsistent  in  providing  connection.  


It's All Over Now
To protect themselves from this  happening  again,  they  tend to  focus  all their  energy  on  finding  a  relationship.  Their  need  to  maintain  the  connection  often  emotionally  suffocates  their  partners  because  they  can’t  stop  themselves  from  obsessing  over  their  partners’  level  of  commitment.  When  this  new  person  begins  to  pull  back,  feelings  of  not  deserving  love often come  to  the  surface.  Their  lives  can  become  an  endless  search  for  a relationship  that will prove  they  are  lovable,  but  the  need  to  cling  for  reassurance  out  of  fear  and  insecurity  creates  demands  that  often  lead  to  the  very  abandonment  they  fear.  Meanwhile,  people  with  avoidant attachment have a strong need to  hit  the eject button at the first sign  of  intimacy.  As  children,  their  parents  consistently  offered warmth and care,  communicating  how  lovable  they  were.  This  primes  them to  expect  and want interdependency  in  their  adult  relationships.  They  are  able  to  offer  their  love  and  support  to  a  partner  without  losing  their  sense  of  self,  so  they  can  easily  transition  from  a feeling of being closely  connected  to  more  on  their own without becoming afraid that the relationship  is ending. Many of us  have  experienced  more  than  one  attachment  style  as  children.  Maybe  our  mother  was anxious and inconsistent  and  our  father  was often silent behind his  newspaper.  Since  we  have  both  those  patterns  inside  us,  either  of them  can  come  up  depending  on  who  we’re  in  a  relationship  with  now. If  we’re  feeling  a  friend  or  partner  is  clinging  to  us,  the  avoidance  we experienced  with  our  father  may  activate  us  to  pull  away.  
One Of These Days
If  we’re  with  someone  who  has  a  tendency  to pull  away,  we  may  find the  anxiety  we  experienced  with  our  mother  rushing  to  the surface.  As  we  move  through  this  work  together,  you will  get  greater  clarity  about  your  own  tendencies,  patterns,  and needs in different  situations.  This will gradually  help you have a better understanding of what you need in a romantic  partner.  People  who  have  had  a  secure  upbringing  often wonder why  they still  have  insecure  feelings  at  times. It is important  to  realize  that  all  of us can still  have  anxiety when our  partners  have  a strong  tendency to pull away from intimacy. Those feelings are an adaptive early warning system telling you to be more aware of what is happening  between  the  two  of  you.  Neither of these attachment styles  is  better  than  the other. The  way  we  are  in relationships  is part of  what  makes  us  who we  are.  Whether  anxious, avoidant,  or  secure, our way of connecting  with  others  has  developed  over  the  course  of  our  lifetime  as we adapt  the  best way we can to conditions in our family.  Rather  than  something  that  needs to be changed overnight, the real strength lies in learning to understand  and  work  with  the  unique  needs  of  our  attachment  type  while  we  are  healing,  so that we  can  focus  on  relationships  that  allow us  to  thrive  exactly  as  we  are.  For  your  part,  you  perceive  relationships  differently,  believing  that  in  order  to  love  and  be  loved, you must give  everything  you’ve got, and then some. That it is virtuous to be selfless in your relationships.  
Why Oh Why?
These proportions have  changed  some  over  the  following  decades,  with  secure  attachments  becoming  fewer  while  insecure  ones  are  on  the  rise,  probably  because  of  the  increasing  stress  of  daily  life.  Our  earliest  attachment  experiences  strongly  influence  how  we  come  into  adult  relationships,  particularly  the  most  intimate  ones.  The  closer  the  relationship,  the  more  it  stimulates  our  earlier  expectations  about  our  attachment.  Their  research  also  suggested  that  particular  kinds  of  attachment  styles  may be attracted to each  other.  As I mentioned  in  the introduction,  anxious  and  avoidant people are often drawn  to  each other. Meanwhile,  the  anxious  person  is  hypervigilant  in  their  quest  for stability,  something  that  the  avoidant  person  is  unlikely  to  be  able to provide.  When  we  first  met,  everything  was wonderful  between us. He was very  thoughtful  and would plan lots of  fun dates  for us. Best of  all, his attention  was consistent. He even  seemed  to  express his emotions openly  and  freely,  telling me he loved me without  hesitation.  But  the closer and more intimate  we  became,  the  more  our individual fears  about  relationships  kicked in. This manifested differently for both  of  us,  according to  our attachment  styles.     "
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      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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      ["id"]=>
      string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618755959915304134.post-1370549361238010739"
      ["published"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-23T04:00:00.001-07:00"
      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-23T04:00:20.243-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(25) "The End To An Old Pattern"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(90581) "Depression  shows up as a lack of energy, a block in the flow of energy, or an inability  to receive  the  flow  of  energy  from  one  generation  to  the  next.  She  clenched  her  teeth  and  shook  her  head.  I  asked  her  what  she  liked  about  her  parents  and  the  ways  she  had  been  raised.  As  she  spoke  about  their  family  dynamics,  she  stiffened  and  relaxed  in response  to  what  she  had  and  hadn’t  liked.  So,  what  did  they  do  as  grandparents  that  was  okay  and  fun?  I  asked.  They  really  knew  how  to  celebrate  the  holidays,  she said, smiling reminiscently.  Can  you  bow to  that?  I asked. She did with  somewhat  of  a  grin.  What  else can you bow to  and  thank them for?  Before she could  answer,  a look of astonishment  crossed her  face.  My  backache’s  gone!  she  cried.  As  we  explored  further,  it  wasn’t  lost  on  her  that  it  was  something  sweet  that  had  triggered  her  falling  out  with  her  parents.  She  commented  that  she  had  always  thought  her  grandmother  was  too  harsh.  


No Place To Go
Within  a  few  minutes,  she  had  recognized  that  her  own  reaction  to  the  candy  incident  and  her  resulting  rigidity  were  repeats  of  her  grandmother’s  inflexibility  and  lack  of  sweetness.  Once  Jill  could  see  the  pattern,  she  could  set  it  down  and  realize  that  sometimes  a  little  sweetness  in  life  is  allowed.  Her  backache  never  returned,  and  her  parents  and  children  see  each  other  often.  Something  went  wrong,  and  it’s  all  over.  A decision  has  been  made  personally  or  somewhere in the system that  seems  undoable  and  inescapable.  Systemic  work  is helpful  here,  especially  using  constellations  as  a  way  to  finally  be  able  to  see  and  experience  what  has  happened,  hear  the  language  that  is  keeping  you  stuck,  and  begin  to  see,  speak,  and  feel  your  way  out  of  what  feels  like  a  mess and into  the  flow  of  life  again.  Depression  can  also  be  seen  as  the end to an old  pattern,  signaling  the  deep  need  for  a  new  one.  If  depression  lives  in  you,  you  may  be  both  the  concluder  and  the  beginner.  This  is  something  you  might  explore  with a systemic worker, therapist, or someone  who  is skilled at walking you through this.  The  principle  involved  might  be  any  one  of the three depending  on  the  event,  but  the  process  and  outcome are  to give the old  pattern  its  place  after  resolving  what  wants  to  stop,  and  then  to  give  the  new  pattern  its  place  in  your  heart  as you move  forward.  Some  forms  of  diabetes  stem from an inability  to  generate,  process,  or  take in the sweetness of life. This condition often runs in families, and  systemically  we  ask,  Where  did  this  begin?  How  did  it  affect  the original member of the  system?  How  is  it affecting subsequent members? What  wants  to  stop,  and  what  wants  to  start  in  order  to change  this?  This  condition  is,  like  most  others,  highly  unique  to  the  precipitating  event  and the  choices  and  decisions  made.  
My Soul's Got Wings
The  resolution  is  tailored  accordingly.  People  who have  been  told  they  have  hypochondria  often  haven’t  been  given  the  answers  they  need in  order  to  know  that they  and  their  bodies  are okay.  Something  has  been  said,  not  said,  or  not  addressed  in the  area  of  the body’s  health,  and  unconsciously  it  preys  upon  the  person’s  mind,  placing  them  in  what seems to be an inescapable  limbo and an ongoing quest for the information or words that will allow  the  body  to know that it  is  well.  Hypochondria  can  also express when  an illness  or  condition  was  excluded  or unaddressed in a  prior  generation.  Once  it  is seen and acknowledged,  the  client can finally  put  down  the  systemic  ghost they have been carrying in their minds and bodies and move on. It holds onto what you can’t or won’t process until you  do.  Infertility  is  one  of  the most interesting spaces to  explore  systemically.  In  brief, we often  see  that  a  woman or  her line or  a  man  or  his line  do  not  feel safe  to  create and pass on life. This  can  happen  as  a  result  of  rape,  where  the  act of producing  life  is unconsciously  associated  with invasion, shock, damage, and the threat of death.  I have seen it where there was a rapist in the man’s  line  and  subsequent  members  were  infertile.  It  also  appears  when  having  children  was not  a  happy  event, or being  a  child  in  an  unhappy  family shut  down  the  desire  for  a  family  that  might  repeat  the  pattern.  Guilt,  anger,  and  withholding  are  also  patterning  that  I  have  seen around infertility.  
Just To Keep Satisfied
In  each case, we traced back to the event that started it all, then created new language, feelings, and actions  that  made  creating  life  possible,  devoid  of  shame,  danger,  or  burden.  Even  in  cases  where  discovering  the  initial  event  is  not  possible,  creating  new  language,  feelings,  and  actions  around  conception  or  raising  a  family  often  changes  the  situation.  In  systemic  work,  when  clients  are  obese  and  cannot  lose  weight,  it’s  helpful  to ask  when  they  began  to  notice  that  they  were  putting  on  weight  and  what  was  happening  in their lives at that  time.  Sometimes  we notice  that  a traumatic  event  creates  a need to protect one’s  body  from being invaded,  and  the  client  may  do  this  unconsciously  by  taking  on  weight  as  a  protective  mechanism  tool.  It’s  important  to  notice that often  the  threat  has  come  and  gone, but the client is still holding  onto  the weight as though the  event were  happening right now. In  some ways, it  still is, since they  haven’t  been  able to shift their  words,  thoughts,  and feelings beyond what happened. Completion  needs  to  occur. We notice that clients unconsciously  expand  their  mass  to include members  of  the family system who are missing or excluded.  They  sense  an important  lack or absence in  their  system and  try to  fill  it  by  including  the  weight  of  the  one  who  is  not  there.  The  body  can  be  quite literal.     "
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      ["author_name"]=>
      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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    array(11) {
      ["id"]=>
      string(69) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618755959915304134.post-929340511934066148"
      ["published"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-22T16:00:00.001-07:00"
      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-22T16:00:21.190-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(30) "Personal Challenge And Freedom"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(90503) "There  is  a sense  that  being  a  victim  is  no  longer  an  option.  You  begin  to  take  full responsibility  for  your  life  and  success.  At  level  four  you  realize  that  success  is  not  about struggle and survival  but  rather  about accomplishment,  personal  challenge,  and freedom.  You begin  to  see  success  as the  key to a more fulfilled  life.  It becomes intriguing  and even exciting  to  challenge  some of the  limiting beliefs,  mindsets,  and  feelings  you  hold  about  success.  Instead  of  judging  others  and  comparing  yourself  to  those  who  appear  to  have  more,  you  are  curious  and  wonder  what  it  might  be  like  to  have  that.  You  begin  to  wonder  how  it  might  be  if  you  were  to  do  something  different.  You  start  questioning  your  definition  of  success,  wondering  if  more  is  possible,  and  you  begin  to  listen  to  your  inner  voice  for  direction  and  inspiration.  Here  you  are  curious  and  less  defensive.  You  don’t  mind  being  wrong  or  not  knowing.  Those  possibilities  are  no  longer  a  threat  to  you.  You  simply  want  to  learn.  


The Man In The  Mirror
Your  heart  begins  to  open,  and  that  makes  way  for the creative  part  of  your brain  to activate.  You acknowledge  the  patterns  that  are  part of  you  and begin  exploring  them  for  clues  to  the  next  levels  you  sense  are  waiting  to  emerge.  You  begin  to  see  the  world  around  you  as  filled  with  opportunity  and  possibility  rather  than  oozing  obstacles.  At  this  level  you  also  realize  that  who  and  what you are  in  life  is  nobody’s  fault,  that  blaming,  shaming,  and  naming  others  only locks you into all  the  old  patterns  that  have  you  stuck.  You  begin  to  realize  that  you  are  the  captain  of  your  own  ship  and  start  consciously  identifying  and  breaking  old  patterns,  mindfully  creating new ones. Everything is shifting from  fear  based to heart centered, and you realize  that  you  have  always  been  living  in  a spiritual  world. You  acknowledge  your  systems  and  their  gifts.  You  even understand  the gifts in your  limitations.  The  heart,  head,  and  gut  align,  purpose  emerges,  and  your  highest  vision  for  your  life  is  now  a  possibility.  You  create  community.  At  level  five  you  consciously  agree to become the biggest  version  of  yourself,  which  brings about cohesion, humility, and responsibility for creating a wonderful life. Your desires  increase,  asking  more  of  you.  
Keep On Breaking The Rules
Growing  yourself  becomes  a  priority.  You  understand  that success is actually  mystical,  divine,  and  part of who you are.  Your  language  shifts  to  the  language  of  possibility,  and  you  use it  to  shape  a  better,  kinder  world.  When you  arrive  at  level  six, you  are an  expression  of  the  abundance  of  the  universe  in  action,  and making a  difference  is  part  of  who you  are.  You  have a  unique  voice,  and you  use  it  to  move both  yourself  and  others  to higher  levels  of  expression  and  choice.  You  integrate  and  honor  the wisdom  that  all  systems  bring.  You  know  how to  give  each  its  place  as  you  make  a  difference  in the world. At level seven you are success in action and in service. Success is now an inherent  part  of who you are.  You  see  cycles  and  patterns as continual  invitations to  evolve.  You  are  a  mentor of ever greater  possibilities  for  others  and  yourself. Many phenomenally successful  people  didn’t necessarily mean  to achieve  great  fame  and fortune. 
Good  Times
They started  out wanting to achieve safety and freedom. Those were the first drivers, and then, as they evolved along the way,  they  became  more  and  more  turned on to life’s possibilities  and  their  own  potential. That urge,  in  turn,  gradually  expanded to  include reaching out  and  helping  others.  When I  started  my  career, my  life  was about  the family surviving.  When  my  father  was  killed  shortly  after  we  moved  to  the United States,  it was pretty much all on me, and life wasn’t  fun.  I was in a strange  country,  terrified,  with no support but the love of my family.  I  knew  I  wanted  to  be  safe  and  free,  and  that  drove  me.  But  living from a  desire  for  safety  and  freedom  wasn’t  enough.  It  didn’t  feel  much  like  success.  Ultimately,  I  wanted  to  love  what  I  did  with  all  my  heart.  That’s  when  I  started to understand  what  success  fully looked like for me. When I realized the possibilities for large communities of people to create their  best  lives,  which  meant  more  people  for  me  to  interact  with  joyfully,  the  lights  went  on.  That  was  the  magic  I  had  been  looking  for.  That  was  my  purpose.  And  with  the  arrival  of  my  purpose,  all  the  woes  and  excuses  and  fears  vanished.  Success  is  a  habit.  They  got  there  but don’t  know  how,  and  they  are  scared  they  will  lose it  or never  get  there  again,  proving that what got them  there  was sheer luck,  not  skill.  Which  means  even  their success doesn’t feel successful.  As  you contemplate the  success  you  want  in  your  life,  know  that  where  you  are  now  is  not  an  indicator  of  your  future  success. You may simply  not  have  flipped  the  switch yet. Now let’s  address  the fears  and  limiting sentences you carry that  stall the  successes you desire. Write  down the scary,  sad, or overwhelming  sentences  you  have  around success and failure.  What  horror  stories do you tell yourself and  then  believe?  Write them all down. What have you  made  these  sentences and stories  mean  about you and your success? Where in your  life  did  you first  become aware of failure?  Was  it a  specific event?  Did  you  witness  someone  else  in your  family  fail?  What  did  it  look  like?  Who  did  it  happen  to,  and  what  did  you  tell  yourself  about that? How is your failure similar to that original failure,  and  again,  what  have  you  made  it  mean? How is failure perceived in your family, culture, religion, country? How are they holding you back now?  Where  do  you  feel  that  in  your  body?  Where is  the  pain  in  your  throat,  chest,  gut,  arms,  legs,  teeth,  eyes?     "
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      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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    array(11) {
      ["id"]=>
      string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618755959915304134.post-3789462847908915012"
      ["published"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-22T04:00:00.001-07:00"
      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-22T04:00:24.320-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(55) "When Did You Choose The Direction You Are Going In Now?"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(90377) "Make  sure  the  relationships  you  invest  in  are  balanced.  They  are  keys  to  a brighter  future.  Don’t  just  give  more  or  try  harder  when  the  other  can’t  or  doesn’t  reciprocate. If you are  not  both  working  on  the  relationship,  look at your balance  of  give  and  receive  and  question  the  pattern  you are  creating.  Enjoy your relationships,  build on them,  and  invest  in them. Many  times, we  unconsciously  migrate  limiting  patterns  from  our  personal  relationships  to  our  professional  life  and  then  wonder  why  we  struggle  with  our  career.  Understanding  your  personal  relationships  and  their  effects  enables  you  to  transfer  that  same  insight  to  building  strong  business  relationships.  But  the  universe  is  elegant  and  generous.  There  are  other  systems  available  to  help  us  develop  relationship  skill  sets,  and  the  workplace  is  rich  with  opportunities  to  grow.  In  business  you  have  to  be  good  at  the  job,  and  you  are  expected  to  succeed  in  order  to  rise  up.  The  mandate  is  to  evolve.  We  are  allowed  and  even  encouraged  to  excel  and  be  the  bigger  versions  of  ourselves,  and  that  permission  enables us to  bypass  limiting  family  system  thoughts, feelings,  and actions.  


Higher Ground
It  allows  us to  test different  ways  to relate.  Sometimes  what  you  learn  in  your  career  helps  you  resolve  an  issue  in  your  personal  life  and  vice  versa,  leapfrogging  you  forward  in  terms  of  success,  growth,  and  fulfillment.  I  had  a  client  whose  father  had  told  him  as  a  child  that only extroverts  attain  top  positions.  Because  Mateo  understood  himself  to  be  an  introvert,  he determined  early on that  he  was  unlikely  to  succeed  in  the  business  world  and  should  settle  for  a  supporting  role.  Basically,  he  was  doomed.  Mateo  shared  that  people  trusted  him  and  often  wished  he would speak out more. When he  realized  his belief that introverts come second, which  derived  from  his  dad,  was  limiting  his  relationships  with his business  peers  and  seniors,  he  knew  he  had  to give  culture  and business  each  their  own  space.  After  thinking  it  through,  it  dawned  on  him  that  he  could  use  his  introspective  nature  to  observe,  evaluate,  and then speak  out  clearly  and  inspirationally  when needed. He reframed his  thoughts  to  accept  that  introverts  can be thoughtful and insightful leaders. He also realized that his culturally  inspired  politeness  enabled  him  to  question  and  challenge  people  in  ways  that invited interaction  rather  than  defensiveness.  A  limiting  pattern is only limiting for  as  long  as  you  let  its  shadow  side prevail.  There  is always  an  upside  waiting  for  you  to  discover  and  use.  
That's The Way It Goes
For  Mateo  it came  down to  reframing  his  inherited  limiting  language  and  flipping  the  taboos  into strengths  that  served  him  and  others.  You give  service  and  you receive  compensation.  As  a more  junior  person,  you  are likely  to  operate  within  the space  of  transactional  relationships.  At  the  lower  levels  of  business,  you get  to  know  who is  important,  who  can assist  you,  and  what  you need  to  do  to  connect  and move. It is often more about who you know than what you know. You give your skills  and  enthusiasm,  and  those  around  you  give  you  attention  and  mentoring. You give  first by  serving  the  needs  of  others, and in return  you  receive  wisdom,  mentoring,  and lasting relationships. Visionary  leaders  are known for  their  ability  to connect.  They consciously develop that skill set. When you access and express higher emotions in business, magic happens. You make work a pleasure and thus  become  the  person  that  others  seek out, work with, and  invest  in.  This  is a life  hack  of  sorts  that gives  you an edge.  
Deep In The Hole
When  I  work  with corporate  leaders,  I  ask them  every  time we meet, Did you go  the  extra  mile  and  make  magic  this  week?  It’s  one of those  life  freebies  that gets you further up the ladder  of  success.  Good  vibes  cost  you nothing,  everybody  benefits,  and the additional payoff is that being enthusiastic  and  joyful  feels  good!  In  business,  when  we  say  your  network  is your  net  worth,  we’re  not kidding.  But  transactional  relationships  can  only  take you  so  far.  It’s  the  transformational  relationships  that  take  you  all  the  way  and  create  fulfillment.  To  have  those  and  to  be  the go to person  people  love to have on their team, you want to work on your history and multigenerational  patterns and move  beyond  the  perceived  limitations  of  your  current  system  and  into  joy.  In  business  you  want  to  make  sure  you  are  setting  yourself  up  to  elevate  beyond  transactional  business  relationships.  You  want  to  continuously  open  the  doors  to  more  transformational  dynamics.  For  this  steppingstone  I  want  you  to  take  stock  of  your  business  relationships  and  be aware  of  whether  they  are  transactional  or transformational.  Be aware  that  people  do business with people, not just  their  capabilities.  Think about  your  job,  career,  or  calling.  When did you choose the  direction  you are going  in  now?  Can  you  remember  the  defining  moment  or event?  Did  you  unconsciously  choose  a  career  that  would  include  or exclude certain  groups  of  people?  For  example,  people who enter the health fields often  see  themselves as someone who helps  others. If  you chose your line  of work as  a way to stay  small  or  invisible in alignment  with  a  limiting  systemic program or to simply survive,  chances  are  that your choice has set up patterns  that  keep  you in transactional  situations.  Not much is possible for me, and in  this  job,  I won’t  ever be asked to  be too much?  Or did  you  think  something  like,  I  have  something  to  offer.  I  can  make  my  mark  and  be  seen  here. Notice  the  difference?  Did  you  take  a  position because nothing else was available? While there’s nothing wrong with  doing  either,  these  kinds  of  choices  can  set up an empty relationship with yourself that affects your business relationships because the best of who you  are  isn’t  showing  up.  Look  at  what  you learned about  business  relationships  growing  up.  Notice  how  you’ve  typecast  yourself  into  certain  roles,  limitations,  and  possibilities.     "
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      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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      ["id"]=>
      string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618755959915304134.post-8190217885711511323"
      ["published"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-21T16:00:00.000-07:00"
      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-21T16:01:45.098-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(34) "The Opportunity To Grow And Evolve"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(90015) "Each  meta  pattern  adds  a  layer  of  hypnotic  sleep,  which  we  often  experience  as  a  sense  of  inevitability,  fate,  or  just  the  way  things  are  here  on  planet  Earth.  This,  of  course,  is  what  we  call  a  systemic  trance.  However,  like  family  systems,  meta  patterns  also  offer  us  the  opportunity  to  grow  and  evolve.  We  cannot  learn  from  that  which  we  do  not  see.  What  worked  for  one  generation  likely  won’t  work  for  the  next  precisely  because  we  are  evolving.  Unfortunately,  we  tend  to  demonize  what  came  before  us,  judging  our  predecessors  for  their  beliefs,  lifestyles,  and  actions.  We  look  at  the  youngsters  who  come  after  us  and  call  them  reckless  and  irresponsible  precisely because we  are  not  seeing  the  world through their generational  lens,  facing  their  generational  issues.  We  sneer  at the  future,  unable  to  see  beyond  the  limits  of  our  old  rules.  Instead  of  celebrating  the  steps  forward  and  the  steps  behind  us,  each  generation  excludes  the  other  instead  of  learning  from  each  other.  We  can  sometimes  fail  to  put  into  evolutionary  context what looks  to  us  now  like  errors  and  limitations.  Those  were  the  solutions  the system came up with  for  its  time  and  place.  When  we  only  negatively  label  our  forefathers  and  mothers,  we  exclude  their  lived  wisdom  from  the  system  and  set  the  stage  for  old  patterns  to repeat. 


No Ordinary Pain
Growth comes with a commitment  to  look at and learn from past and  future  generations  with  appreciation  and  informed  perspective,  not with hate, blame,  and  judgment.  When  old  and  new  systems  collaborate,  we  benefit  broadly.  If we  can  garner  wisdom  from  the  past  and  be  open  to  and  curious  about  the  future,  we  take  our  foot  off  the  brake  and  grow  and  elevate.  Realizing  that  the conscious  creation  of positive  meta  systems  and  patterns  of cooperation is what shifts us all toward greater possibilities, the great sleep  of  humanity  fades.  Our  gender  roles  are  evolving  rapidly,  yet  if  we don’t  see that we’re  evolving  and  acknowledge  our growth, we will be  troubled  by  this  evolution.  We’ll  remain  fixated  on the  individual  misconduct  and  inflammatory  issues  raging  in  the  daily  headlines  and  lose  the  big  picture,  blaming  this person  and  that  group  instead  of  finding  ways  to  come  together  to support  mutual  growth.  Bottom  line,  we judge  the  other  instead  of  valuing  and  embracing  each  other  and  asking  what we  can  learn.  Overall,  people  yearn  for  the  freedom  to  express  who  they  really  are instead of  being  stuck  in rigid  gender  roles.  Many women  develop  careers  out  in the  world  and  find  satisfaction  and fulfillment  with that as their primary focus. There are men who want careers and other men who prefer  a domestic  lifestyle.  Family  structures  are  being  reshaped.  Of  course, some changes  have only  recently  become  possible.  
Bent, But Not Broken
I  see multigenerational anger toward  men,  and  judgment,  resentment,  and a growing distance  from  them. I see  men  who  feel  unappreciated  and threatened, distancing themselves  from women they deem too demanding or unkind. Old, patriarchal system views shine through in systemic sentences like, We take  care  of  our  women  and  Women belong in the home.  I  hear  women  saying, I have  to  do  it  all. Sometimes  men feel trapped  too.  He  just  can’t seem  to  do  it right,  they  complain. I don’t  need a man  or  Men  are  never  there  when  you  need  them.  It’s time to see the good, acknowledge  it, and give what’s  no longer  relevant  a place  of wisdom rather than try to exclude  it. Systemically, exclusions create patterns that expand  and  repeat.  The  old  gender  system  was  useful  for  its  time.  That  time  is  no longer. Now  we  need  to  examine  the  current gender  system  and  its  inhabitants  mindfully  and  appreciatively  and  build  from  a  place  of  higher,  inclusive  understanding.  
We Never Change
Nationalism  is  defined  as  an  identification  with one’s  own  nation  or group and support for its interests. Any time one group of people perceives  themselves  as better and  more  entitled  than  other  groups,  the  others  become  victimized  and  angry.  When  this  happens  under  the  auspices  of  national  identity,  it  has  additional  power,  creating  a  vast  blind  spot  where  we  no  longer  really  see  ourselves  or  the  other  we  have  created.  We  lose  our  humanity  and  create  imbalance  in  all  three principles  in  the  system,  creating  exclusionary  belonging,  a  sense  of bigness  or smalless,  and  a  desire  to take or receive without  appropriate  balance. Other countries  are  seen  as  harmful,  threatening,  or inferior. When a nation  starts  following the individual  rather  than  its  government,  the  whole  country’s  system  is out  of  order  and  division  ensues.  Rules  become  tighter  for  some in order  to  control  opposition.  Foreigners  are  seen as a threat and often harassed  and  told they don’t belong anymore.  This often  leads to the rise  of dictatorships  and  eventual genocides until the  system  is  corrected and the citizenry,  once  again,  sees the greater  truth that all  belong  and  that connection is important for growth.  Negative  nationalism  makes  enemies of any  who  dare to oppose the leader’s  goals and ideologies.  War  is  a huge  meta pattern with a  number  of survival  patterns that  arise  from  it.  Systemically,  I  see its  stark  effects  on  clients  and  their  families.  Thou  shalt  not  kill. In  war,  participants  are  stretched,  tested,  and  reshaped by a system far bigger than them as individuals. The  problem  is,  when  soldiers  return  to  civilian  life, they are not the same people they once were. They have been immersed in a system diametrically  opposed  to  normal  civilian  life  and  are  now split between  the  two.  But  none  of  that  is  acknowledged.  They  are  not  offboarded  from  the  war  meta  pattern  and  onboarded  back  into  civilian  systems  in  a  conscious,  systemic  way.  With  no  exit  strategy  from  one  system  to  the other, they frequently find themselves feeling lost, abandoned, incomplete, and confused. They are still  over  there.  Until  they  can be brought  back home  intact  and a new  purpose  can be established,  they are literally  stuck  between  two  worlds.  These  higher  emotions  give  us  wings.     "
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      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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      ["id"]=>
      string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618755959915304134.post-1763270563174047005"
      ["published"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-21T04:00:00.001-07:00"
      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-21T04:00:19.085-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(25) "A Lonely Life Of Struggle"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(86906) "Once  you  have  those  new  thoughts  and  feelings,  ask yourself, What  is  one  new  action  I  can  take  that  makes  this  even  more of a reality? And  take  that  step.  Once  you  get  to  your  goal,  feel  it.  If  it  doesn’t  light  you  up,  it  may  be  too  small  or  incomplete.  Rest  for  a  while,  then  retest it. See if anything needs adjustment.  Don’t  worry if something doesn’t feel right at  first.  Just  adjust,  like  Goldilocks,  until  everything  feels just right. The  new  step  may  in  turn  lead  to  another new  thought  and then another  new  feeling.  Now you are  not  only  resolving  issues,  you  are  also  building  dreams.  The  bigger  truth  is  that  you  give  voice  to  your  system,  though  most  of  the time you don’t  notice  it.  Passed  along  from  the mouths of our ancestors, words slip happily out of newer mouths, wondering  if  the  brain  will  alter  them  enough  to  transform  our  perceived  limitations  into wisdom and illumination.  Your  language  is  key to cracking the wonder  of  you.  


The Answer's At  The End
The  words  we  speak  and  think  not  only  shape  our  daily  interactions,  they  also  shape  our  lives.  Words  mold  our  reality  on an  individual  and  also  global  level,  creating  war  and  peace,  castes  and  creeds,  hope and  despair,  joy  and  sorrow.  Your disease  is  gone.  You have  the  right  to vote.  Everyday  heroes  and  people  who  excel  intentionally  use  words  to  create  the  thoughts,  feelings,  and  actions  that  support  what they want  to  be  and do.  There  are  no mistakes,  only  opportunities,  says  actress  Tina  Fey.  I  am  the greatest,  said world champion boxer Muhammad Ali. You can have anything you want, if you want it badly  enough,  said  Abraham  Lincoln.  Examine  the  way  unhappy,  unsuccessful  people  talk, and you  hear words  and  sentences  of  doom  over and over again.  I  knew  I  couldn’t  do it. There’s just  no  winning. I’m always  the  slow  one.  
Of A Lifetime
I’m  too stupid to understand.  Instead of lighting a fire of inspiration that sets them free, they constantly feed the flames that make them burn  with  shame,  anger,  and  guilt,  condemning themselves to living lives  that  are  deeply  unsatisfying. Any systemic  sentence  that  drags  you down  and keeps you  stuck  is  a  sentence of  doom  because  it dooms  you  to more of the same. Patience  is  a  virtue  until  it  isn’t.  No  pain,  no  gain is the perfect  setup for a life of continued suffering.  Asking  for  help  is a sign of weakness  destines  us to a lonely life of struggle and effort.  The  good  news  is  that  words  and  sentences  of  doom  can  also  serve  as  our  liberators  because  they  contain  the  seeds  for  identifying  and stopping  limiting  patterns  in  their  tracks  once  we  see  and  acknowledge  them.  Seeing  it  and  acknowledging  its  existence  are  unbelievably  powerful.  Just  as admitting  I’m  an  addict  isn’t a declaration  of failure, admitting to a systemic sentence of doom is a declaration of what is.  It  identifies  the  truth  of  what’s  going  on  and  calls  it  by  name,  allowing  investigation  into  how  it  has  been  created  and  how  it  can  be  disentangled  and  transcended.  Once  you  accurately  voice  and  acknowledge  the  sentences  of  doom  that  have  plagued  you  for  so  long,  the  things  you’ve  been  telling  yourself  on  a  loop  can  no  longer  continue  to  stealthily  create  the  truth  that  defines  you.  The pattern has been seen and  acknowledged.  
Playing With Fire
It has been  ghostbusted.  Kevin  is  a  perfect  example. Every day he told  himself  he must work  hard.  His  sentence  of  doom?  A  real  man  works  until  he  drops  to  give  his  family  a  good  life.  It was a line  he  learned  from  both  his father and grandfather,  who both worked  until  they were in their eighties.  They seldom  took a day’s  vacation,  and both dropped  dead from heart attacks.  His  grandfather  had lost everything  in  the  Great  Depression but rebuilt  a decent life  for the  family through sheer slog. His father  fared  a  little  better but was  always  terrified  they would lose it all. Kevin’s  family,  on  the  other hand,  had a great life.  He had positioned  their life  so  he  could  retire  if  he wanted,  but  his  sentence  of  doom  was  condemning  him  to  repeat  his father  and  grandfather’s  fate.  Kevin’s  anxiety  was  high, and his doctor warned him that the stress and overwork  were  going  to  kill  him.  I’m  afraid  we may lose everything! I have to be prepared! Kevin said as his fists clenched and sweat broke  out  on  his  forehead.  The  acknowledgment  was  clear.  So, what’s  the  actual  truth  of  your  situation?  I  asked  him.  My  financial  advisors  tell  me  we  have  enough  for  me  to  retire  and  live  the  good  life  until  I’m  about  one  hundred  and  ten,  he  admitted.  Just  saying that out loud, Kevin started laughing. Then he broke down in tears as he realized  he  had  been  speaking his father’s  and grandfather’s  words,  and that they  didn’t  belong in his  mouth. A real  man  works  until  he  drops  was  a  sentence  that  had ignited  his work ethic and  produced  real  wealth,  and  for that, he said,  he  was truly thankful.  But  that was the  past. The words  were  no  longer true. Often  the  words and sentences  we  hold  in our minds, locking  our bodies  into  certain emotions, are  specters  that  rattle around like ghosts going  bump  in  the  night, holding us in fear  as  hostages  to  the  past. Can you  tell  me  how you feel  about  your  current circumstances and  all  the  hard work you’re  doing?  I’m  exhausted,  he  said.  All  the  men  in  my  family  were  exhausted.  He exhaled heavily, closed his eyes, and his shoulders drooped. For a moment I  thought  he  was  going to fall  asleep.  Then  he  opened  his  eyes  and  said,  This  is killing  me  too.  Aha!  Even  more  powerful  acknowledgment  of  what  the  reality  was  outside  his  systemic  trance.  All  on  his  own,  he  came  to  what  is  called  his  sentences  of  resolution.  I  can’t  do  it  anymore.  My  family  has  a  good  life.     "
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      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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      string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618755959915304134.post-7838000542212987065"
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      string(29) "2022-06-20T16:00:00.001-07:00"
      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-20T16:00:20.134-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(18) "Look For The Gifts"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(86806) "I’ve known a  lot  of  wonderful  men  in  my  life,  including  my  husbands,  who  were smart, affectionate,  decent  men.  Is  there  a  way  for  your  stepfather  to  have  a  place  in  your  heart?  Is  there  something  good  that  he  did?  Well,  he  insisted  that  I  be  raised  on  a farm, she said, smiling. He had  it  in his head that the only place  to  raise  a  child  was  in  the  country,  so I have  him  to  thank  for  thirteen  incredible  years  spent living  out in nature,  riding  horses,  and  having  a ball.  Being  raised  on  that  farm  was  my  salvation  and  set  the  tone  for  the  rest  of  my life.  Score  one  for  the  idiot.  Understanding  that she had emulated  her  mother’s  pattern  of  leaving men simply because there was no spice in the relationship, she was  able  to  open  up  to  the  possibility  of  having  an  intimate  relationship  and set about imagining  what  kind  of  man would interest her and  keep  her  engaged.  She  became  acutely  aware  that she  could  have spice  and  nice  without  abuse.  See  how  using  systemic  questions  to  explore  your issue  works?  When  Catherine  came  to  me  with  her  issue,  Why  am  I always dissatisfied  with  the  men  I  pick?  the  obvious  starting  point  for  questions  was  about  men  and  relationships  and  her thoughts  on  those  subjects.  The line  of  questioning  developed  naturally  from  there  in  response  to what showed  up.  If  you’re  working  on  an  issue  by  yourself,  be  as  present  and  thoughtful  as  you  can when developing  your questions,  and then be as candid as you can in your answers. It helps to record  rather  than  write  your  answers  because  we  tend  to  be more spontaneous  and truthful  when  speaking  than  when  we write. Then listen  to  your  replies  and  ask questions about them.  


An Everlasting  Dream
You’ll  know when you’ve  struck  gold.  Another  thing  to do while exploring  your issue is to be sure to look for the gifts in your journey. For Catherine, it was hard to  imagine  there  was  a  gift  to be found in having  been  raised  in  an abusive family  situation  fraught  with  alcoholism and  violence.  And the  gifts  didn’t  stop  there. Her  mother’s  chosen  lot in  life,  trapped at home with an abuser,  had  ignited  in  Catherine  a  determination  to  get  out  in the world,  pursue  a television  career,  travel, and live a happy,  joyful  life  . Finally  understanding  the systemic  roots  of her original  issue, Why am I always dissatisfied  with  the  men  I  pick?  she  developed  a  new  set  of  systemic  sentences  to  live  by. Look, Grandma  and  Grandpa!  I  can  be  happy and  embrace  the  goodness  and  beauty  life  offers!  I  can  take  my  full  place  and  uplift  my  life  and  the  lives  of  others to make this  world  a better place, and I can have a relationship that is kind and spicy. Men are lovely and  welcome!  What  a  turnaround.  But  there  are  times  when  I  am  working  with  a  client  where  we  may  not  get  the  full  sense  of  what  is  going  on  until  we  set  up  a  constellation  and  step  into  the  3D  version  of  the  issue.  The  same  thing  may  happen  for  you.  The  point of  creating  a constellation  is  to  dimensionalize  and  bring  your issue  to life  and  engage  multiple  senses so you can see,  touch,  stand in, hear,  and  sense  what  is  happening.  Placing the representative tokens on  the  floor in a  room  is  helpful.  
What In The World
You want  to  experience  a  felt  sense  of  the  situation  so  your  body,  brain,  and  mind  can process and rewire  your  new  thoughts,  feelings,  and actions. Remember, mind and body are  not  separate. When your body experiences  a constellation,  it gives your mind  a new frame  of reference. A new  view  of  things can instantly  change  your  entire  mindset and thus your reality. The  trouble  with  trying to work issues out in our  heads  the  way we are  accustomed  to doing is that we can’t perceive things  like  direction,  connections, distance,  engagement,  and relationships  between  each  part of  the system.  We  also  can’t  view  the  system  from  multiple  vantage  points.  All  these  dimensional  pieces  give  insights  and  invite  questions  and  mindful  reassessment  of  our  thoughts,  feelings, and actions about the originating event that created our issue.  A  constellation  creates  embodied  experiences  that  take  you where you want to go. And there is no one who can’t do this. I didn’t do  a  constellation  with  Catherine  because  the  foundations  for her issue  were  clear  just  from  systemic  questioning.  But  if  we  had  done  so,  here  are  the  different  kinds  of  constellations  I  might  have  suggested  she  set  up.  Again,  this  is  to  give  you  an  example  of  what  you can do at home to clarify your own issue. 
Deep Deep  Feeling 
Why am I always dissatisfied  with  the  men  I  pick? An intimate  relationship I  am  happy with. To  whom  does this pattern  of dissatisfaction belong,  where  did  it  start,  and  how  do  I  change  it? Set  up a constellation of  all  the  men  in  your life. Be sure  to  include a representative  for  yourself. Look for  patterns  and relationships.  Set  up  a constellation with  you,  your family, and  all  the  men in your life.  Look at  the  relationships not only  between  men  and women but also between  women  and  women  and men and men in  the  multigenerational  pattern  that  has you stuck.  If  there’s  enough information, set  up  a  constellation of your  mother  and  all the men  in  her  life.  Once  you’ve  set  up  the  constellation,  look  for  relationships.  Who  is close to whom, and who is farther away? Links, relationships, and patterns begin  to  emerge  along  with those pesky  little  jailers,  our  unconscious  loyalties.  I  have  women  who  tell me  men  don’t  stick  around  in  relationships  only  to  find  that  a  man  in  their  family  system  left,  or  was  lost.  You  can’t  depend  on  a  man,  they  all  disappear.  Then  generations  of  women  are  loyal  to  that  saying  and,  in  effect,  to  that  first  woman  who  lost  her  man.     "
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      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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      string(29) "2022-06-20T04:00:00.001-07:00"
      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-20T04:00:16.741-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(31) "Assumptions Are Often Unhealthy"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(86452) "Symptoms  of the  pattern  that’s  trying  to rest  or  stop  are  often  linked  to  a  prior  event  in  your  life  or  the  lives  of  your ancestors.  Be  curious  rather  than  anxious  as you go on the  hunt  for  a pattern.  Don’t  push anything away. Lean into it and understand it. You are literally  a  living  creator  of  your  heaven  and  hell  and  a  repository  of centuries  of other people’s  heavens  and  hells.  They’ve found their way into  your  life  in  the  hopes  that  you  will see  them  and realize  that  you  are  the  change  agent.  The pattern  is  probably  filled  with dos  and don’ts,  warnings,  and  hidden  loyalties.  After  all,  that’s  what’s  kept  it active and  alive.  However,  one  simple  question  really  cuts  to  the chase,  revealing  the  pattern’s  relevancy.  Is  this  serving  me now?  This  isn’t  the  golden  bullet,  but  it  is  the  door  opener.  If  it’s  not serving,  then  the  next  logical  systemic  question  is,  What would  serve  me  now?  This question  is  followed  by,  What needs to happen for this to stop or change? I am, quite frankly, stunned and fascinated by humans’  inherent  need  to obey and not  ask  questions  at  the  cost of their  happiness and  evolution.  I  cannot  tell  you the number of  clients  I’ve  worked  with  who tell me that  their  parents or spouses  or bosses  were  a certain way, and it was just best to not ask about what they said or did. 


Isn't That Peculiar
Instead, they jumped to inaccurate conclusions and made  the  other  person’s  words  and  actions mean that there was  something  wrong  with  themselves. Yet with  a  simple  question  or two,  they realize that  they  were  way  off base  and  have  suffered for  years  for no good reason. You know  what  you  did  wrong!  Uh,  no,  I  don’t.  But  based on the look on your face, I may not want to find out! Assumptions  are  often  unhealthy,  but we make them all the time. I worked with Keith, a  client  who  had  severe  digestive  challenges  brought  on  by  stress  induced  by  bottling  things  up. When I  asked  why  he  didn’t  just  discuss what  was  bothering  him,  he  looked  at  me  as  though  I’d  lost  my  mind  and  told  me,  We  don’t  speak  about  difficult  subjects  in our family.  It’s  not polite. As a child he had been rewarded with his parents’  attention when he sucked it up  and  never  asked  for  something  he  wanted.  His  father  had  grown  up  wanting  to  please  his  father,  who  was  stoic  and  insisted  upon  the  same  from  his  children,  admonishing  them  not  to  be  needy.  Any  emotion  or  request  was  viewed  through  the  needy  lens,  and  it  became  a  lovely  way  to  get everyone  to  toe  the  line.  Deep  conversations  weren’t  allowed.  Everyone  assumed  they  knew  what  everyone  else was thinking. 
Surprise,  Surprise
It was a  muddle,  and no one  was  happy.  For  Keith,  his  body was making him pay!  Tired  of being in  pain,  he  was  ready  to  put  down  all  the excuses  and  look  at  what  needed  to  stop  or  change.  So, what’s  the  worst  thing  that  might  happen  if you were to speak out? I  asked.  He realized that his parents  weren’t  about  to disown him and  that they would  likely get over their  disapproval.  He  realized that there was  room  for  both kindness and manners and speaking  up and  having what he desired. He could  see  how  the  old pattern had  served  him and give it a place in his  heart  and  awareness while  also acknowledging  that he  needed  and wanted  to do  things  differently  and  take  his  place  as  a  change  agent  in  his  family  system.  He  also  realized  there were  some  parts  of  the  old  pattern  that served him and were worth keeping. His silence had made  him  really  good  at  active  listening.  He  discovered that there was a lot that he’d wanted in life, and this new way of thinking activated  a  whole  different  set  of  neural  networks  in his brain.  He  began  designing  his  thoughts,  feelings,  and  actions  to  fit  what  he  wanted  to  have  and  how  he  wanted  to  be.  As  Keith  was  no  longer  bottling  up  his  fears,  joys,  ideas,  and  desires,  or  fearing  rejection, his stomach and digestive system problems eased within months. At work his associates reported  feeling  safer  around  his  leadership as a  result of  his  ability to articulate  his  needs and desires  clearly. 
Heaven Can  Wait
At home  his  children  were  first  puzzled  and  then,  as  he  put it,  liberated. They asked so  many  questions  that  his  head spun, and he  had  to put the  brakes  on some of  the many wants.  But  it  was clear a  door  had opened, and  an  old  systemic pattern had been  broken. Systemic  work  and constellations is  like  any  other transformational  approach. You can  use  it  to  blame and shame or to  flow  and  grow.  The  more you learn  to  speak  this language fluently  and  use  it first for  yourself,  the  wiser you become.  You  are  a  being  in  search  of  evolution.  Be  wise  with  the  patterns  you identify and stop so you can be equally wise with the ones you  create.  The  first  step is understanding  that  your  symptoms  are  gold  and  respecting  them  as  part of  a  pattern  that  wants  to  stop  and  also  as  part  of  your  system.  But  learning  to  spot  patterns  can  be  a  little  trickier  than  it  may  seem.  Symptoms  don’t  always  arrive  with  clear  issues  attached.  Identifying  your  real  issue  and  what  keeps  you  stuck  is  a  process.  Sometimes  what  seems  to  be  the  obvious  issue  behind  a  symptom  isn’t  the  issue  at  all.  Maybe  a  vague  uneasiness  hits  you  every  morning  as  you  open  your eyes.  Maybe  there  is  a  depression  as  you  finish your  work  at  night.  Perhaps  there’s  a  relationship  that  just doesn’t  leave  you  feeling  good about  yourself.  However  slight  or  acute  your  symptoms  may be,  most  people  believe  that  their  feelings  and  the  issues  they  point  to  can  never  be  resolved.  It’s  just  the  way  life  is  now.     "
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      string(29) "2022-06-19T16:00:00.001-07:00"
      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-19T16:00:20.974-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(28) "Afraid Of Doing Things Wrong"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(87906) "When  clients  intentionally  rewire  their  patterns  of  thoughts,  feelings,  and  actions,  their  brains  and their reality are  literally  no  longer  the same . When you  finally  recognize  old  family  patterns,  the  door  to the  remarkable  opens  and  you  are  able  to  generate,  experience,  and embody  an  evolutionary  great,  large  leap.  How does  a  representative  pick  up  information  from  the  client  and  the knowing field?  Echoes  of  actions,  words,  thoughts,  and  feelings  form  what Sheldrake  refers  to  as laws  or  habits.  He  says that  families  have  fields  and that  patterns  and  habits  exist  within  them,  something  that  is well documented  in  systemic  work and  constellations.  Fields  are related  to  information.  For  example,  in  psychology,  Field  Theory  recognizes  and examines the patterns created between an individual and the total field of their environment. Our eyes intercept  electromagnetic  radiation  in the visible  light  spectrum  from  objects  and  interpret it. Sheldrake  speculates that  through  morphic  resonance,  the  occurrence of events in  one  place  creates  similar  events in other places,  perhaps  generations apart. The  knowing  field  may  thus  be a repository of events and all the decisions and actions that occurred around those events, made available for exploration  in the present moment.  Prior  to  1905,  the  physical  universe could be explained by  Newtonian  physics.  Atoms  were pictured as  tiny  solid  planets  zipping through  space, and the  tiny  physical  particles  that made  up  atoms,  forming the  foundation  of matter,  were  thought  to be  concrete  objects.  Electron  microscopes  proved  that  atoms  were  made  up of particles  that  had electrical  charge but no mass whatsoever.  


Good Times Bad  Times
Apparently,  every  thing  in the world, including the world itself, is made up of formless energy. Einstein also explained  the  photoelectric  effect,  theorizing  that  instead  of  waves,  light  came  in discrete  packets  of  energy quanta, later  to  be called  photons.  In  1920, physicist  Niels  Bohr  came  up  with  an  explanation  for  this  puzzling  phenomenon  in  the  Copenhagen  interpretation,  proposing  that  the  act  of  observing  the experiment  changes  the  outcome.  Consciousness apparently  affects  the quantum field . Although it is still highly controversial and not conclusively proven, studies  also  show  that  mental  intention  does  interact  with  the  energetic  quantum  field  that  underlies  all  of  reality.  Consistently,  in  all  six  experiments,  seeds  that  were  sent  intention  grew  taller  than  the  controls.  This  is  why  it  is  paramount  that,  in  constellations,  the  facilitator  have  no  expectations  and  intentions  influencing  the  client  and coloring  the  experience  within  the  constellation.  The  existence  of  the quantum  field  and  the  potential  impact  of intention is one of  the  major reasons the  facilitator  must  remain  neutral.  Another  mysterious aspect of quantum mechanics  that  might help explain  constellations  is  entanglement.  Experiments  have  proven  that  when  two electrons  come  in  contact  with  each  other,  their  spin  states  become linked. They  bump  into  one  another  and,  from that moment on, if the spin  state  of one of those electrons  changes, the  spin state of the  other electron  changes  to match it instantaneously,  even  if  the two electrons  are  a  million  light years apart. It’s like one  kiss  and  they’re married forever.  
Time After Time
Entanglement proved everything  in  the  universe  is fundamentally connected  at  an energetic level. If the basic elements of  the  universe  are all  interconnected  in an infinite,  entangled  web, and  if human  consciousness  can  affect  that  web,  the world  we  think  we  know  so  well  is  not  at  all  what it  seems.  The  theory  that  the  universe  is actually a gigantic hologram has been kicking around the scientific  world  since  the  early  1990s.  You’re  our  only hope! way back in 1977 in the movie Star Wars? But, according to the holographic theory, what  you  will  actually  see  is  the  entire  holographic  image of  Princess  Leia.  The  nature  of  a  hologram  is  such  that  the  whole  holographic  image  is  found  in  every  fragment  of  the  image.  Which  means  all  the  systemic  information  in  the  morphogenic  field  of  the  constellation  is  available to everyone in the room. Now we potentially have all the background information needed  to  answer  the  questions  of how a  constellation works,  how  Sandra carries ancestral  information,  how the representative  for Sandra’s grandmother  knew  to  pick  up  those  water  bottles,  drink,  and  then leave  the constellation, and how  the  insight  this  triggered  instantly changed Sandra’s reality  forever.  Neuroscience,  an explanation  for  how Sandra can  experience  an instantaneous  shift  in  perception during the  constellation,  interrupting old patterns  of  thought,  changing her personal reality  forever. It  is  composed of entangled  fields  of  quantum energy and information, including  the  information  of  Sandra’s family system. Over the  years,  I’ve  conducted  thousands  of constellations and  witnessed  thousands  of breakthroughs and  innumerable  breathtaking  aha moments. I’ve  seen  people’s  lives dramatically change  in  the  space  of  a  few  heartbeats.  I’ve  watched  this  transformation  happen  over  and over again. 
Break  The Spell
Now, you’ve just been given some of the best scientific explanations  currently  available  on  how it works.  Whether  or  not  these  explanations  are  accurate  only  time  and more  research  will  tell.  And  the  best  way  to  do  that  is  to  do  a  constellation.  In  Systemic  Steppingstone,  I  invited  you  to  step  into  and  see  your  family  system.  Identify  all  the  relevant  components  of  the  system  you  wish  to  see,  interact  with,  and  explore.  Lay  the  pieces  out  the  way  that  feels  right  to  you  without  overthinking  it.  See,  touch,  and  rearrange  those  pieces,  noticing  the  relationships  between  each  component.  Feel  who  is  engaged or  not.  Sense  the  relationships  between  the  components  people. This  is  you  reading  the field,  sensing  the  invisible  quantum information  that  lies  within  it. This  is  what  great  leaders  are  talking  about  when they  talk  about  following  their  gut  or  their  heart.  They  sense  what’s  going  on  around  them  in  a  way  that  transcends  mere  physical  evidence,  their hearts are opened, and their minds are inspired  to  create at a whole new level. But we  tend  to  get locked  into  patterns  of  thoughts,  feelings,  and beliefs where transformation  doesn’t  seem  that  possible.  This  is  what  life  is  really  like  when  we  are truly awake to  it.  We’re  afraid  of doing things wrong  or  differently.     "
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      string(29) "2022-06-19T04:00:00.001-07:00"
      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-19T04:00:21.354-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(34) "Uncovering Your Systemic Sentences"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(86779) "Few  people  have  trouble  imagining  that  emotional  patterns  can  be  passed  down  in a family. It’s  helpful  to  keep  a  journal of this journey. As  the  pieces  of  your  document  come  together,  the path,  possibilities,  and treasure  emerge.  The  gifts  that  belong  to  only you  are  revealed,  waiting  for you  to turn  what  looks  like  a  broken  mess  into  an  incredible  journey.  Anger  in  a  family  becomes  peace  through  you.  Generations  of  a marginalized  group  find  a champion  in  the  hardworking,  scrappy  kid  who  fights  their  way to  the  top.  Are  there  family  members  who  clearly  demonstrate  an issue  with  any  of these  principles?  Does  your sister  act  out  because  she feels  like  she  doesn’t  belong?  Did your dad have to step into his father’s shoes at an early age and take care of the family?  If so, do you,  too,  find  yourself  overburdened  with responsibilities? Do  you chronically  try  to  take  on  too much in unconscious  loyalty  to  your  dad,  who was forced out  of  order in the  family  system?  Or are you someone who plays too small? Does your mother give a lot of emotional support and nurturing and yet receive little in return from  her  spouse  or  family?  Do  you find yourself emulating that  pattern?  Maybe  you’re  not compensated well  for  all  the  responsibility and  work you do  in  business?  Perhaps  you find  yourself  in  relationships where  the  balance of emotional  give and receive  is  off?  Look  for  patterns  related  to  the  three  principles and their  influences  on you. And if you have no family  or  no family  information,  look  for these patterns  in your immediate  events, relationships, or chosen family. List all  the  family  truisms,  all  those  systemic  sentences  that  you  heard  and adopted  as  your  own. Perhaps you  find  yourself  saying  these  same  things to  your  children.  Once  you  have  your  list,  notice  the  way  you  have  lived  your  life.  Think  about  the  choices  made  and  not made. 


Say What You Say
How much  has your life been shaped by these sentences in your head and what you have made them mean? How  have  they  limited  or  supported  you?  A  hint  here  is  to  look  at  what  is  said  in  the  family  about  things  like  careers,  relationships,  fear,  purpose,  guilt,  success,  failure,  illness,  money,  and  other  significant  aspects  of  your  family.  It  seems  an  extreme  declaration  until  we  realize  that  research  shows  that  patterns  of thoughts,  feelings,  actions,  and  even  events  in  areas  like  health,  relationships,  and  leadership  can  be  passed  down through the generations. I  see  it play out  in  families  who  struggle  with  certain issues like lack of  education,  dysfunctional relationships, addiction,  failure  in  careers,  or  an  inability  to  create  financial  success.  It  is  not  a  curse,  it’s  an  inheritance.  The  language that you speak  creates  your  truth,  direction,  purpose, sense of self, and sense of  others.  It creates your future, whether  successful,  mediocre,  or dismal. The feelings  that arise as  part of a system  give  us  a strong internal compass  to  steer  by. We know we’re in or  out of  alignment with our family or organizational  systems  because  we  can feel it.  We  know we’re in bad conscience with the system  because  we  feel it.  We know when we  belong  or when  we’re being  excluded  because  we  feel  it.  When  we  feel  respected  and  acknowledged  within  a  system,  we’re  more  inclined  to open  up,  share,  pass  on  wisdom,  and  engage with the system because we feel we have something of  value  to  offer.  Our  discretionary  energy  and  passion come out and we engage. 
A Face In The  Crowd
When we feel like we don’t belong or like we’re not smart  enough  or  funny  enough,  we  feel  fragile  and at risk  and  withdraw.  An  entire  system  may  have  a  feeling  or  sensing  pattern  running  through  it,  like  guilt,  that  stems  from  a  single  event  or  series  of  events  in  the  past.  Dan,  a  successful  businessman,  came  to  me complaining about feeling driven to work to exhaustion. My father and grandfather worked three  jobs  to  support  us  and give me  an opportunity  in  life, he said.  I’m  now doing very  well as an  entrepreneur,  but  I  feel  like  I  am  not  working  hard enough.  I feel like I  should  take  on  another  job. But I’m already  exhausted  by the end  of  the day. As  we worked through  his  current  state and history,  he  acknowledged he was  already  earning  exceptionally  well and that  an extra  job  wouldn’t make much  of  a  difference to his bottom line.  Taking  another  job  was simply perpetuating the ingrained  habits  of  his  system  and his father’s  driving  emotions  of fear and  determination  to  support the family.  Stop  and  do life differently!  I  told  him,  If  you  continue  to  work  that  hard,  even  with  success,  you teach your children that play is not an option. You teach them that  hard  work  is  an end in  itself  that  reaps  no  reward.  As  he  learned  to  reframe the  hard  work  of  his  grandfather  and  father,  he  realized  they  had  paved  the  way  for  him  to  create  a  family  where  success  and  money  were  finally  fully  realized  and  relaxation  and  play  were  welcomed  as  new  members.  
It's Okay To Look Back
I  asked  him  what  might  happen  if  he  took  some  of  the  money  he  had  earned,  invested  it  in  a  really  nice  vacation,  and  invited  his  father  and  grandfather  to  come  along.  He  did  so  and  celebrated  them both  at  a  family  dinner,  and  by  paying  off his  father’s  home  and  buying  new  furniture  for  his  grandfather.  The  pattern  of  driven  determination and intense  work  was  no  longer  needed,  and  the pattern  of  play  and  generosity  could  emerge  once  he  could  see  how  important  it  was  to  transform  the  pattern.  But  sometimes  the  repeating  pattern  in a family system is an event, complete with  the  accompanying  emotional disturbances. Some of these events can  be  almost  too bizarre  to  believe.  For  example,  I  had a client who  fearfully  reported  that  he was sure  he was  going  to  lose  a  leg  and become an amputee.  Who  have  you  lost?     "
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      string(78) "https://learnatec.blogspot.com/2022/06/uncovering-your-systemic-sentences.html"
      ["author_name"]=>
      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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      string(29) "2022-06-18T16:00:00.001-07:00"
      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-18T16:00:30.646-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(33) "We Should Be Creating Our Destiny"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(86656) "What  can  we  do  with  that?  Or  they  say,  I’m  held  back  by some invisible  weight,  and  I’m  stuck.  And  I say, Let’s find out  where  that  came  from  and  turn  that  into your  gift!  You are  never  a  victim  of  your  world.  There  is  always  something  you  can do.  A system  you  can  change.  You  feel  its  presence  in  your  body,  sense  it  in  your  gut,  and  experience  it  in  your  life.  It  can  change  your entire  family  system  and  how it  has  been  functioning  for generations.  Your  emotional  blueprint  just  is.  It  isn’t  good  or bad. These  meanings  define  your reality  and  seem  like the  truth.  The  embodied  experience  can  only  be  described  as transformational.  That they matter and have purpose. From that moment on, their lives are never the same again.  


Don't Fence Me In
I’ll  show  you  how  to decode  the  language  that  contains  clues to the  power of  you,  and  how  these  systems are always in  service  of  you.  Events  cause reactions, which then  create  thoughts, feelings, and  actions.  Repeated  often  enough,  these actions become the truth until you choose to do it differently. One new thought, one new feeling, and one new action at a  time!  I  once  worked  with  an executive who came to  see  me  because  he’d been told  he  had  a  lot of  potential  but that  he  wasn’t  showing  up fully  in  his  work. He  was  creating and supporting  other  people’s  talents,  but  not  shining  himself.  By  the  time  he  came  to me, his career  was in jeopardy. When we looked at his family  system,  it turned  out he was the eldest child who had been told to always look after  the  younger  ones  and  put  them  first.  That  family  pattern  had crossed  over  into  his career. As  soon  as he saw  the  pattern that  had  been  invisibly  running  the  show,  he  realized  he  could  look  after  his  own  career  as  a  leader  and  stop  looking  after everyone else. It  was okay to move forward and take care of himself. Then, as a leader, he could help others. Transformation  is  a  revolutionary  part  of  systemic  work  and  constellations.  
Unspoken Words
Executives  and  other  clients  I  work  with  are  shocked  by  the  depths  to  which  they  are  able  to  go  and  the  heights  to  which  they  are  able  to  soar  as  they  explore  their  rich  inner  systemic  world.  I’m  going  to  take  you  through  the  basic  steps  of  systemic  work  and  constellations  in  the most  understandable  way  I  know.  Along the way you will discover  how  feelings and emotions  are  the juice  that  either  destroys or elevates you, and  you’ll  come to understand  how  to  use  higher  emotions  to  shift  into  insight  and  wisdom.  You  will  understand  at  a  profound  level  that  you are indeed  the  genie  in  your  own  bottle, and you will encounter  the sacred  you  by using your heart to  open your  mind and access your  gut’s intelligence.  Once  your heart and head  align,  you  will notice how your  gut  switches  from survival to wisdom. And that  state  of  coherence is where the chemistry  and  the  magic  happen  for individuals, leaders,  and  teams. You will finally get that you are  a  sensing  being, and  that you know how  to use your  senses no  matter  how  shut  down  you  may think  you  are.  You  will  also  understand  how  your  body  is  continually  sending  you  messages,  telling  you  what  is  going on for you and your entire family or organizational system.  We  miss  so  many  clues  because  we  don’t understand what our bodies are telling us! I have had clients who unconsciously stand on one leg  when  they’re  just  waiting  around.  When  I  point  it out  and  ask,  Which  of  your  parents  is  absent  from  your  life?  Whose  support  do  you  not  have?  they  are  uniformly  shocked  to  realize  that  their  bodies  have  been  shouting  at  them  to  awaken  to  their  precarious,  unsupported position their entire lives. The body is the repository of thousands of years of experiences  and  has  incredible  intelligence. We just  have to  learn  to tap into  its  intelligence and know  what it is  saying.  
Come Together
I  had  a  client  who  kept  reporting  a  stabbing  pain  in her stomach. Tests  revealed  nothing.  As  with  all information, once we  become  aware of it,  the  choice is then  ours as to  whether  to  continue to embody  the  same message or  evolve  beyond  it. You will learn  to identify  the  patterns that want  to  stop  and start for you. You  will  learn  about  the wisdom of your heart,  brain,  and  gut  and  how constellations help  to  create  profound and lasting  shifts.  We  have the incredible  ability  to  evolve into whatever  we  choose.  Transformation  is  not  for  the  chosen  few.  It’s  been  here  waiting  for you all along. Once you learn who you are through the lens of  systemic  work  and  constellations,  you will  see  that  there  is  an  incredible  life  just  waiting  for you  to  shape  and  embody  it.  Welcome  to  the  journey!  And  yet  just  the  opposite  is  true.  We  are  deeply  connected.  From  the  time  we’re  conceived  until  long  after  we  die,  we’re  part  of  a  multigenerational  family  system  that  goes  back  to  the  dawn  of  humanity.  We’re  part  of  a  social  system  thousands  of  years  in  the  making.  They  determine  the  direction  our  lives  take,  often  shaping  our  fate  when  we  should  be  creating  our  destiny. These  systems  that  influence  us,  commanding  our  unconscious  loyalty from  first  breath  to  last, are  largely  invisible  yet  intensely powerful.  We  just  pop  a Xanax  and  soldier  on.  We  don’t  realize  that  our career  ambitions  started  when  we  saw  our  parents  struggle.  How  about  what  happened  to  Lucia?  This  was  the  seventh  tumor  she’d  had  in  as  many years, and her doctors had no idea why  her  body kept producing them. She’d had six surgically  removed  so  far, and  each  time  a  tumor  formed,  her body would swell  as  if  she  were with  child.  During  our  work  together,  it  came  to  light  that her grandmother  had  had  seven  marriages.     "
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      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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      ["id"]=>
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      ["published"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-18T04:00:00.001-07:00"
      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-18T04:00:19.799-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(26) "Reoccurring Problem Of Art"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(86946) "Most  kids  spook  pretty  easily  when  a  strange  man  comes  over  and  talks to them. Whatever happened  to  it  takes  a village? Does it only  take  a  village  if  the  village  is  full of  great  kids?  Parents  will  not  be  sympathetic  to  you  grabbing  their  kids.  Unless  those  other  kids  are pummeling  someone.  Again,  I’m  not  talking  about  intervening  in  some  crime  in progress.  I’m  talking  about  telling  some cretin  who’s  blocking  the slide  from  all  the little  kids  to  make  with the  sliding.  Or  telling  some miscreant  that  it’s  not  okay  to  write  fart  over  and over near  your  child’s  chalk  rainbow.  I  don’t  try to  be  extra  menacing  or anything.  But  some  of  these mini serial killers haven’t  ever had someone tell them no or set their foot down. If you refuse  to talk to another  child  because  you  are  worried  that  another parent will  get mad  at  you,  then  you  are telling me that  the  parent  is  the  boss of you, and  by  extension, his child  is the boss of you. Some strange asshole  kid is the boss of you! If another parent is going to yell at you in front of a bunch  of  kids,  he  doesn’t  deserve  your respect. In this case,  I’d  be  especially  careful. It may  be  better  to  live your  life and move  along  to  another  part of  the  playground.  


Fight It Out
These demon  kids  have demon  dads,  and you don’t  need  that  kind  of  trouble.  Like  a  lot  of  education, it’s more about having a good experience than being able to fully  comprehend  a concept.  Don’t  bore your child. The point is to have a good feeling about learning,  not  necessarily  to  learn.  Also,  I  still  don’t  understand  electricity  except  to  fear  it.  Some parts of  a  children’s  museum  seem  a lot like  a  playground.  Be  happy  about  that.  Who  knows,  maybe  going  down  a  slide  shaped  like  an  airplane  will  teach  your  kid  something.  He wants to  be at the playground  anyway. And if you’re  here instead, it’s probably really cold out. It has many wonderful  exhibits.  Or  I  assume  that’s  what  it  is.  
You Haven't Done Nothing
I  think  originally  it  was  a  store  where  kids  could  pretend  to  sell  things,  but  a  mob  of  horrible  children  must  have  passed  through  and  trashed  the  place.  You  might  be  yearning  for  real  art.  If  you’ve  played  your  cards  right,  all  this  time in  a  museum  will  pay  off  with  an  interest  in museums  in general.  Pretty  soon,  your kid will be wowing kids  at  his preschool with  his  theories  on  decontextualization  and  representation in art. Now it’s  time  to ruin a  real  museum.  So  naturally,  I’ve  been  relentless  in  my quest  to  expose  my  child  to  art,  even  when  she  was uninterested.  Exposing  your  child  to  art  is  one of the greatest  gifts  you can  bestow  on them, especially if you  aren’t  incredibly  attractive or athletic.  Then  you’re relying  on  developing their creativity  to  keep  them  from becoming  a deadbeat.  But  are  art museums all upsides? There are  a few  things to bear in mind. And a  lot  of  these phalluses take  you  by surprise, popping up unexpectedly like they do.  In  fact,  it’s a  reoccurring  problem  of art  that  the naughty  bits appear  without  warning.  It’s  easy  enough  to avoid  an  exhibit  that’s  called  Lots  of  Penises,  but  curators  rarely  title their  exhibits  so  helpfully.  
Just For Today
It’s  more  likely  that you’ll be looking at an exhibit called Trains!, and there’ll  be  some  sick  model  train  with  a  penis on it, and then your kid will have disturbing questions about how Thomas reproduces. After all, the  human  body  is  nothing  to  be  ashamed  of. Subsequent ancient  cultures  invented  paper  and,  eventually,  the  Internet,  which  made  porn  much  more  hideable.  In  ancient  Greece,  only  the  biggest  pervs  had  giant  vase  collections.  If  you  make  uplifting  videos,  you  put  them  on  YouTube  and  hope  to go viral. If you make sad, repetitive, disturbing videos about dolls getting their hair  shorn  off,  you  make  video art. Video  art is  almost  always too scary.  Usually,  there will be  moaning from the  other  room  and  darkness.  Or  a  rickety  baby  carriage  with a stuffed crow in it.  You  know,  something  that  reminds you of that  weird  daycare down the  street.  Children can’t yet  appreciate  recontextualized  toys.  If  you  want to see  cute  things, go to  the  zoo  or the Disney Store.  Or again  with  the penises. Now  gift  shops  are just glorified toy stores.  The  Guggenheim  has  special Frank Lloyd Wright Legos.  I’d  bet  you  have  to go somewhere  seriously  tragic  to avoid toys,  like  the  September 11 Museum  or  the  Holocaust Museum, though  I  haven’t  tested  that  theory  yet.  And  a  lot  of  these  toys  your  kid is begging for are so gunked up with learning that you know they  won’t  be  any  fun. We’ve all  become  so  insistent  on  toys  having  educational  value  that  now you  can’t  have  educational  value  without  toys!  You  got  your  education  in  my  toy!  You  got  your  toy  in  my  education!  But  even  if  real  museums  are  hard  to  navigate  sometimes,  what  can  you  do?  Go  back  to  a  children’s  museum?  Here’s  what  you’re  up  against.  The  boy  is  one  of  the  most  ubiquitous  types  of  kid.  Is  it  even  okay  to  call  kids  beautiful  these  days?  But  look,  without  the  full  psychological  breakdown  of  these weirdos,  the  term  spaz  suffices.  Creeps  are  always  trying to  look  at  your  butt and  they  know  about  how babies  are  made  before  they should.  These  knuckle  draggers  aren’t  to  be  trusted.  There  is  a  type  of  feral  child  that  is so  pissed  at  the  world  that  they  aren’t  satisfied  with  hitting.  These  tiny,  toothy  animals  will  try to bite your child and/or you if you  get  too close. Do you remember the supersmart kid  who  won  every spelling  bee  or  was  always  whipping  that Rubik’s  Cube around?  Supersmart  kids  are  great when  they  are  on  your  side,  but  oh  man  do they like to  rub  their  smarts  in your face.    "
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      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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    array(11) {
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      string(29) "2022-06-17T16:00:00.001-07:00"
      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-17T16:00:20.387-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(19) "What's Not To Like?"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(87196) "Dinosaurs  died  and  then  they  were  put  in  a  museum.  Let’s  tear  it down and let this  thing  grow  and  blossom like I know it  can,  or  Hey,  then  ignore.  When  you’re  making  sure  your  toddlers  don’t  hit  each  other,  small  talk  with  other  parents  might  seem  unnecessary.  But what  about  the  other  kinds  of  parents?  That’s  a  little  harder,  but  I’ll  hook you  up.  Have  fun  categorizing  your family  and  friends!  These  parents  think  toddlers  can be  reasoned  with,  that  if the  logic  behind  a  situation  is  explained  effectively,  then  their  kids  won’t  be  brats  anymore.  Now Desmond,  while  it’s  true it’s  your  ball,  how would  you  feel  if  another  child  didn’t  want  to  share with you? These parents will shout at their kids three times, get no results, and then give up. They understand  that  they  must  exert  control  but  are  unable  to get results,  so the  appearance  of  caring  will  have to do. Cassidy,  get  off  the  fence.  Off the fence, Cassidy!  These  parents’ kids aren’t  out  of control,  you  just don’t know their kids like they do. Their kids are not monsters, they’re really sweet, somewhere way, way, way deep inside. You know,  I  think  Charlotte  is  upset  because Wednesdays are normally our  day  at  the  garden, but today  we  went  to  music class  instead.  And she  only  drank  half  of her  smoothie  this  morning, and  she’s  dropping a nap and teething  and  her  dad  just  left  on  a  trip,  so  .  


Write Me A Letter
These parents are asleep  at the wheel, except they might have forgotten  to  bring  the  wheel.  They’re  out to lunch, except they forgot  to bring lunch. I’m sorry I didn’t  bring  your  tiara,  Madison.  Violet,  you’ll  have  to  share.  Get  in line,  Private.  These  parents will not  tolerate  wiggles  on  the  subway  or any  antics.  Discipline,  close  talking,  and  being  a  tyrant  will  have  you  wishing  you  could  adopt  these  assholes’  kids.  Francis,  do  you  think it is appropriate  to be standing there? These guys are chasing kids around, being monsters at the playground.  They’ve  got bubble guns  shooting  awesome  bubbles  everywhere.  The  kids  at  the  playground  love  it!  These  guys  are  exhausting.  These  parents  are  multitasking  their  asses  off,  taking  full  advantage  of  the  mobile  workplace  to  ignore  their  kids.  Guiding  their  children  through  a  spiritual  journey,  these  parents  are  all  about  exposing  their  kids  to  multicultural  offerings  that can  expand  their  minds.  
A Cup Of Kindness
Until  they  start  losing.  That’s  the intensity!  The  rest  of  us  are picking up the slack around  here,  man! If anything,  the  little  ones  have  opened  them up to some pretty  cool  music. This dad  is  incredibly  charming  and  clever,  and  somehow  he  manages  to  be  handsome  and  caring.  Savor  the  moment.  Savor  every  precious moment! They  grow  up  so  fast.  Savor  the hugs, savor the kisses, even savor  the  tears. Soon they’ll be walking,  so savor  the crawling. Savor the  tantrums, savor the  screaming! Savor the complaining,  savor  the  broken toy bought a  week  ago.  Were you hoping to put your  kid to  bed early instead of savoring  him?  I’m  not  sure  you’re getting this  savoring  thing. Savor getting socked in the nuts, savor  stepping  on  sharp Legos,  savor no sleep. Slather  yourself  in savoring,  pour that  hot  soup  of  savoring  in  your  lap  and  slosh  it  around  in  your  pants.  Let  the  savoring  wash over  you  like  you’re  a  pig  on  a platter being basted in your own savory sauces. 
Major  Minus 
What’s up  with  my  toddler?  Still  a  lot  of  interesting developments! Your toddler is going to preschool, reading, and loves your iPad more than you. But the  world  loves  a  little  kid.  And  what’s  not to like?  Little  kids  are  the  perfect  size  to  hustle  around  town.  They’re  full  of  questions,  curiosity,  and  wonder.  Perfect  for  museums,  music  classes,  and  dare  I  say  .  Starting  to  sound  familiar?  You’ve  got  your  old  life  back, pal! And when I see a kid in a tiny vest and bow tie,  I  wanna  give  him  a noogie, right  quick, to  show  him who’s boss.  No,  I like my  kids to be  kids.  And  one  of  the  surest  signs  that  your  kid is turning into an adult  is  when  they  start  saying things correctly. Or  that  dogs were wogs?  And  cabs were cats  and cats were  cabs,  so  it sounded like  he  wanted to call  a  cat  and get a pet  cab. Now,  suddenly,  your child is  saying  things  correctly. Nonsense is underrated. They  can  stay  cute  a while, can’t they? I’ll  take  dada  over  father  any day of  the  week.  What has any  of  that  ever done for  us?  So  I say hold  onto  their  youth!  But  if  you’re  lucky,  people  with  far  more  patience  than  you will teach your kid yoga, splatter painting, and sharing. Preschool has healthy snacks,  not  half  your  muffin.  Preschool  has  attentive  teachers,  not  you  on  your  phone.  Maybe  I’m  being a  little  tough  on  you.  This  is  perfectly  normal.  It’s  best  not  to  compare  this  to  Sophie’s  Choice  in  any  way.  The  way  your  child  screams  and  reaches  out  to  you  as  a  stranger  tears  him  from  your  arms  is  totally  different  from  Meryl  Streep  handing  her  kid  to  the  nanny.  But  you  also  know  that  you  must  leave  as  quickly  as  possible  and  trust  he’ll  calm  down.  There  he  is  yukking  it  up  with  his pals.  Way  to  throw  ol’  Dad  to  the  curb. You’ll  know  how  good  the preschool  is  by  the  number of  art  projects  your  child is sent  home  with.  In  this  case,  the  art will  ruin  your  home  in  one  fell  swoop.  Maybe  you’d  be  better  off  not  working,  but  then  you’d  be  depriving  your  child  of  creative  exploration and social acclimation and dooming him to be  forever  behind his peers. Maybe just send him to  extended  days  on Tuesdays  and  Thursdays.  It’s  amazing  how  language  acquisition  works. And  as  children  learn  more of the  world  .  When  our  cat  India  died,  my daughter  asked  if  our  family  pet  was  in a museum  now.     "
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      string(61) "https://learnatec.blogspot.com/2022/06/whats-not-to-like.html"
      ["author_name"]=>
      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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      ["id"]=>
      string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618755959915304134.post-4387532161648860849"
      ["published"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-17T04:00:00.001-07:00"
      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-17T04:00:16.983-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(41) "Tiny Hands Have Filth And Disease On Them"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(86883) "The  folding  mechanisms  on  strollers  are  complicated,  and each  brand  is  different.  Or  you’ll  try  all  of  them in  quick  succession.  Like many  things  in  parenting,  it’s  good  to  have  a  plan,  any  plan.  And  the  Having  of  the  Plan  is  more important  than  the  Plan  Itself.  For  our  daughter,  we basically  chose  the  middle  path,  nuancing  her  into  eventual  sleepy  submission.  Here’s  a handy guide. Kick the middle thing up. Kick the side thing down. Push the whole  thing  down  until  that  side  thing  clicks.  Pull  the  latch  on the side.  Push the  kicking  thing  off.  Step  on the side tab.  


Here, There and  Everywhere
Go  to  town  on  the top until it  folds.  Pull the strap  toward  you  while  pushing  the bottom with your foot. Foot the stepping strap. Stretch the side latch. Unfold until it snaps in two. Throw this away in the  garbage  like  a  broken  umbrella.  Or you went to church  and  doodled  until  your parents gave  up  on  you.  And now  here you have  a  tiny  baby.  Because if  she’s  cool,  she probably  won’t  hold it against  your child if  they’re  not  baptized  or  indoctrinated  right  away.  Opinions  vary  so wildly that I choose to believe that she either exists and is cool or that she does not exist. If you want,  do some stuff to get people off  your  back,  baptize  away,  knowing  that  a  little  water  on  a baby’s  head  won’t  kill anyone. Deciding  what  you  actually  believe  is  a tough  task  that  I  have  been  avoiding  for  years.  
None But The Brave
Soul  searching  is  hard,  especially  when  you  have  a  tiny  baby  screaming  at  you. She keeps popping  up, especially around the holidays. In my household, we’ve had many conversations  about the various religions my daughter has  encountered  in  Brooklyn.  Don’t  squander  this  valuable  time  by  neglecting  to  post  about  it.  Carefully  pose  your  child  to  showcase  the  total  spontaneity  of  your  new  life.  Take  a  break,  get  them  wondering  if  you  ever  even  had  a  kid,  then  flood  the  zone  with  a  blast  of  kid  pics.  People  will love  your  brave  and  honest  post.  Make  sure  to  have people  hold  your  baby  so  you can tag them. Now back  way  up and get  one  of those  wistful  oh  look at the child all  by  herself pictures. Or  your  parents  may  keep  trying  to  save  your  child  even  though  you  are  a  lost  cause.  We’ll  see  how  serious she is when  we  get  to  the  goat sacrifice.  Maybe no other question is  so  important to your sanity, you  lush.  
Its Hard To Be
It’s  a controversial  subject.  There’s  no clear answer  and strong opinions  abound.  Babies  in  bars are annoying.  More  annoying  than  the sorority girls in the corner  taking  selfies?  Anyway, bars are basically a gathering  spot  for  annoying  people. No one  wants  to hear a baby crying in a bar.  No  one  wants to  hear jocks chanting about  a sportsball game,  but they  put  up  with  it.  No  one wants  to  hear  Billy  Joel  on  the  jukebox,  but  they  put  up with  it.  When  I  didn’t  have  a  kid, I thought it was horrible to bring a baby to  a  bar.  Aren’t  I  being  a  hypocrite  if I bring my baby in now? When you didn’t have a kid, you thought babies didn’t belong  in  all  sorts  of  places.  And  you  thought  that parents  were  sad  losers,  desperately  trying  to  hang  onto  a  shred  of  their  former  social  lives.  Children  should  not  be  around  sin,  loose  behavior,  and  partying.  They  yell,  shove  random  things  in  their  mouths,  and  throw  up  a lot. I’d rather go to the bar without my baby. If wishes were fishes.  I  don’t  want  to  be the only  one with  a  baby in a  bar.  At some point,  you will introduce  solid  food.  Wouldn’t  that  be  a  thing?  I’d  be  like,  Hey,  buddy, give Ma a  break!  New  parents  have  a lot of anxiety  about  introducing  solids, but  it’s  really no big  whoop. Solid foods  get  introduced  slowly, to get  your  baby used to  the  idea  that food isn’t always  a drink.  So  first, you do  mushy,  creamy  stuff. Then, when they eventually  have  teeth,  you  do more solid material. The  whole  thing  is  starting  to make sense,  right?  Back  in the old  days,  you’d  do ipecac, then  straight  cocaine,  then Old Wives’  Barley.  Sorry  pal,  I  don’t  know  what  you’re  gonna  do  with  all  that  Old Wives’ Barley. Those prunes will come in handy because your baby is going  to  get  backed  up a bit  now  that  his  food  is  changing.  Yeah,  poop  will  get. If  you’ve  been  one  of  those  horrible  parents  bragging  about  how  your  baby’s  poo  doesn’t  stink,  get  ready  to  eat  some  crow.  Like  many  developmental  milestones,  you’ve  got  to  keep  your  cool  and  not  worry  about  it  too  much.  Some  will  eat  solids  faster  than  others.  And  don’t  be  worried  if  your  child  never  develops  a  taste  for  kale.  Sure,  you  used  to  be  like  that,  but  it’s  getting  hard  to  remember  what  it  was  like to  be  so  lost.  All  diapers  have  poo  in them.  Baby’s  privates  should  not be  seen  in  public,  even though  they  are  just  little babies  and  there  is  a  diaper  emergency.  Screaming  babies  and  children  are  not  just  the  way  things  are  all  the  time.  Tiny  hands  have  filth  and  disease  on  them,  transferable  to  everything  they  touch. Running is an outdoor activity, not a restaurant/library/museum/grocery  store  activity. Pounding on things with other things is  not  music.  If a  baby  screams  for  a  toy,  then drops the toy,  then  screams  for  the toy,  then  gets  the  toy,  then  drops  the  toy,  then perhaps the baby  should  not  get  the  toy again. Maybe  toy  time  is over.  Parents  are old,  sad  People that they will never become. Luckily, dads can  cry now. They’re supposed to cry. This is where the  real  mental  work  of  maintaining  your  sanity  begins.  He’s  like  a  real  person  with  opinions,  questions,  and  a  personality.  Toddlers  can  walk!  Wanting,  but  not  getting.     "
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      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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    array(11) {
      ["id"]=>
      string(69) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618755959915304134.post-397538232452068610"
      ["published"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-16T16:00:00.001-07:00"
      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-16T16:00:21.377-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(24) "Do What Needs To Be Done"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(86793) "What’s  Batman  without  Robin?  But  the  physical  realness  of  my  wife’s  pregnant  body  made the  whole  thing  a lot  less  theoretical.  You’ve  got  nine  months  or  so to  get  your  head  in the  game.  Definitely  pregnant.  Some  dads  use  their  bystander  status  to justify  not  doing  anything  baby  related.  But  I think  you’re  a  New  Dad. I  think  you  should  help in as many ways as you can and be a great sidekick.  What’s  peanut butter without jelly? Sidekicks  are  invaluable.  Paint  the  baby’s  room  so  your  baby  doesn’t  get whacked out  on paint  fumes.  Go  to  the  billion doctor’s appointments and  nod  along,  then  look  stuff up later. Sure,  Robin’s  main job is  to help fight the Joker and keep the Batmobile gassed up, but I bet Batman keeps him around for the awesome foot rubs, too. Sidekicks do what needs  to  be  done.  Birth  class  is where you reacquaint yourself  with  the  physical.  


That Means a Lot
It’s pretty cool  to  see  something  moving in  another person’s stomach  that  isn’t  an  alien or  something.  You  finally get  to  be the big spoon in bed.  It’s  proof  that  your  boys  can  swim,  even  though  that’s  a stupid  thing  to be proud of. You’re finally allowed to talk to your wife’s  stomach  without her getting mad. You gain sympathy weight from many delicious  sympathy  sandwiches.  These  classes  are  totally  worth  doing  so  that  you  can  bone  up  on  epidurals,  dilation,  and contractions.  You’ll  learn  all  of  the  technical  stuff  and  all  the  options  for  birth,  and  you’ll  get  to  formulate  a  birth  plan.  A  birth  plan  is  your  plan  for  how you and your  wife would like the birth to go. To this end, you will learn a bunch of massages that are  supposed  to  serve  as  an  alternative  to  epidurals  That  said,  most  women  don’t  yell  for  less  epidural  once  they  get  a  taste.  But  attitudes  and  styles  of  birth  are  very  different.  Like,  in  one  scene,  Swedish  people  wandered  around  their  Bundesmall,  eating  a  Swedish  Cinnabün  minutes  before  giving  birth.  And  then  there was  the  scene  with  a  woman  from  the  Amazon  jungle  pausing  to squat  and  give  birth while shucking some kind of  weird  corn.  
Here Comes The Sun
Heck, it’s  enough  to make  you  proud  to be an American! These  videos  are supposed to  be  about  the  wonder  of  life,  not  about  making  fun  of  fashion  disasters.  Most  of  all,  you  will  learn  to be sappy  and  loving  to  your  wife  and unborn child in front of other  men.  There’s nothing very macho about  it, unless  you think deep breathing  and giving foot  rubs is macho.  Having  a  kid  is gonna be one  big  reckoning  with looking uncool.  That’s why you  should  silently  suffer these terrors. Have you ever felt  crazy?  Have  you ever felt  crabby?  Did it make you feel better to have  someone  talk  about it  or not shut the  hell  up about  it? Yeah,  that’s  why  you  are  going  to shut  the  hell  up  about  it.  It’s  like  she  is  a  wizard  now,  but  she’s  still  married  to  the  village idiot. When you approach this mighty wizard, be humble. The  wizard  will  grow  angry  if  you  ask  her stupid questions. And this wizard is, well, a little moody. Unlike a wizard, a pregnant woman’s powers  are  based  in  science.  Hormones,  discomfort,  and  the general problem  of  fitting  another  human  in  a  person’s  body  are  the  root  of  her  powers.  
A Taste of Honey
Remember  when  you  bit  into  that  weird  pickle  right  after  you  brushed  your  teeth?  I’m  guessing  it’s  like  that.  Or  maybe  it’s  like when you sneeze and burp at the same time. We’ll never really know. Pregnancy  is  a  mysterious  process.  It’s scary, and  it’s weird.  It’s  also not your  body.  And until future  generations fix this,  us  men  will  not  have  to  carry  babies  in  our wombs.  So maybe we stop  talking  about  it  so  women don’t get any  big  ideas. Nothing to  see  here, move along.  So for now,  love  this  wizard. Give her  little  foot massages, cook,  and  cater  to this wizard. Mix  the potions,  vacuum,  and be nice.  Nobody  wants  to be turned into a  toad.  It  used  to be easy being a  dad.  You’d  go  to  work, come home,  pour  a  drink, and pass  out  by  the fireplace. Every  once  in  a while, you’d  dole  out  advice  or  sign  a  check.  I’ve  seen  old  Super  8  footage  of the three generations of dads before me. He seems unsure of whether this  is  to  be  a motion picture  or  a  photograph,  and  he’s  pissed  about  it.  One  time I  remember  getting  him  loosened  up  was  when  my  brother  got  him  to  listen  to  House  of  Pain’s  Jump  Around  on  his  Walkman.  Why  is  that  guy  screaming?  he  asked.  He’s  still  like  that.  But  I  give  him  a  lot  of  credit  for  trying  hard.  My  parents  were  divorced,  so  even  driving  down  to  get  us  every  other  weekend  shows  some  hustle.  How  will  you  screw  up  your  child?  Was  your  dad  distant?  We  all  know what  a  mom  is.  Is  that  what  a  dad is  now?  Is  a  dad just  a  mom,  but  worse? A  dad  can  josh  you or tell  you  to  buck  up.  He  can  comfort  and  tell  you  to  walk  it  off.  So much  is  demanded  of  moms.  They  can’t  help  but  disappoint.  Generations  of  staying  remote  and  uninvolved  have lowered the expectations for dads. There’s never been  a  better, freer time to be a dad. If  you  step  up, you  get  to  experience  your  kid  and live an open  life.  And  it’s  easier to be  embarrassed  when  your  kid  is  crying  and  hand them off to  mom.  But  you  get  no bonus points  for  doing  that. You’re  freaking  out, but  at  least it’s ok to talk about it and not  just bury the fear deep in your stomach like our  dads  had  to.  You  might  not  be  a  natural.  You  might  mess  up  here  and  there,  but  you  must  do  so  to  get  better  at  it.     "
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      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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      ["id"]=>
      string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618755959915304134.post-7548701886472935792"
      ["published"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-16T04:00:00.001-07:00"
      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-16T04:00:20.479-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(19) "A List Of New Words"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(86894) "Clustering  is one method by which we could additionally enhance our memory. Organizing  by colors, numbers, or identical classification.  Organizing  words  into  images  or via  the  subjective  organization.  The  subjective organization depends  upon the  means  by  which  we  remember or arrange our  materials  by  our  own  classifications or devices. For  instance,  learning a list  of new words could  be done through subjective  analyses of these groupings or words. The better we arrange or become aware of how we develop an informational system,  the  better  it  would  be  in carrying out cognitive or  psychological  activities  like  or memory application  or  memorization.  One  instance of  this is cooking.  We  might  follow  a recipe  or  process  directed by  the  recipe. However,  the manners in which  we  prepare  food  and  provide  meaning  to  the  procedure  of cooking are distinct  from one another. Hence, the process is additionally  comparable  when  it comes  to obtaining knowledge  and information.  Think about  the procedure of resolving your issues or  obtaining  the  required  information.  Know  your  capability  in  the  process  of memorization  or  learning.  


Memories Are Made  Of This
Are you the  kind  of individual  who  quickly  obtains the  information  by  clustering  them  into  meaningful  classifications,  or  are  you  the  kind  of  individual  who  learns  much  better  if  you  follow  instructions  or images within  your head? Evaluate the circumstance,  the details, or experiences. Attempt to memorize the appropriate facts and get rid of  unneeded  information  or  data.  Professionals  claim  that  forgetting  is  not  the  result  of  losing  information,  yet  more  so  due  to  the  fact  that  there  may  be  a  fault  in  how  the  information  was  saved  or  in  the  manner  in  which  it  is  being  obtained.  A  range  of  aspects  add  to  the  manner  in  which  our  brain  keeps  and  supplies  information.  Some  researchers  compare  the  mind  to  a  camera  due to its capability and  nature  to record whatever  individual  experiences.  It  is  from  this view that strategies to  recover  memory utilizing truth  serum,  hypnosis,  and  meditation  originate  from.  On  the  other  hand,  regardless  of  the  mind’s  videographic  eye,  it  was  found  that the mind  does  not  have  ideal  archival  qualities, comparable  to a tape that can  lose  sharpness, gather mildew and age  with time.  The brain is additionally  compared to a  computer chip. While it  might  hold  a huge quantity of  information,  its  capability to keep data has its  constraints.  Hence,  occasions might not be completely  kept  in  mind.  With  time, some aspects  might  be lost, details might get fuzzy or slowly  be  gone.  Still, some  pieces of our past  could  be gone  permanently.  
Wearing And Tearing
A  forgotten  thing  might  be  kept  in memory  without  being  available  for  recall  or  retrieval.  There  are  a  number  of  theories  or  breakdowns  concerning  forgetting.  When  a word or the name of an individual is no more  pertinent,  such  memory  might  ultimately  lose  its  location within our brain. Such mistakes might cause a separate or false memory or might even defeat the  purpose  of  retrieval  because  what  is  being  accessed  are incorrect  leads  or  traces  in  our  brain.  This  additionally  includes  what  happens  before,  throughout,  or  after  learning.  Activities  done  prior  to  a  task  might  puzzle  the  retention  procedure  or  what  psychologists  call  proactive  inhibition.  Nevertheless,  the  more  meaningful the material is deemed to be, the less impact such a proactive inhibition has.  However,  an  opposite  impact  occurs throughout the  retroactive inhibition,  wherein  there are interfering  activities  happening after learning.  Normally, individuals who  need  to  learn  a  second  task  forget  more  of  the initial  one as opposed to  those  who  are  offered  just a single task  to  do. That is  why  it would be  recommended  to master  a specific  task or ability  prior  to moving on  to  the  following activity since keeping  an excessive  amount  of information calls  for  complicated  interactions of your psychomotor skills  and  memory.  Such  an instance is shown throughout  the  learning  of  how  to drive. Motor  skills  and  different  motions are  needed  and  might often appear  puzzling  in  the beginning because  they  need  synchronicity.  
Forcing Yourself To Be Happy
Nevertheless,  as  we  gradually  begin  to  learn  to  place  specific  physical activities into a cohesive and unified action, we start thinking in an extremely  exact  and  arranged  way. This suggests  that  we  have  actually  learned  or  remembered  various  activities  and have  placed  them  into  order.  For  that  reason,  so  as  to  remember  more,  one  needs  to  have  proficiency  in  a  specific  activity  or  skill  prior  to  participating  in  other  activities  which  need  specific  expertise.  Individuals  appear  to  quelch  particular  memories  or  suppress  the  procedure  of  memory  retrieval  or  retention.  Enjoyable  occasions  are  more  often  remembered  than  undesirable  ones.  Emotion  additionally  plays  a  crucial  part  in  forgetting.  Some  individuals  choose  to  forget  experiences  that  are  traumatic  or sad.  This  might  be  a  smart  move.  If  you devote  less  time  to  remembering  your  failures  and  dissatisfactions  in life,  you  are  going  to have  a  much  better  capability  to  maintain  useful  and vital  information  in  your  mind.  The  one  fact  that  unfavorable  ideas  worsen  stress,  you  ought  to  learn  to  unwind  and  forget  about  previous  errors.  The past is the past. Focus and maintain just  the  positive notions. Whenever we recall something, it is  as  though  we browse  our  memory  with  the  aid  of guides or cues  that  show  the  path to the  desired  materials.  Whenever  we  forget,  it  is  since  we might lack  the  required  guides  or cues for returning  to  the  information kept  in  the neural  expanse  of our brain. Utilize your creativity and humor. Link  an activity with a regular activity or with anything that  you  frequently  do.  Let’s  suppose  you  constantly  forget  to  bring  your  mobile  phone  each  time  you  head  to  work.  Ensure  that  before  you  brush  your  teeth  or  shower,  you  place  your  mobile  phone  within  your  bag.  Simply  turn  an  activity  that  you  typically  forget  into  a  part  of  your  everyday  regimen.  Produce  a  visual  cue.  Let’s  claim  you  invited  your  boss  to  dinner  at  your  home  on  Tuesday  night,  and  you  need  to  purchase  some  potatoes  for  the  dessert  you  are  going  to  be  preparing.     "
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      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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      string(29) "2022-06-15T16:00:00.001-07:00"
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      string(29) "2022-06-15T16:00:21.171-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(43) "Focus On Feeding Yourself Healthy Nutrients"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(86366) "What are you thankful for? Then I’ll  share sample daily routines for each stress type. I want you to have an example  and  guide  to  follow  and  try  out.  Pay attention to  how you  feel  and  make  adjustments  as needed. As you  read  through  this  example  day, please keep in  mind  that it is  a sample.  Don’t  feel  that you have to fit into this schedule exactly. I’m providing it just to give you a sense of how everything fits in and  how  a  schedule  could  look  for you. Of course, there  will  be  variations  based on your  life,  work,  commute,  priorities, chronotype,  and stress type  and  where  you  are in  the  stress  recovery. The  idea  is for you to get a  sense  of  what  to  aim  for  and  where  to  focus on making  gradual  shifts.  What are your intentions for the day? Get some sunlight  exposure  if possible. Walk your dog or take a cold swim if you can. Drink  a  protein  shake  and  take  morning  supplements.  If  you  feel  ready  to  extend  your  overnight  fast,  you  can  delay  your  shake  for  a couple  of  hours.  


Adjusting  Tirelessly
Shower,  brush  your  teeth,  and  get  dressed.  Perhaps  put  on  music  or  a  motivating  podcast.  Head  to  work  or  your office. Organize your  thoughts  and prioritize  tasks.  You’re  ready to work or focus on a project. What would you like to get  done  today?  Are  there  any  phone  calls  you  need  to  make  or  tasks  you  want  to  get  done?  Do  them  now  if  possible.  Now  and  every  hour  while  working,  take  a  break  for  a  few  minutes.  Go  to  the  bathroom,  drink  water,  stretch  or  do  a  few  squats,  clear  your  mind,  and check  in  with  yourself.  It’s  time  to  eat  again  in order  to maintain  healthy  blood  sugar levels and energy. Take nice  deep  breaths before you  sit  down  to  eat.  Set  aside other tasks for the  moment  and focus on  feeding  yourself  healthy  nutrients.  Pay  attention  to  each  bite  as  you  chew  carefully.  
Down The Line
Remember  to  take  breaks  to  use  the bathroom,  drink  water,  take  a  few  deep  breaths, check your priority  list for the  day,  take a walk, and get  perspective  on  how things are going.  Do you need  to debrief with a  friend  or  assistant? It’s  time to  eat  again,  perhaps a second lunch, with protein.  Are there  supplements you need to take at this  time  to  help manage stress  mode?  Optimally,  your workday will be done by now  or  wrapping  up. Think  about or write down  what  you accomplished  and anything  you  need  to  continue  tomorrow.  Reply  to  messages  and  make  arrangements  for  what  can  be  done  later.  Start to  wind  down  your  brain.  It  may  be a good time for a walk outside or a meditation.  Take  supplements  and  digestive  enzymes.  Talk  to  whoever may be joining you. Share your thoughts and experiences of the day with a sense of gratitude  and  pleasure.  Read  a  bedtime  story  to  your  kids. If  you’re  looking  for  a  new  relationship,  journal  about  what  it  will  look  like  and  feel  like  to  have  a  loving  partner  in  your  life.  
A Better Future
What  do  you  need  to  do  before  bed?  Plan  to  be  heading  to bed and ready for affirmations and a meditation or yoga nidra to help you  progressively  relax  and  get  into sleep mode.  Does this  sound  like your life?  In  what way does  it sound familiar?  Are  there  ideas  you  can  take  from  this  that  you’d  like  to integrate into your  schedule?  What  do  you  think would, or wouldn’t,  work  well for you?  Journal  about this and  make note of  what  you’d  like to try.  Again,  the idea here  is  to  make gradual changes. Be  gentle with  yourself.  If something goes  wrong,  it’s  really a learning opportunity that’s  letting  you  know  what would work better. Take  it  at  your  own  pace. In fact,  for  some  people, making too  many  changes  at once might  cause  the  whole effort to  backfire.  Being  a  parent  adds  an  extra  challenge  to  fitting  in  time  for  yourself. For example, when I was waiting for her to come out of a  dance  class,  it  was the perfect  time  for  me  to  meditate  in  the  car.  While  making her  lunch,  folding  laundry,  or  walking  her  to  the  bus  or  train,  I  could  be  practicing  gratitude  in  my  mind  or  listening  to  music  or  a  podcast  that  helped  me  recenter  and  gain  perspective.  Creating  a  structure  and  sticking  to  it  will  establish  boundaries  for  you  and  for  others  in  your  life,  on  your  work  team,  or  in  your  classes.  You  may  find  that  it  helps  to  put  your  schedule  into  a  shared  calendar  and  to set  reminder  alerts  for  yourself,  including  for  your  recentering  and  break  times.  They’re  also unique  to  where  you  are in  the  Stress  Recovery  Protocol. That’s  a  good  thing.  By  the  time  you  get resiliency,  it  is  all  about  maintaining  your  progress  and  preventing  stress  mode  from  happening  again.  Have  mini  meals  on  hand  to  eat  every  three  to four hours throughout the day. Implement five minutes  of  stretching or yoga, then five to ten minutes  of  core  strengthening.  Eat  at  regular  intervals  throughout  the  day, and then at night  choose  protein,  carbs, and healthy  fats  to  balance  blood  sugar  and  hormones.  Set aside the evening  to  dim  the  lights,  listen  to calming  music,  and  take a  bath,  and then  pull  down the blackout shades and practice progressive relaxation. Spend  time in nature, especially in the morning. Take deep breaths,  journal,  or  call  a  friend.  Do  Pilates  or  go  for  a  walk  outside.  Reach  for  a  protein  shake  in  the  morning,  and  choose  small  meals  containing  a  slightly  higher  amount  of  carbohydrates  than  protein  and  fat  throughout  the  day.  Set  aside  you  time  in  the  evening  to  journal,  call  a  friend,  or  listen  to  music.  When  you  wake,  start  with  a  meditation  or  mindfulness  walk  in  nature.  Take  breaks  twice  during  the  day.  Eat  a  meal/snack,  served  on  a  small  plate,  every  two  to  four  hours.     "
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      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-15T04:00:19.839-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(27) "Multivitamin And B Vitamins"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(87521) "Vitamin  D  was  first  known  to be important  for helping  the  intestines  absorb  calcium  and phosphorus, which are  important  for  bone  health.  Additionally, rather than using  a  standard probiotic at  this  point,  I suggest  a product containing Bacillus,  which acts as a kind of traffic director by supporting healthy bacteria and discouraging those we don’t want. I am  also  cautious  about  using  fiber  and prebiotics at this point  because  I  don’t  want to overfeed  the  bacteria.  Another  approach, which  is considered experimental  at  this  point  in time,  is  helminthic  therapy. Studies  have  demonstrated that,  in addition  to bacteria,  there  are  other  microbes  that  ought  to  exist  in  the human microbiome  in order to provide optimal signaling to our digestion,  immune  system,  and  nervous  system.  When these microbes  are missing, which  is common in developed countries  where  people  are  not  exposed  to  them,  we  have  an  increased  rate  of allergies,  autoimmunity,  and  neurological  conditions.  When  very  specific  microbes  are  introduced  into the  intestines,  they  are  able  to  shift  the  population  of  bacteria  in  a  positive  way,  as  well  as  assist  with  healing  leaky  gut, and recalibrate  the  immune  system and nervous system in such a way that the body is essentially reset from stress exposure. Helminthic  therapy  has  been  demonstrated  to  turn  off  autoimmunity,  without  causing  negative  side  effects,  which  is  unheard  of  for  patients  otherwise  having  to  take  medications  with  severe  side  effects.  Celiac  disease,  Crohn’s  disease,  rheumatoid  arthritis,  and  multiple  sclerosis  have  all  been  helped,  amongst  many  other  autoimmune  and  allergic  conditions.  And  yet  helminthic  therapy  has  yet  to be  used  on  a  large  scale.  One of  the  factors  that  gets  in the way is the hygiene  hypothesis,  which taught that  we  should  be  afraid  of  germs and worms in particular.  While  there are certainly  parasites  that  are  harmful  to  humans,  just  as  there  are  bacteria  that  are  pathogenic,  there  are  also  helminths,  such  as a very  specific  type  of  hookworm  researchers  have identified,  that are beneficial  to humans.  


Look Into The  Future
In  fact, some argue that humans  evolved with  hookworms in our bodies,  and without  them,  we are at a  disadvantage.  I’ve  experienced improvements  in my  health  with  hookworm therapy and I’ve observed its  substantial  benefit  for my patients.  Overall, I want you  to  know  that it is  possible  to get your gut bacteria back on track  with  diligence  and patience.  Patients have proven it  to me! Then,  once your  microbiome  is  optimized,  it  is  all about  keeping  it  that  way.  Lactobacillus  and  Bifidobacterium.  Now  these  bacteria  are sold  by  many  different  companies  in  refrigerated  and nonrefrigerated forms, and with various quantities and levels of quality  of  bacteria.  Certain  nutrients  are  particularly  important  for helping us recover from and become resilient to stress. These include antioxidants, which we need to counteract  oxidative  stress,  as  well  as  nutrients  to  decrease  inflammation and  to  support  mitochondria.  It’s  important  to  work  with  a  practitioner  who  can  help  you  run  tests  to  determine  what  is  depleted  or  out  of  balance  in  your  body.  Sometimes  I  imagine  this  process  as  a  pilot  sitting in a cockpit with a hundred dials and gauges. It’s not a quick fix  or  crutch.  It’s  about  choosing nutrients intentionally  based on  what  your body needs  to  function well. 
A Jigsaw Falling  Into Place 
First,  select a multivitamin.  Some  multivitamins  contain  iron,  but  that  is  appropriate  only  for those  who have low iron  levels  and  women  who  are pregnant, postpartum, and/or  breastfeeding.  When it comes  to  vitamins, a bargain  price means the  manufacturer  used  cheaper, inactive forms  of  the nutrients. By  knowing  your  genetics related to nutrient  metabolism, as  well  as your nutrient  levels  in  blood tests, in particular an  intracellular  blood  test,  you and your practitioner can  determine  whether  you  have  an increased need  for  certain  nutrients.  Working with  a  naturopathic  doctor or clinical  nutritionist  who  specializes  in nutrigenomics  is  extremely  helpful  for  determining  the  nutrients  you  need  that  are  specific  to  your genetics and your history of stress exposure. As with anything new that you  take,  monitor  how  you feel. If  you  have  any  sort  of  reaction,  stop  taking  the  product and  consult  your  practitioner.  It’s  common  to  notice  that  your  urine  is  more  yellow  when  taking  a  multivitamin  or  B  complex.  Once  the  nutrients  are  absorbed  from  your  digestion,  they  travel  through  your  bloodstream  to  be  delivered  to  your  cells.  When  your  blood  is  filtered  by  your  kidneys,  certain  nutrients  or  nutrient  metabolites  will  go  into  your  urine,  making  it  yellow.  While  many  people  assume  yellow  urine  means  they  are  peeing  out  their  vitamins,  in  actuality, yellow  urine  means  your  body  successfully  absorbed  the  nutrients.  Having  the  nutrients  come  through  your  bladder  in  your  urine protects  your  bladder  from  toxins that  may  be  in  your  urine  as  well.  
The Curtains Close
Algae is  a  vegan  source.  Throughout  our  bodies,  they  make  up  the  walls  of  our  cells,  including  nerve  cells.  This  means  that  you  should  be  careful taking them if you are on blood thinners  or  are about to have surgery. Doses of 2,000  to  4,000  mg per  day  are  used  clinically  for  specific  conditions.  As I’ve  mentioned,  magnesium  is  one of the  most  important  nutrients  for  our  bodies.  It  is used in over  three  hundred  biochemical  pathways,  including  the breakdown  of  adrenaline.  Without enough  of  it, we  will  be more likely to experience fatigue, anxiety, high blood  pressure, muscle cramps, uterine cramps, heart palpitations, headaches,  and numbness.  We  get  magnesium  in  our  diet  from  nuts,  seeds,  beans,  brown  rice,  oatmeal,  white  potatoes,  spinach,  salmon,  poultry,  beef  .  It’s  important  to  choose  the  type  of  magnesium  based  on  the  desired  purpose.  Magnesium  glycinate  is  perfect  for  releasing  stress  from  muscles  and  the  nervous  system.  A  common  dose  is  100  to  400  mg  per  day.  Vitamin  D  comes  from  exposure  to  sunlight.  Although  many  of  us  lack  adequate  sun  exposure,  due  to  not  going  outdoors  or  to  living  at  latitudes  37  degrees  north  or  south  of  the  equator  during the winter, we can  also  get  vitamin  D from certain foods, such as  salmon  and  egg  yolk, as well as fortified  milk  and  cereal  diary products.    "
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      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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      string(29) "2022-06-14T16:00:00.001-07:00"
      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-14T16:00:18.189-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(43) "Using Nutrients And Herbs To Restore Health"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(87496) "Amino acids come  from  protein  in  our  diet.  Even so, once you’ve completed  the  protocol,  you’ll  know which nutrients,  herbs,  and  activities  to turn  to when you  are  under  more  stress. I  first  took  biochemistry when  I was a college  student,  specifically  studying  its  role  in  nutrition  and  science.  You  don’t  need  to take a biochemistry  class or an herbalism course to benefit from them.  I’m  going  to  guide  you on how to give your body the nutrients and herbs it needs  to  reestablish  healthy  levels  of  neurotransmitters,  hormones,  and  more.  But  we need  the  right  nutrients,  in optimal  amounts,  for  it  to  work.  If you  were  to  break  protein  down  to  its  tiniest  parts,  you’d  be  looking  at  amino  acids.  There  are  twenty  amino  acids  used  in the human body  for various purposes, including  building  muscles, detoxification processes, and making adrenaline and neurotransmitters.  We can make eleven of the  twenty  amino  acids  within  our  bodies.  The  other  nine  we  must  get  from  food.  However,  in  clinical  nutrition,  we  can  provide  a  specific  amino  acid  in  order  to  increase  the  production  of  the  substance  made  from  that  amino  acid.  And  it  is  possible  to  give  your  adrenal  glands  the  nutrients  and  herbs they  need  to restore  healthy  production  of  cortisol  and  adrenaline,  just  as it  is  possible  to give your intestinal cells the  nutrients  and herbs they  need  to recover  from  leaky  gut. 


Friday On The Mind
We have to start  with  calming support. But  if  you  stimulate  yourself  more,  without  having  enough  calm  to  counterbalance,  that  will  only  work  against  you.  You’re  likely  to aggravate  your  anxiety,  sleep  issues,  and  worries.  Why do that to yourself  when there’s  another  way that doesn’t have to  involve feeling  worse? Instead, we start  with calming,  as  it’s only once you  are  out  of stress mode that  your  body  can truly heal. That means increasing  calming  neurotransmitters,  decreasing cortisol and adrenaline if they are  high,  and  generally giving your  body  the signal that it doesn’t  need to be  reacting  to  stress. It  is also the time  to make space  in your  daily  schedule  for  you.  And  how do  you  feel?  Are  there  any  anxieties  or  insecurities  coming  up?  If so,  be  present  with  yourself  in  a  loving way and give yourself compassionate support to know everything will  be  okay.  Phase  1  can  take  anywhere  from days to weeks to months. It depends on your body and your ability to implement these changes  in  your  life.  Stress  mode  causes  some  people  to react  to  every  single  thing,  even  things  that  are  good  for  them.  It  can  seem  like  every  change,  even  good  changes,  makes  things  worse.  If  this  is  the  case  for  you,  you’ll  need  to  approach  stress  mode  with the greatest amount of stealth and suavity. 
Ordinary  People
You’ll  need to start with the tiniest  changes  and  give  yourself  a lot of  positive feedback  and  mantras to keep  moving  forward on this  path. So be  patient  with  yourself.  As  one  patient  explained,  When  you’ve  been going  140 miles an hour  every  day,  the  gas  pedal is always accelerating,  so  you no longer  know  what slowing down  feels like, and  it  can  feel scary or  strange.  You won’t know  if  today  is going to be  full of  taking  steps forward or  backward.  You’ll  need to be able to  maintain  curiosity  about  what’s happening in your body  while  also  keeping  steady  with your intention  and  mindset.  Remind yourself that  every  step  along the way  is  a  learning opportunity. Allow  your  experience  to  simply  be  what  it  is.  And  at  the  same  time,  be totally committed to the process of feeling better, getting out of stress mode,  and  recovering  from  stress so that  you  can  feel  your  best  and  live  your  passion  and purpose.  Phase  1  looks  different  for  each  person,  though  it  always  involves  getting  out  of  stress  mode.  For  dogs,  it  might  look  like  a  shake.  For  us,  as  humans,  it’s  not  as  easy.  Like  a  spring  that’s  sprung,  your  body  needs  to  get  back  to  a  ready  position.  
Get It Right The First Time
For  Stress  Magnets  and  Night  Owls,  this  phase  is  focused  on  decreasing  cortisol  and  adrenaline  during  their  elevated  times  of  day.  Tired  and  Wireds  need  their  adrenaline  to drop  down  to  optimal.  All  of  the  stress  types, including  Blah  and  Blue,  need to  support  their  calming  neurotransmitters,  which  have  likely  been  depleted by stress.  Various  herbs  and  nutrients  can  help  you achieve  equilibrium  and  get  you  out  of  stress  mode.  Focus  particularly  on  nutrients,  amino  acid  supplements,  and  herbal  medicine  to  normalize  your  stress  hormone  levels and decrease inflammation by starting to heal leaky  gut.  Theanine, an amino acid found in tea leaves,  is  the  perfect  example  of  what  we  all  need  in Phase 1 of stress  recovery.  Plus,  these neurotransmitters  are  often  depleted  by  stress,  so  you  likely  need more. Theanine  is  known  to  be  generally  safe and gentle.  Notice  how  you feel  when  you take  it  and adjust the dose to match what you need.  Some studies have shown that it communicates with the nervous  system  via  bacteria  in  the  gut.  Tryptophan  is  the  precursor  amino  acid  to  serotonin.  First,  tryptophan  can  go  down  a  different  pathway,  to  make  a  substance  called  kynurenic  acid,  which  is  a  neurotoxin.  And  when  our  bodies  are  stressed,  they  are  more  likely  to  send  tryptophan  down  this  undesired  pathway.  That  is  because  our  bodies  and  nervous  systems  are  used  to  the  amount  of  serotonin  they  currently  have.  If  we  increase  our  serotonin  too  quickly,  our  nervous  systems  will  notice  it  and  may  cause  us  to  feel  stimulated  instead  of relaxed. I refer to  this  as a serotonin celebration, because the nervous system  is  so  excited  to see more serotonin show  up.  After  about  a week of taking it,  you’ll  likely find  that your  nervous  system  is  used  it.  You’ll  be  able  to  increase  the  dose  if  desired,  and  move  the  dose  to  bedtime, because it  can  help  you  to  feel  more  relaxed  and  to  sleep  more  deeply.  You  can  take  them  as  needed  during a  stressful period.     "
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      ["author_name"]=>
      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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      ["id"]=>
      string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618755959915304134.post-1754013364541220233"
      ["published"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-14T04:00:00.001-07:00"
      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-14T04:00:18.807-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(37) "Laughter Is One Of The Best Medicines"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(87816) "Studies show that watching  a funny show and laughing out loud can reduce stress, and more specifically  reduce cortisol  and adrenaline. Laughter has  also  been  shown  to  improve  circulation,  decrease  heart  rate  and  blood  pressure,  decrease  pain,  and  improve  mood  and  immunity.  Caring  for  them  helps  with  stress,  too.  My  dog  makes  me  laugh  at  all  the  funny  things  she  does.  Learning  to  laugh  at  ourselves  tends  to  happen  when  we  let  go  of  our stresses.  Simply  turning  on  tunes  can  melt  away  the  day’s  stress.  Music  is  used  to  help people express themselves, facilitate movement,  and  provide emotional support.  Music  medicine,  on  the  other  hand, is the use of  music  without a therapist.  They  have  been  shown  to  decrease  heart  rate  and stress  more  than  other  frequencies.31  Binaural  beat  therapy  uses  sounds  entering the left  and  right  ears  at  slightly  different frequencies.  Turn up the tunes! While  you’re  at it, sing and dance  to the  music. Do you sing  in the shower  or while driving?  If  not,  you  might try it. 


Shake Your  Foundations
Singing,  humming,  and  chanting all stimulate  the vagus nerve,  helping  to  shift you into a parasympathetic  state.  Or  turn  on  some music and  have  a dance party break, by yourself or with  your  kids.  There is  a reason cultures around  the  world include  music, singing,  and  dance  as  part  of  their  celebrations.  Infrared  saunas  provide  heat  from  varying  wavelengths,  which  benefits  our  bodies  in  different  ways,  from  tissue  healing  and  decreased inflammation to detoxification. Talking with a friend or therapist can  make  all  the  difference  in  the  world.  Calling your mom has also been studied as a form of stress reduction, especially for daughters. Expressing how  we  feel  and  feeling  heard  are  so  powerful  for us  as  humans.  These  forms  of  communication  lower  cortisol  and  adrenaline  while  increasing  serotonin  and  oxytocin.  We  then  feel  connection,  compassion,  and  increased  confidence  in  ourselves,  including  in  our  ability  to  feel  different  feelings.  Journaling,  or  writing  about your feelings, is also beneficial. When you think about it, we spend a lot  of  our  lives  avoiding  unpleasant feelings, such  as sadness,  shame,  vulnerability, embarrassment, guilt,  and  anger. We go  to great lengths  to  avoid  conversations  and  situations  that  may  involve  these  feelings.  
Not Guilty
And  if you’ve tried therapy  but  you’d  like  additional  support to understand yourself  and  your experiences, you  may  find it helpful  to work with  an  expert  with a different  perspective  and approach. Naturopathic  doctors  are  trained in counseling, so  they can  be  a good resource,  and  some  have completed additional training. For  example,  I  completed  certification as a life coach  using  the  Holistic  Breakthrough  Method, which is  a  process  to guide you  to  let  go of past  traumas  and  conditioned  ways of  being  so  that  you  can  be  your  authentic,  loving  self.  Another  benefit  in  many of these stress recovery activities is that they give you alone time. Many  of  us  live  with, work with,  and  interact  with  other  people  much  of  the  day,  and are  exposed  to  constant  demands  and  stimulation.  If  your  children  are  like  my  daughter,  they  likely  have  a  radar  that  alerts  them  as  soon  as  you’re  focused  on  a  task,  because  that’s  exactly  when  they  will  ask  you  to  help  them  with  something.  It  can  be  hard  to  find  a  minute  to  spend  by  myself  or  a  space  in  my  home  to  spend  it.  This  is  so  much  the  case  that  it  can  feel  odd  to finally  have  space  and  time  alone.  Before  you  know it,  you’ll  cherish  time  alone and  help  others  have  it, too.  I’m  going  to  review a few  of  them  here,  namely  cannabinoids,  psychedelics,  peptides,  and  herbs  that  support  telomere  length.  They  then  bind  to  receptors  throughout  the  body,  including  in  the  brain,  helping  to  bring  the  body  back  to homeostasis. Think of the story of Goldilocks. 
Give  Truth A Chance
She  didn’t  want things too big or too small, too  hot  or  too cold.  She  wanted  them  just  right.  That’s  what our bodies  want  and  need,  too, in order  to function  optimally.  But  stress  pushes  our  bodies  away from this  perfect  middle  ground.  That’s  where endocannabinoids  come  in,  to  help shift  us  and our  cellular  function back to optimal. In this way, they help  with stress recovery. Enzymes break down the endocannabinoids  once their  job  is  done.  Endocannabinoids  have  been  shown  to  decrease  inflammation  in  the  body  by  communicating  with  the  immune  system.  They  also  decrease  pain  and  stress.  The  whole  flower  can  be  smoked  and  inhaled,  or  ingested,  or  the  oil  can  be  extracted  and  formulated  into  liquids,  capsules,  or  lotions  that  are  applied  topically.  They  have  been  shown  to  help  those  who  are  facing  death  from  cancer,  perhaps  one  of  the  greatest  experiences  of  stress  imaginable.  Some  states  and  countries  have  legalized  these  substances  and  are  beginning  to  provide  access  to  them for stress recovery and  establish  protocols  for  their use. Based on my research  and  experience,  I  feel they are an important  option  to  consider  for stress recovery, depending on a person’s  situation  and comfort  level.  If  you  are  considering  the  use  of  an  entheogen,  such  as  ayahuasca,  be  sure  to  consult  with  a  practitioner  trained in  the  use  of  psychedelics  or  an  experienced  shaman  who  can  help  you  use  it  safely  and  effectively.  Petersburg,  Russia,  are  substances made  in  the  human  body,  and  in  animals,  that  have  the  ability  to  reset  genetic  expression  after  stress  exposure.  Khavinson  studied  peptides  during  the  Cold  War  in  an  effort  to  help  soldiers  recover  from  the  stress  of  battle.  Not  only  were  the  peptides  able  to  restore  healthy  function,  but  they  also  actually  worked  at  a  genetic  level  to  undo  the effects  of  stress,  thereby  having  an  antiaging  effect.  Khavinson  has  since  discovered  peptides  for  various  tissues  in  the  body,  from  the  pineal  gland  to  the  bones,  and  everything  in  between.  Petersburg,  the  Institute  of  Bioregulation  and  Gerontology. He described his research over the past  fifty  years  with  great  enthusiasm,  explaining  that  the  use  of  peptides  has  been  shown  to  increase life span by 20 to 40 percent.    "
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      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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      string(29) "2022-06-13T16:00:00.001-07:00"
      ["updated"]=>
      string(29) "2022-06-13T16:00:22.347-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(32) "Sound Sleep Is Within Your Reach"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(88678) "Your  palette  comes  into  play  in  a  variety  of  ways  regarding  your  sleep  hygiene.  There  are  also  pads  you  can  purchase  to  lie  on  that  help  keep  you  cooler  while  you  sleep.  First  and  foremost,  consider  your  diet.  Yes,  what  you  eat  or  drink  during  the  day,  plus  any  food  sensitivities  you  might have,  can  positively  or  negatively  affect  your  ability  to  snooze.  In  fact,  not  only  what  you eat, but when and how  much  you eat, affects  your  blood  sugar  levels,  which  in turn affects your sleep.  If  you find yourself  waking  up  due  to  hunger  in  the  middle  of the  night,  you  might  need  to  examine  your  diet  and  how frequently  you’re  taking  time  to  eat  during  the day. Make sure you finish your  last  meal of the day at  least two  hours before you go  to bed, and  three hours would be  better.  Additionally,  food sensitivities  such as  to  dairy  and gluten, which cause inflammation  and  sinus  congestion  in certain people, can affect your ability  to  breathe  while you sleep.  This  can show up in the form of heavy  chronic  snoring,  sleep apnea,  teeth grinding, and headaches.  If you are  struggling with  sleep,  be  sure  to  address  your  gut  health.  It’s  easy  to  overlook  the  significance  of  sensory  cues  while you’re  asleep.  But  our  environment,  our  daily  routines, and our activities matter from dusk until dawn. 


Day In Day Out
Just because  you  think  you’ve  shut  off  your  body  and brain doesn’t mean that you actually have. In fact, if you are like me and worry about  your  safety  while  you  sleep,  I  encourage  you to get  a  home  alarm  system  and  put  an  extra  dead  bolt  on  every  door  to  prevent  entry.  I  encourage  you  to  start  thinking  about  going  to  sleep  at  least  an  hour  before  you  plan  to  fall  asleep.  Start by thinking of your dark, cozy, organic bedroom. Drink herbal tea, such as chamomile,  which  is  a  calming  herb, and take  your last  supplements  at least an  hour  before bed so  that you have  time  to  pee  before  going  to  sleep.  In  terms  of eating,  it’s better to stay  away  from  carbs  close  to bedtime, even though  they  tend to be  what  we crave most  at night. Focus  on  eating  protein and fats  instead  of carbs, and  stop  eating  at least two hours  before bed.  Caffeine  and nicotine decrease  deep  sleep,  as well. So, as tempting  as  it  is  to have a piece of  chocolate,  which  contains  caffeine,  and work on  your  computer  at night, this  is  actually  working against you  because  it  detracts from deep  sleep.  This  makes  for  a  pleasant  bedtime  ritual  that  can  also  help  you  fall asleep faster. If you’re not able to fall asleep after twenty minutes, do  something  that  will  calm your mind.  Perhaps  a  light  stretch,  a  meditation,  or  a  progressive  relaxation  referred  to  as  yoga  nidra.  
Its No Use
Lie  on  your  back,  close  your  eyes,  and  breathe  while  bringing  your  attention  to  each  part  of  your  body,  one  by  one,  and  then  as  a  whole.  Search  online  or  on  YouTube  for  a  guided  yoga  nidra  session,  lasting  between  fifteen  minutes  and  an  hour.  In  fact,  during  meditation,  brain  waves  can  shift  to  alpha,  theta,  and  even  gamma  waves,  all  of  which  provide  beneficial  rest  for  your  brain.  If  you are  not  able  to  sleep,  meditation  is  a  smart alternative  and  may  even  help you  fall  asleep.  Many  people choose  to  read  when  they can’t  sleep,  but  reading  requires  light  and,  for  some,  may  activate  the  brain,  in  which  case  it’s  better  to  read  when  not  in  bed.  Many  people  turn  to  sleep  medications  to  help  them  get to sleep, which can be necessary for extreme  cases  and short periods of time. If you are  really  struggling  with sleep,  and  if  you  have  been  changing  time zones or working  the  night  shift, you may  need  to  plan  an  opportunity  to  sync  up your circadian  rhythm.  You  could  do  this  by going camping,  an  experience  in which  it  gets dark  when  the sun goes down and you are exposed to  the stars and moon while you sleep and the sunrise  when  you  wake.  You  could  also  emphasize  the  spiritual  elements  of  earth,  fire,  water,  and  air  whether  at  home  or  at  a  retreat.  As  you  implement  Phase  of  the  Stress  Recovery  Protocol  and  work  your  way  out  of  stress  mode  by  dropping  your  elevated  cortisol  and  adrenaline  levels,  you’ll  likely  experience  improved  sleep.  Balancing  your  blood  sugar  levels,  addressing  leaky  gut,  and  optimizing  your  gut  bacteria  will  also  help  with  sleep  over  time.  Depending  on  where  you  live,  melatonin  may  be  available  in  products  over  the  counter.  
Are They Humans Being?
Otherwise,  it  will require a prescription. Melatonin  has  also  been  shown to be effective for jet  lag.  It  is  considered to be generally safe.  Valerian  and  other  herbs that are calming, such  as  passionflower,  lemon  balm,  chamomile,  and California  poppy,  are  all  okay  to  try.  You  can  get  them  as  a  tincture,  in  a  capsule,  or  even as a  tea.  The  dosing  for  these  herbs  is  generally  200  to  500  mg  each.  They  are  considered  safe,  but  I always  caution people  to  look  for  any  new  or  different  symptoms,  which  could  be  caused  by  a  reaction  or  allergy  to  an  herb.  Magnesium  is  calming  overall,  decreases  adrenaline,  and  relaxes  muscle  tension.  Magnesium  glycinate  and  threonate  are  the  best  options  for  these  purposes,  but  if  you  have  constipation  and  need  help  moving  your  bowels,  you  might  choose  magnesium  citrate  or  oxide  at  bedtime  to  promote  a bowel  movement  in  the  morning.  Glycine  is  an  amino  acid  that  is  known  to  be calming  to  the  nervous  system  and  can  help  with  sleep.  It  has  been  shown  to  improve  sleep quality  and promote deeper sleep. The dose  is  3  to  5  grams  before  you  go  to  bed.  The  classic  homeopathic  remedy  for  sleep is coffea cruda. Homeopathy is based on a system  of dilutions and opposites. This means that coffee, which is stimulating  in the usual  amount, is calming in  a  homeopathic  dilution.     "
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      string(10) "Non Dualer"
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      string(29) "2022-06-13T04:00:00.001-07:00"
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      string(29) "2022-06-13T04:00:20.199-07:00"
      ["title"]=>
      string(38) "Eating Clean Means Minding The Details"
      ["atom_content"]=>
      string(87800) "It is through restricting our  diet  in such a  way  that  we  also  increase  our mindfulness and appreciation for  our  food. In particular,  this  diet  has  been  used  by  people  who  live  in  blue  zones,  which  are  parts  of  the  world  where  people live the longest.  It  also  involves  a  higher intake of carbs and a lower  amount  of protein than I’m  accustomed  to eating.  However, this is the  shift that is  needed for the positive  effect  to  occur. As with any  health  practice,  it’s important to know your body  when  following  this diet. For instance, if you have  kidney  or  liver disease, or  if  you’re  currently  at the extreme end of stress  mode,  this  isn’t a  good time to try  this  way of  eating. Stabilize  your  body  first  by  following  a diet  that  decreases  stress  messages.  By  doing  things  in  this  order,  you’ll  avoid  making  your  health  worse.  I’ve  seen  these curves in patients of mine when they were either recovering  from  anorexia  or  dealing  with  severe  stress  and digestive issues. Multiple days of fasting are rarely recommended, especially if you are already under stress or  if  you  are  a  Stress  Magnet.  It’s  important  to avoid  going  beyond  the  beneficial  period,  or  what  we  call  the  hormetic  zone,  and  avoid  stressing  your  body  even  more  by  using  extreme  fasting  techniques.  I’d  start  with  the  smallest  possible  quantity  of  cooked  and  easily  digested  foods and continue until my digestion was ready for more regular meals. 


We All Die Someday
When foods are  premade,  packaged,  and  sold  at the store,  often other  ingredients  are added to  improve  the taste, texture,  and freshness. This  means  that  along  with  the  food,  you  are  getting  chemicals  that  can potentially send stress  signals  to  your  gut,  nervous system, hormones, and  immune  system. Check the  label  on the package  for any additives  that  you  don’t want to  eat.  Best of all  is  to  buy the actual foods  and make  your  meals yourself, so  that  you  know exactly what the ingredients  are.  The  term  paleo is often used to  describe  food  that  meets  these criteria. Choose  organic,  as  well. Each spring,  the  Environmental  Working Group releases  its  dirty  dozen and clean  fifteen  produce  lists.  Absolutely  aim  to  buy  organic  when  it  comes  to  foods  on the dirty dozen list. The clean fifteen are the foods that tend to  have  the  lowest  levels of pesticides.  Still,  my  rule  of  thumb  is  to  buy  organic  as often  as  possible,  or  always.  It  can  be  hard  to  find  restaurants  that  pay  attention  to  avoiding  toxins  in  their  food,  but  I  have  discovered  and  enjoyed  some  amazing  organic  eateries  and  have  found  businesses  offering  clean  options  on  their  menus.  Decreasing  or  avoiding  sugar,  especially  in  the  form  of  actual  cane  sugar,  as  in  white  and  brown  sugar,  is  also  important.  
Until the End of the World
Often  sugar  will  be  replaced  in  products  with  coconut  palm  sugar  or  monk  fruit, which  is  a  better  option  because  it  offers  sweetness  but  is  less  likely  to raise  blood  sugar  levels.  Sugar, on  the  other  hand,  is known  to  raise  blood  sugar  levels,  overwhelm  insulin  function,  increase  cholesterol  levels,  and  raise  inflammation  while  decreasing  immune  function  and  leaving  us  vulnerable  to  all  sorts  of  health  issues.  The  amount  of  sugar  in foods quickly adds up, between packaged and baked  goods,  and beverages and even condiments. Before you know  it,  you  could be  consuming  way  more  sugar  than  you even realize. Start  by  checking  labels  and decreasing  the  use  of  sugar  in  recipes.  Often  the  same recipe tastes just  as  good  or  better  without  sugar.  Decrease  or  avoid  caffeine while  clean  eating,  since  it  is known to increase both cortisol and adrenaline levels.20  Depending on your stress type, you may currently  be relying  on  caffeine  to  get  you  through  the  day.  Stopping  cold  turkey  isn’t  the  best  option  then.  Instead,  the  goal  is  to  help  your  body  recover  from  stress.  As  your  cortisol  and  adrenaline  levels  stabilize  and  improve  on  their  own,  you’ll  become  less  reliant  on  caffeine  for  energy.  Decrease  or  avoid  alcohol,  too,  as  it  must  be  metabolized  by  the  liver,  which  makes  it  a  stress  to  your  body  and  means  that  your  body  will  require  antioxidants  to  help  it  recover.  
My Soul's Got Wings
Women  should  drink  no  more  than  one  glass  of  wine in one day and  no  more  than  four glasses per week. Men should  drink  no  more  than two glasses of wine  in  one  day  and no more than six  glasses  per week.  It’s  also  possible  to  get  resveratrol  from  berries  and  supplements,  so  you  don’t  have  to  miss  out  on  it  if  you  abstain from alcohol.  Choose  foods  high  in  antioxidants  and  related  phytochemicals,  which  exist  in  herbs,  fruits,  and  veggies.  When  in  doubt,  turn to  color, as  antioxidants  give  foods  their  beautiful  hues.  Think  of  green,  purple,  orange,  red,  blue,  yellow,  and  even  white  options  when  choosing  fruits  and  veggies.  For  example,  tomatoes,  papaya,  and  watermelon  contain  lycopene,  which  is  known  to  decrease  heart  disease  risk.  These  plant  substances  help  us  recover  from  stress  and  trauma  by  protecting  cells.  Then  there  is  chocolate!  They  all  contain  substances  that  assist  with  detoxification  pathways.  Avoiding  foods  that  increase  inflammation  is  of  utmost  importance  when  clean  eating.  Sugar  is one  of  the  most  important  to watch out for.  The  food  reaction  is  caused  by  not  digesting the food or component of the food  well.  Other  times  it  is  due  to  a  specific  protein  in  the  food  triggering  an  immune response. Dairy is a perfect example. When people are lactose intolerant,  it is because they are not digesting the sugar in milk products  well. They are likely  to  experience  bloating  and  digestive issues. When people  react to the proteins in milk, casein and whey, it causes an inflammatory response  that  can  spread  throughout  the  body,  and  is  associated  with  sinus  congestion,  ear infections,  anxiety,  and more. Grains containing gluten  are  most likely  to  increase  inflammation  and to cause leaky gut, making it more  likely  you’ll  react to  additional  foods.  Nightshades  include  potatoes,  tomatoes, eggplant, and peppers.    "
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